Asperger's And The Prolonged Severe Abuse Of An Adult

[Michel]

Hi. I've been away from the forum for some months (computer access problems). While away, I discovered that I have Asperger's Syndrome. This discovery has been shedding light (real light!) on some of the most mysterious aspects of my traumatic experience. I am just beginning to see how autistic characteristics made it possible for me to be shockingly and repeatedly assaulted for more than a decade in the same way and by the same person, over and over and over again, despite the fact that the assaults began when I was 29 years old, I had had no history of abuse, I'd had reasonably solid self-esteem, and so on.

This is all so new to me that I don't yet feel like I can be clear about it, but I do want to ask whether anyone knows of some useful literature on the combination of autism and PTSD. There's lots of material on what makes the autistic more vulnerable to violence but less on how their subjection to violence can lead more easily to traumatic reactions (e.g., dissociation), why they are characteristically bad at self-defense and and therefore at extricating themselves from even the most profoundly damaging "relationships," how autism changes self-help and therapy for sufferers of PTSD, whether there are support groups or online groups that serve those with both autism and PTSD, who the experts are at this intersection of illnesses, and so on.

Any thoughts would be very welcome.

 

[Froggie]

Hello Michel, this is an eye opener, you express yourself quite well. Welcome to the forum. But I have to admit, this is the first time I'm confronted with this reality. And yes, it does make sense that when a person who is autistic will also be in a vulnerable situation to be subjected to abus. May you find some answers here on the forum

 

[Abstract]

Hi Michel,

Welcome. I am faraid I have nothing tooffer but agree that you express yourself very well and I can totally understand why it would have contributed to your abusive situation.
i hope someone has the information you seek.

 

[Cthulhu]

Hi Michel,

I have an Asperger's diagnosis, too. Got it when I was 25 out of my own initiative, I searched for the answer why my life went the way it went, why I had been so slightly different, so odd and- so easily traumatizable and prone to bullying/mobbing since I was a small child. As of course I couldn't diagnose myself (I couldn't have said if I was a mixture of many different personality disorders and ADHD or autistic- today I know I'm all of it) I visited the consultation-hour of a specialist department of a university clinic.

Not all Asperger's subject themselves to violence, especially boys get violent themselves instead of "playing dead" when attacked. Well, I'm one of those who play dead and die inside while doing it most of the time, but I have openly-aggressive behaviour as well- totally controlled most of the time, too much I think. I can't find the happy medium between both ways of reaction. As a child I never got aggressive.

Unfortunately I can't help with your questions- I neither know studies or other material about the topic nore any specialists or self- help- groups that especially focus on the synthesis of AS and PTSD, but if you find something, I'd be very interested to read it.
I think many if not most people with Asperger's get more or less traumatized on their way through life, I know some who show classical signs of PTSD- like me. In fact of all the Aspergers I know there may be only two or three who don't show persisting symptoms of past traumatizations. Those are lucky to have grown up in a very healthy and supporting family environment.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Hi Michel,

Welcome back!

I'm not aware of Asperger-specific research, but thankfully the people skills one can learn from this forum, in therapy, in Alanon, in support groups for survivors aren't dependent of any particular set of cognitive function or physical abilities.

For each issue, there are many options to try until you find one working for you.

If you can post a challenge you're working on, there are lots of wonderful people on here who try to help you reason out a skill that might work for you in dealing with it. ...and cheer you on.

((((Michel))))

 

[Michel]

Thanks so much for these welcoming and encouraging replies. Cthulhu, thank you for sharing your diagnosis. I had not heard the phrase 'playing dead' in this context, but it sounds like we share ways of reacting and difficulty finding "the happy medium" between what I guess I have thought of as 'freezing' (now that I realize I do this at all) and responding to threat or violence with "strong" or defiant behavior. In the context of violence I mentioned in my post, I did both - stood up for myself with intensity and stubbornness, then froze, then fought back again, then froze. Flight was the one option I seem never to have been able to see. (!?!) I mean this literally. I could not see it. It was a disaster for me to alternate "fighting back" and "playing dead," because my "opponent" was bigger, stronger, psychopathic, sadistic, and highly skilled at toying with a person with my sort of impairment.

I like this idea, BloomInWinter, of bringing specific challenges to the forum. As they come up, I'll try to figure out how to describe them well enough to do that. Sometimes what's most difficult for me is seeing the problem or understanding why it is one, or even holding onto my experience or insight long enough to make use of it the next time I'm in the same situation.

Am at Kinko's at the moment and cannot afford to stay on this computer much longer!

Thanks again.

 

[ladybug]

I have severe PTSD and Asperger's, high functioning.

From digging around on the internet, there seems to be a lot of PTSD related to the autism spectrum of conditions. A lot of the trauma is from the abuses toward people who were categorized as retarded or who were thought to be unresponsive so they wouldn't report the abuse to others, etc. I believe that is true. I also believe that in some of the individuals with autism conditions, there is some evidence that we react differently emotionally and otherwise to possibly retain some events in a PTSD form where other individuals may not retain it the same way. I am talking about events other than abuses.

