At A Lose On What To Do

[munkinmama]

I am on the verge of tears right now. I am at a lose on what more i can do. About 4-5 years ago CPS took my kids when i had requested help and was at a low point in my life. I have 3 special needs boys who are 15,14,12 now. I was caring for their needs but neglecting mine. Once in the system and the workers found out I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety they refused to work with me. They got my abusive ex hubby involved again after he was not in the picture for 4 years. CPS did everything in their power to work with him. They flat out told me i was lying about the abuse and i was tainting the foster mom against my ex. They even went as far as to take pictures of his home to "prove" to me his house was not as bad as I was telling them. He got custody June 2012. It has been a nightmare I get my kids 9 days a month and in the past year have had to call CPS 6-7 times and they still have done nothing. Today i got an email from my lawyer tell me this "Given the information we have from the therapist, psychologist, Thomas’s teacher and that Children’s Services have not taken any steps when reports have been made in the past, I do not believe that your application for appointment of counsel for the children and for primary residence of the children will be successful. We need to talk about the outstanding issues to resolve such as holiday and summer access. I believe that will be where you have a good chance of getting more time with the boys." WTF is my response. I have to deal with someone who abused me and triggers me big time. The boys have to live in hell and nothing can be done WTF

 

[Fadeaway]

Unfortunately, that is par for the course. Your story is all to familiar. Just know you aren't alone. What can you do? Nothing accept get your story heard to as many people as possible.

From my experience the courts love to give children to the abusers. I swear they get off on it. They do not care about the kids, they care about profit. I bet they got a kickback for getting your ex back in the picture.:mad:

Every day of my life I have to deal with the fact that my children are being abused by my ex-husband and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. The courts completely ignored the fact that my ex had gone to jail for beating me, and has had his driving privileges revoked due to DUI's.

I am sorry I can't offer any help or advice, but I can sure offer a lot of anger on your behalf, and a ton of empathy. PM me if you ever need to talk about it or just vent.

Now, excuse me while I go scream my head off on your behalf and on behalf of the hundreds of thousands of others who are in the same boat.

 

[Friday]

Just saying I hear you. Similar situation down here, except the courts found my ex guilty of abuse and neglect so "only" gave him 50% custody. I've been flat out told that as long as a father "expresses interest" -even from jail!-, family court will award at least partial custody and I should be "grateful" the child abusing f*ck "wants to be so involved". I hate the entire effing system. Apparently the only crime you can commit against family members is murder down on this side of the border. There are even stranger-rapes being awarded partial custody. The norm is for stay-at-home-parents to now lose both the house and custody (because the working parent can afford the house, and the kids need a home)... So devoting our life and marriage to raising your kids now equals being homeless, broke, and childless. Family court makes me want to claw my own eyes out on a regular basis.

Listen to your attorney, or get a second legal opinion. From a step removed... It would be a solid plan on this side of the border to work towards sole-custody by nibbling away at every little piece that you can. But we are still different countries, so God alone knows if that translates. But down here in my state, the only way to get sole custody is if the other parent doesn't want the kids, or you boil their ass like a frog in water... Taking every little bit of time you can that they don't want, until you have them most or all of the time.

Good luck. To all of us.

 

[scot]

It seems to be always the same.... a child protective organization told me once straight into my face that paraphrasing: we can't do anything until the child is dead or nearly dead in hospital and most importantly there is absolute prove that he caused that. Somehow they must have confused their mission....? And, except for being able to prove anything, there was actually a good chance that this would happen because of medical issues which he couldn't deal with so that I got a sick child back almost every single time when he had them.

God bless him, mine fortunately then didn't really want to have the kids. He willingly let me go with my children when I faced him with the choice of either being completely out of the picture with or without my children. Though, this was way too high gambled and I wouldn't recommend that but.... just sometimes letting go brings them actually back to you, but that is truly hellish because it just as well can be held against you if it doesn't work.

 

[munkinmama]

It is so sad. It breaks my heart to see and hear what my kids are going through. I will say at least they are at an age they know what is right and wrong. I told my oldest for now that when he reaches 16 if he wants to "run away" from his dad's the cops do not care and would not bring him back

 

[Friday]

Check with your attorney on that one... My son, even at 12, can run away anywhere but to me. Anywhere else, it counts as running away. If it's to me? It's custodial interference or kidnapping. And it's an automatic I-lose-custody thing, and probably spend time in jail. I'm hoping the laws make at least a little more sense in your neck of the woods.

 

[Fadeaway]

a child protective organization told me once straight into my face that paraphrasing: we can't do anything until the child is dead or nearly dead in hospital and most importantly there is absolute prove that he caused that.

Yup. My son sent me an e-mail with detailed abuse he has suffered at his dads hands. CPS told me they couldn't prove that it came from my son. They said any one could have sent that to me. They told me I would have had to witness it with my own eyes. When I told them what I had witnessed, they told me that didn't count because it was two years ago.

 

[munkinmama]

yep i got that too. I was told because they had no "paper trail" it did not happen. Ummm i was in the middle of nowhere he made sure I did not have a working car. Often we did not have a working phone and the closest neighbor was 2 miles away in any direction. How was I to report anything?He had us living in 3rd world country conditions, we ate pig food which was rotting fruits and veggies (when we had pigs) because he spent all the money we got as an example. My boys were 5,4,2 when he abandoned me at the hospital, i was treated for a severe strep throat infection got worst because he refused to take me to the doctor.