Attachment Issues

[Melody coates]

so I have really bad attachment issues. when fall for someone I get OBSSESSED. I'm super clingy and needy and this tends to scare men away. anyone else have this problem?

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I am familiar with the two extremes. In the beginning, I often am extremely distant. Then when they get distant, I get very emotionally attached. When I was "younger", I also had the tendency to develop a crush on people who weren't really worth me.

It's difficult to give advice on that one, because emotions can be such a stubborn thing and not listen to reason. Nevertheless, it would be a good idea to train yourself. What are you looking for in these men? What are you in need of? Comfort, consolation, encouragement, support? Things that you did not get as a kid maybe?

When you have an idea of what you are looking for, then the thing is for you to realize that these men can never give you exactly that. Most of the things you seek, you're going to have to develop for your self. Your own strength. Your own ability to forgive yourself or encourage yourself. All people like a person who has found those things in his or herself.

It takes a long time. To cultivate these things. But it is possible.

 

[Sarah542]

I have this too, I become really attached too quickly and want to spend all my time with them, I have been told I scare them away. All my relationships have been like that.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Me too , unfortunately I become High maintenance and very needy then when I start displaying PTSD symptoms or have flashbacks and become a little depressed that usually frightens em away. I've decided I have enough to cope with cpstd , therapy stressful job and kids to worry about a possible partner who is unable to understand me when the going gets tough. I suppose if the right person came along I might change my views but it would take a very long time before I would be able to trust them , also I'm afraid of certain things due to my traumas and refuse to visit certain places , being on my own I don't need to feel guilty that I'm letting n e one down . Everyone is different and deals with situations in different ways , in time maybe you will learn to detach slightly or take things slower before you become obsessed . Whatever you do though just make sure it's the right descision uve made nd ur comfortable and happy with it. Good luck .

 

[Bubblegirl]

Same here, I was just starting a relationship and he triggered me so badly I lost most of the weekend dissociating.
I hate being needy, but I think for me its alot of unresolved feelings about my abuser (family member from ages 4-13). Trying to work on that, but just dealing with the flashbacks takes everything I have right now.
I someday want to have a relationship without that "needy" feeling. I hope it will happen someday.