Attacking Members On The Forum Affects Other Members!

[shadowchaser]

My eyes ain't the best today and I can only read so much black and white text at a time. So for the many things I'm sure to have missed I'm sorry.

Yes Anthony gets a lot of junk on here. Everyone sees him as the big authority figure and many ptsd people have issues with authority figures. So when someone is in an mood who will they go to first. Then they go to who they see as the second in command Nicolette. After that they will start going for the more confrontational members. Why do this last thing? They are already up and they want someone else to go up with them so they have someone to fight with.

What you have to remember is it's not always intentional. Many people don't know how to filter their words when they get upset. I'm a avoider. When I get up I isolate so no one on here really sees my ranting days. It's a defence thing from my childhood. But some people learned different. Maybe their trauma was lessened when they fought back.

I know I sound like a broken record with this but the good rule for any forum even this one is if you know someone sets you off or just plain irritates you then don't talk to them. You don't have to respond to their posts or threads if you don't want to. I know it can seem hard but there are many other interesting things on this forum to check out. And if you can't find anything here then go onto another forum.

Thank you I'll get off my soap box now.

 

[Deleted member 487]

Hmmm. I don't have a problem with authority figures. I have a problem with authority figures that abuse their authority. I have a problem with authority figures that look down on those they have authority over. I have a problem with abuse in any concept involving leadership or authority.

As I have done before, if something happens and I don't like what direction the admin is going on the problem, I can always leave. In fact, if CherryBlossom says she doesn't like Cauliflower, I can pack up and leave. Because it's just an internet site. I lose nothing material by leaving. It may bother me some as I respect a few of the people here, but it's not the end of the world if I do leave.

And that is the way folks should look at it. If they don't like what I say, instead of wanting to verbally berate me, not say anything. Count it towards my ignorance. Have pity on me. Go swallow ten live goldfish. But to attack? Discuss, perhaps, and discussions can get heated even for myself.

I know I've done it before. And it's really stupid. But consider that while sometimes there isn't much you can do about others while there is a lot you can do about yourself.

 

[mysihba]

If may, I recall somewhere an explanation by Anthony regarding the fact that the things he does in here/the things and threads he posts....all, are for a reason. The "controversial" threads/questions are not intended to start a war, but to illicit a response from us. Then we have the opportunity to stand back and do a "self check". Was my reaction from that one controversial post....or am I dragging 20 years of buried emotions into it. I might not be explaining this well, but that, as I understand it is 1 (one) of the reasons he does what he does, and does/says/posts almost nothing without a reason to do so...and the reason is help us and help each other...to get better.
Anthony, maybe you would like to pick up from here or direct people to your quotes of that which I don't remember all. I hope I got the big picture any way.

I missed the issues this threat is talking about, but some time ago I was envolved with some debates on...politics and guns which got very heated and personal. I bowed out. Along Anthonys way of thinking, I posted a question re. guns or something and requested answers that pertained to my question on just that issue/question, and challenged all to do that....answer the question with their beliefs without.....making it personal, without judging me, my integrety, etc.

Like Anthony, I did that for a purpose. I was sure that most that would bother to answer would not "pass" my challenge...and I was right for as long as I watched it. My hope was similar to Anthonys. I hoped that after people stoped reaming me in every way for disagreeing with me, maybe, they would see that they were reacting out of pure emotion, many years of stored hurt and anger, etc....NOT just my simple question.
How did I "know" that most could not meet my challenge ? I saw it happen with earlier threads and I .....do the same thing. That's my point ! Most of us react out of ptsd/trauma and emotion. I desperately, in the past, and sometimes now, need to be shown that my reactions are way, way out of proportion and based on past trauma, emotions etc.

IF nobody says....hey....look at how you are reacting and why (to me), I'm going to stay "stuck" in that place.

Most people can't break a "habbit" unless they practice the "new habbit" many, many times.

So yes I would prefer that a thread doesn't break into a huge bar fight. The times that it does, I hope all can stand back and take an honest look at all...the reactions, and where those reactions came from. I hope then that others here will force us all to be honest about it. Those that refuse to listen and "see" are probably among that group...that really can't be helped, or helped right now.

