Prolonged, Severe Child Abuse - And Now Flashbacks. So Tired.

[Fully Empty]

Christ here we go again - flashback time. Even though part of me feels like I don't want to remember more and don't want to believe what I do remember, I won't say it because I don't want to turn my back on my...inner child.

It makes me feel weak, and I've always been strong. Always been the one to go to for help, always been the advocate.

I know, I sound like a nutjob...and I've never asked for anything like this before, but if whoever is reading this post could answer...just something, anything, nothing profound expected...just to know you're out there...

I'm honestly surrounded by supportive, loving family, but it's hard for them to understand. It's hard to comfort somebody who is conditioned to give comfort, but not receive it...

 

[stars]

Your story really touched me - I empathize with you a great deal. I hope you're doing better now.

 

[Serena 1975]

It's like you crawled into my head and my life and wrote all the things I'm feeling and thinking. My story is somewhat different, but what hit me the most is when you said you're so tired.

I almost don't have any other words anymore...just those. I'm so tired.

Here listening...

 

[garden]

I'm sorry that you had to experience these things, and I commend you on bravely addressing your own healing. Thank you for sharing.

I remember the sounds, the smells, the most ridiculous and unimportant details.

I remember ridiculous details too. I can tell you which lights were on in during the abuse, and the general time of day because of how the lights looked. I know which doors were open and which ones were shut. I remember the season, also because of how everything looked and how we were dressed. These details don't mean anything, but they never seem to go away.

I hope that you have found comfort here.

 

[katz]

I'm so sorry that you had to endure all that! We're always here for you. I understand how hard it is to piece a story together. I have been finding pieces for over 40 years. I have to sort and try to put a story together for each of my "demons". It took me over 30 years to just believe it all happened.

I'm happy for you that you have a T and a supportive family. You are lucky for that. I tried to reach to family and everyone got angry at me and blamed me for causing all the trouble. I had to apologize for accusing anyone. I will never have any support from them. I will always feel alone. I always have. Even with a husband and home of my own. My inner child is still wanting to be loved.