Attached To My Therapist

[Angel_090]

I generally don't have contact with people. Hardly ever. I'm surrounded with thousands of people but I don't interact with them. I don't engage in a conversation or social activity with them. I'm alone but I don't think I'm lonely. At least I don't think so. But then there is that one hour once or every two weeks. That one hour with a person who listens, cares and responds to everything I have to say.

I've tried to stay away from people. By nature, I'm the kind of person who trust, cares and believes other people. However, with time, I've developed a shell to protect myself because people are not too nice. So to say that I don't get to spend a lot of quality time with quality people is an understatement. But again, I don't mind. That is until I get a taste of it. I get a little taste once every two weeks, at least, of what it would be like to have more contact with people who would value and care for me.

So, I become attached. I become attached to the one person I can't get attached to. My therapist. He is perhaps one of the people who is a positive male figures in my life. And I know I don't actually know him and I probably am putting him in a pedestal. But I do know a few things about him: he choose to help people with their problems; he's caring even if it is just because I'm paying him for his time; he's handsome. And I know I shouldn't feel this way.But for that one hour, I'm a little happy. I could never actually tell him this.

I tell myself that this is what happens when you let your guard down and get close to people. I have only but myself to blame.

 

[desiderata310]

Actually, given that you've isolated, that's not all bad.
I suggest you talk to him about it. It's something that can be worked through.
Not the end of the world type stuff.
Hey at least you can look at your therapist. I can't tell you what mine looks like because I can't bring myself to look at him. :P

 

[Samantha_38]

This is hard. It's good to be open with them, and begin to open up. I can tell you from experience though, if you get over attached it will hurt when its time to end the relationship. That day will come.

I'm not sure on the right answer. Just realize that too attached isn't good and will hurt in the end. Try to remind yourself of that. If you feel open enough with your T it'd be good to talk about. I wasn't open enough with mine about it, but I don't think I really realized until it was time for the relationship to end. It was really hard. However, don't let that scare you away. The therapy is more effective with you opening up so don't shut down out of fear.

 

[seedling]

You can be attached to your therapist because it is a real relationship - a therapeutic relationship. Your feelings are common, and natural, as you begin to open up to someone. It's good you can feel happy about that.
With a good therapist you can discuss your attachment and any pain it might cause you. A good therapist will have the ability to keep boundaries for both of you if need be.

I was afraid of my attachment to, and my need for, my therapist. I gradually started to realize that the support and connectedness I'd found in therapy was making its way in to my "real" life, happening with people that weren't paid to listen to me. In retrospect it seemed like therapy was practice for learning how to function that way again.
I can now respect the needs I had to "cling" (that's what it felt like and I criticised myself for it) to therapy.

Like you said, I've also found that my therapists have cared so much beyond the "just getting paid for it" level. If you are able to open up with him and feel that he cares, that's a good sign. Whatever happens with the attachment feelings, you can talk about it safely in therapy and it could help you to understand your pain about being close to people.

 

[cindymolly]

@seedling thanks for putting it so well.

 

[Born to Run]

It is through the safe attachment to the therapist that we can heal. You should become attached; it is necessary. Nothing sickly about it.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

Angel, how is it going now? what happened?