Because in the end, we ALL have to know if we are mad at our....wife, because of the minor incident from this morning......or if we are reacting to that minor incident out of the last many years of whatever kind of trauma (processed or buried), emotions etc, that are still stored up, a habit, an automatic reaction, etc.

Somebody has to deliver the hard truth.
Don't shoot me....I'm just the piano player.

OK...OK....so maybe I did break the first beer mug over that guys head......He might have deserved it, but he didn't deserve the full wrath of my 25 years of anger....one broken mug was more than enough.......
It's vital for us to know when we are "out of control"....even if it's just a response to a question....

 

[anni]

I'm not in good shape today,bad, awkward form in fact so have to say another aspect is this discussion-the healthy parts- have been and are awfully reassuring and grounding. Mostly the forum 'works', it seems, as intended, as set out in the 'rules' which are there for a reason not as strictures. Makes me think again that given the push and inclincation, most of us here on the planet are 'good', wandering around trying to make sense of it all or at least something, coming to conclusions which hurt or at least impact as few others as possible.

I can never make sense out of cauliflower either so if CB is rumoured to detest the stuff will consider myself in good company. Who was the first caveman to give this horrible looking clump a shot, and why would he , and which one came to the conclusion it would be good to drag it back to the cave to inflict on his little cave children in lieu of mammoth meat and which cave wife tried to disquise the taste with cheese?

Off topic but one of the Great Questions haunting civilization for a million years, provacativley raised again in this forum, who knew?

 

[AmyO]

ROTFLMAO!!! If my son were to be believed, I was the heathen with the cheese sauce as I fed my pet mammoth and chased the sabretooth out the door (there was probably a sloth in there somewhere but you know where it goes). Didn't think I was that old!?

But, back on topic. I see that the majority here seem to have the same insights as to why the forum is the way it is. Everyone has their own opinion and should be respected for that. For the most part that is how it is.

It seems that there will be confrontation in any aspect of life, how we deal is up to us. Whether it be a heated political discussion, or a shoutfest over who has the latest Prada shoes (really, not a fashionista. Just know what most moms don't have :tup:) It is all good, variety is the spice of life. Sometimes that spice is HOT! Why be normal?

 

[cherryblossom]

In fact, if CherryBlossom says she doesn't like Cauliflower, I can pack up and leave.

I actually like cauliflower, esp cauliflower cheese. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone.... never my intention.

 

[anthony]

All topics posted, by any member, should always be approached the same IMO mysihba.

 

[Deleted member 487]

I actually like cauliflower, esp cauliflower cheese. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone.... never my intention.

I was just using that as an example, Cherryblossom.

 

[anni]

I was just distracted by it, CB, and have been the un-cauliflowered black sheep in my family for 50 years. Then it set off that whole unfortunate train of thought, which still remains though. :)

Sort of back on topic, another thing I've noticed with this forum is when someone does sort of attempt to torque a thread around for their own purposes it is either ignored ( and dies through lack of momentum) or prompted back to topic. Yes, that was myself through becoming distracted on this one and didn't suffer too much wrath however deserved ( so thank you ) but you do see it sometimes where some thread will become argumentative and veer off wildly in 'defense' or in 'attack' of another member. This gets nicely flattened without drama across the board, either bringing the thread to a screaming halt or allowing it to resume where it should have been. I like this aspect of the forum very much since it does indeed make it feel safe.I have the luxury of clicking away from threads which raise the arenaline levels, or at least choosing to do so-I can't imagine HAVING to pick through every, single one. Exhausting.

 

[AmyO]

I think what I like most about the forum, even when there are the attacks (or defense) splits on any topic, is that everyone for the most part stays open-minded about everything. There is always conflict in any aspect of life but with the exception of outright meaness it is met with an equality of respect for another's feelings. I have only found that level of understanding here.

 

[mysihba]

And that is what you do so well in here, Anthony IMO

 

[Deleted member 487]

I am very open minded. I can eat cauliflower OR broccoli, and I don't have a problem with cheese sauce sauce. Though I am quite partial to better & garlic salt.
I can even eat asparagus!