Assertiveness Group Therapy

[Deleted member 28942]

I did the assertiveness workshop. There were no other people interested but the therapists did the workshop only with me. I got 3 hours for $60. Great deal. It was combination of mindfulness and experiential therapy. The mindfulness part was used for bringing me back to a safe place. The experiential part was really interesting. She gave me a rope to use it to create a boundary around me. She did the same. Also, she used a pillow to represent my mother. My reactions to the pillow was a lot of fear. We worked with that fear and what I want to say to her. Since my mom is a person that lacks boundaries, I have problem with people that lack boundaries. With relatively normal people I'm OK. What I learned is that with people that lack boundaries there is no point in trying to work out things but it is important to set a hard boundary. Not letting them in at all. We explored some other stuff like relationship etc. For example, if someone tells me something personal whether they are throwing it inside my boundary or just being vulnerable. For example, one guy tried to get me to like him by telling me how he was made fun of being fat. I'm not explaining this well but he was using it to manipulate me. Throwing it at me and trying to guilt trip me into dating him. This is an example of someone throwing things in my space that are not mine. Toss it back. On the other hand, someone sharing vulnerable experience can be honest and open. For example, someone saying, I am a shy person and it takes me longer to open up is OK since the person is not throwing anything at me just being honest.

Another thing that I was very worried/anxious about was that I thought to be assertive you have to look the person in the eyes and stand strong and tell them. However, she said that is the ideal case but it doesn't always work that way. She said if you have to cry or lose control - not hurting the other person physically - it is OK. In other words, it doesn't have to be perfect. Also, I don't have to respond to people that lack boundaries or are manipulative. Avoiding this type of people is fine. I used to think I have to deal with every kind of person.

We talked about the Nonviolent Communication model. This is useful for close relationship with someone I care about. It is not appropriate with manipulative or unavailable people.

All in all, I liked it. With people that lack boundaries, I don't have to try and be nice or work things out. Avoiding them like the plague is fine. I still need to work on getting in touch with my anger in therapy but one step at a time.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Also, I don't have to set the boundary the very moment. It is possible not to know it at the moment but later, few hours or days or even longer, to identify it and set it. Also, it is not always necessary to set a boundary in person. Especially with difficult people - the one that lack boundaries or are manipulative - it's OK to set it over the phone, text message, email or even to ignore them completely.