frogthroat
Diamond Member
Oh yes. I'm exactly this. Talking to people is annoying to me most times. I live alone and I would describe my personality as "pissy old man." I literally won't compromise with anyone. I'm so picky about relationships and so fickle about trust that I have zero relationships. While sometimes this bothers me I find for the most part that I really don't care. The thought of having someone around blabbering at me all the time or the thought of the squish, smells, and fluids involved with sex make me nauseated. People just skeeve me out and it has to do with a disgust I have for them and myself that I don't understand.
My dad is a psychopath. Recently, I've been going through this sort of childish "I'M DOING WHATEVER I WANT. f*ck YOU." type of thing. If I don't want to clean my house I don't do it. If I want to eat pop tarts for lunch I do it. If I want to smoke a cigar at 2 am on my porch I do it. You get the idea. I know it's not the healthiest thing and I envision myself stabilizing and forming a healthy balance. I think it's part of processing. I've been so dominated and controlled I just want to do whatever I want even it's bad for me. I feel the same way with people. Right now, when people irritate me I wish I could punch them and they would explode into blood and multiple body parts like in Mortal Kombat Trilogy.
I won't take mood stabilizers either but I do take St. John's Wort 3 times a day. It helped take the edge off enough to where I won't have to worry about making an ass out of myself in a confrontation.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You can feel however you want about people. Plus, if someone is telling you your problems exist because you're fat you need to get rid of them. They're just being a dick.
My dad is a psychopath. Recently, I've been going through this sort of childish "I'M DOING WHATEVER I WANT. f*ck YOU." type of thing. If I don't want to clean my house I don't do it. If I want to eat pop tarts for lunch I do it. If I want to smoke a cigar at 2 am on my porch I do it. You get the idea. I know it's not the healthiest thing and I envision myself stabilizing and forming a healthy balance. I think it's part of processing. I've been so dominated and controlled I just want to do whatever I want even it's bad for me. I feel the same way with people. Right now, when people irritate me I wish I could punch them and they would explode into blood and multiple body parts like in Mortal Kombat Trilogy.
I won't take mood stabilizers either but I do take St. John's Wort 3 times a day. It helped take the edge off enough to where I won't have to worry about making an ass out of myself in a confrontation.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You can feel however you want about people. Plus, if someone is telling you your problems exist because you're fat you need to get rid of them. They're just being a dick.
