MrNumb, don't even feel guilty for feeling sorry for yourself. What you went through was horrific. Those robbers played with your mind. They were selfish, cruel individuals. Yes, it could of been worse. You could be dead. But you are not. I know I felt guilt that I was the only survivor. There are times, when I think on it, I wish I wasn't. But at other times, I'm glad I did.
This event was not the only trauma in my life. I believe what happened to me previously prepared me to be able to handle the robbery. It is all a matter of perspective. I think the first time you experience any type of major trauma is the worse. Now mind you, these are only my impressions. If I hadn't seen my sister murdered when I was a wee child, seeing all those dead people would have hit me a lot harder than it did. I wasn't afraid for them, I was afraid for me and anyone that might walk in before they were done. I kept waiting for it to get worse, because I'd had it a lot worse when someone broke into my home. I thank God it didn't get worse in the robbery. Yes, dead people is pretty bad, but believe me, it could have been a lot worse. and I know that, because I've lived through worse.
MrNumb, Did you set up the robbery? Did you tell them to do what they did? If not, then stop feeling guilty. Could you have overpowered them? Don't count on it. You could have been hurt badly or been killed if you'd have tried. My heart goes out to you during this time of healing. You can't make the event go away, but you will come to terms with it (in time). Please, don't beat yourself up. You did what was important. You lived.
safenow