Obviously there is a lot to learn about the autism spectrum. Read the various books on Aspergers and have your loved ones read them. I know it was a relief to my husband that some of the things he didn't understand about me were actually part of Aspergers. I believe more adults are being diagnosed with Aspergers now because little was known about it when we were younger, and while parents knew something was different, the medical community wasn't responsive.

 

[Michel]

Ladybug, I am very interested in but not sure I understand the last two sentences in your second paragraph: "I also believe that in some of the individuals with autism conditions, there is some evidence that we react differently emotionally and otherwise to possibly retain some events in a PTSD form where other individuals may not retain it the same way. I am talking about events other than abuses."

I believe I did experience and retain these events very differently from how most people take in, organize, and retain not only traumatic but any sort of experience at all. I think that, in general, my mental states (thoughts, emotions, memories) don't interact in the right way. I think this is extremely important in understanding the profound vulnerability of people on the spectrum. I think it may be more dangerous than our not always understanding what's happening in the first place. I hated and knew I hated every one of these ongoing, extensive episodes of terror, degradation, and torment. Why didn't I bring any description of this pattern of cruelty to someone else for help? I don't know, but it has something to do with the way my mind organizes and accesses information and feelings.

Thanks very much for your reply.

 

[allitherapy]

Hi,
I work with people who have autism and have done a great deal of research on autism spectrum disorders. It is very difficult to make any generalizations about autism and its relationship with PTSD because autism is so different for each individual.
That being said, many who have autism experience the world differently in terms of sensory processing. You may remember smells, sounds, touch, etc. that others wouldn't, or you may remember them in a different way because you initially processed them differently.
All children with disabilities are in a higher risk for being abused, simply because they are easier targets and a lot of times will not understand or cannot tell someone what is happening to them. This isn't very different for an adult with Asperger's. The way you understand people, relationships, etc. is different from the way those who don't have Aspegerger's can understand things. Some with Asperger's cannot understand things like sarcasm, body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, etc. Because of this, you may be unable to sense danger or when someone will harm you.
There isn't a lot of information on autism and it's relationship with other conditions simply because it is a relatively new diagnosis. Contrary to what the media would like you to believe, autism itself is not on the rise; the diagnosis is. Twenty-thirty years ago, children were labeled as mentally retarded if they had what we now call classic autism. Those with Asperger's didn't have medical diagnoses, they were often just "odd" and sadly sometimes the kids that got picked on, who nobody wanted to play with. Now that we have a name for these conditions, in the coming decades there will be more information about how autism spectrum disorders influence other diseases. But bottom line, the pathways in the brain are fundamentally altered in autism. Altered pathways means different responses to everything; so yes, you may experience PTSD differently than those without autism. Sorry this probably wasn't very helpful. If you have more specific examples or issues , I might be able to provide more insight.

 

[anthony]

While away, I discovered that I have Asperger's Syndrome. This discovery has been shedding light (real light!) on some of the most mysterious aspects of my traumatic experience. I am just beginning to see how autistic characteristics made it possible for me to be shockingly and repeatedly assaulted for more than a decade in the same way and by the same person, over and over and over again, despite the fact that the assaults began when I was 29 years old, I had had no history of abuse, I'd had reasonably solid self-esteem, and so on.

There are certainly some good studies around on autism and PTSD, though mostly define PTSD as the result of experiencing trauma from being autistic / aspergers, etc... though I have read some into how they combine.

Do a search in Google Scholar and you will quickly find some good reading on studies combining them. The underlying illness shows direct effects into PTSD symptoms as well, from reading these studies myself.

 

[Michel]

All very helpful, allitherapy and anthony, thank you.

Allitherapy, you mention differences in the way people with Asperger's process sensation, and I think this is another important piece. I am extremely sensitive to sensation; experience sights, sounds, smells too robustly; and can have unusually strong emotional or aversive responses to them. It also takes me longer in general to shift my attention and is therefore hard for me to follow speech that too often shifts focus, is incoherent or irrational. I have always tended to be somewhat anxious. The assaults to which I was subjected routinely began with sudden shifts from peaceful to terrorizing behavior, sudden shifts from ordinary speech to very loud yelling, and from coherent and reasonable speech to complete incoherence and irrationality. I dissociated routinely, I think largely because of a kind of sensory and cognitive overload. One very early assault involved his picking up a kitchen knife. I'd tell you what happened next, but I have no idea. My abuser was my "husband." Often the assault ended with the "understanding" that we had had a fight but could "make up." If we had sex, it would be clear we'd "made up." Then the violence could stop. He was a sexual sadist. I think this is where my denial and delusions got really deep.

But this was not meant to become a trauma diary!