Artilleryman Gone Medic Gone Bad

[CostOfLiving]

I joined the CF in 2005 as a reservist with the field artillery. I went on tour with 2RCHA in 2008 in Afghanistan. After I returned from deployment I took a job working supply on base in Petawawa. I had the good fortune of working with my one really good friend from my reserve unit. In 2010 I got my component transfer to the regular forces, as a medical technician.

In early 2011 I noticed I was getting a lot more angry with people than I ever used to, and I knew that something was wrong. I went to see the mental health services in Borden and asked to see a psychologist. It would be it's own story entirely but suffice it to say my experience of dealing with mental health services left something to be desired.

After a year and a half and one failed career course later, I finally had my CSM demand that I need to see a psychologist. I actually did now, because I would not be allowed back on course until I had been deemed medically fit for duty. I saw a psychologist for two-one hour sessions, and I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, extreme narcissism, and ocd tendencies. I then submitted a memo to be sent across the country for treatment so that I could be with my girlfriend and our baby (I had not been with them since he was eight months old and I made it out two days before his birthday). My request was granted and I was attach posted out to BC. There I was told that the doctor did not agree with any part of my diagnosis and that ptsd made a lot more sense to him.

Since getting to be with my family I have been delayed from going on course twice and I am currently in the dark about when/if I am going to be course loaded in the future. My relationship with my girlfriend is straining and I have no one here to talk to, being from Ontario myself and having neither the time nor the interest to make new friends with anyone here. I have heard through friends of my girlfriend's that people think I hate my job here, and I have been in to see the CSM once already to talk about my less than stellar performance. People are talking about my condition that have no right to know about it. As an example, the CO met with me during my in clearance (but not with anyone else who cleared in around the same time) and asked me if I thought that I would be okay working with patients, or if I would be to anxious to work in urgent care (anxiety was still my official diagnosis when I transferred to BC).

 

[JennyMac]

Welcome fellow canuck. I hope you find help both on here and at your unit. I have noticed in our system you have to ask them to help you and you may have to ask many times to different professionals. Let me just say that you should not be ashamed of your battle injury, because that is what it is...a battle injury. If you lost your leg or arm you could see your injury but an osi although not seen physically can be noted in behaviours and feelings. I, like you may be, was misdiagnosed two years before I actually broke down. Some professionals dont have the knowledge and experience ..or for that matter the empathy and concern, to properly diagnose a soldier. A ptsd diagnosis can only be properly administered in our system by the osi clinic. They know us, what we do and what we need as soldiers. I was told something not too plesant about myself by a psychiatrist at mental health...I fired him...just have to look out for your own health.

There is no guide....unfortunately, to show us the path through the system, you just have to advocate for yourself. See a doctor, request a referral to your local osi clinic where they will give you a proper diagnosis and subsequently the proper help and support. If you need any more info and you think I can help you just ask....if I dont know I will try to give you some ....hopefully...sensible direction to travel in. It is confusing as hell...there is hope.

 

[JennyMac]

I forgot to add, a diagnosis does not mean you will be released, you may have a tcat or two but that just protects you while you get better. An osi does not always mean the end of the line, it just means you are getting proper help and for that time that is your job...your full time job. You can still be employed with restrictions or be moved to another trade. Dont give up.

 

[reddevil1111]

Welcome.

 

[CostOfLiving]

Thanks JennyMac and reddevil1111.

I fully expect to see the military do nothing to help me, other than watch me help myself. I have gotten used to it over the years.

My biggest concerns right now are my girlfriend and son. I don't think that it is good for either of them to be around me a lot of the time, but I don't want to be without them either. I try every day to be positive for them, but running on empty every day is wearing me down. It is getting to the point now where she is staying to say that she can't do this any more, and can't put up with me when I am like this. I think that she mint be weighing her options, looking for me to give her a reason to stay and I can't think of any. I have tried to explain my situation to her, but she treats it like it is made up in my head. She thinks that all I need to do is be happier and I will be fine. I don't know where I am supposed to go from here.

 

[reddevil1111]

Cost, There is a video about stress in here. It takes about 30 minutes to watch. Sit her down and both of you should watch it together. It might help to explain whats going on to her and it might even have some answers to your questions as well. It would help imo.
Link Removed
thats a link to the movie. I hope you give it a shot.

 

[Spock]

Welcome. Glad to hear you are seeking treatment. There are a lot of good folks and good resources here.

 

[Chin Strapped]

Evening mate. I was a combat medic, been out 3 years this month though;still feel I could do the job in a heartbeat.

 

[reddevil1111]

You know what Dan? I know you could. Its been made such a big part of you. How could you not be good at it?I think we all miss parts of our service. The longer we are out the better it was.

 

[JennyMac]

I thought the same about my husband, but turns out he was trying to understand and help but he knew even less than I did. We went through couples cognitive behavioral therapy thru osi clinic and now he knows more than me, and can see a bad moment coming a mile before I do. It has helped him I think, arm her and yourself with knowledge from the right source. Watch that video with her...its very helpful.

 

[Sarg]

Welcome, Cost.

Sarg

 

[Zipperhead]

Evening Cost. 42 Health Service in Gagetown isn't any better than Pet.