Bad person didn't stop it

[shimmerz]

Interesting. One of my sons has said that to me quite a few times. It feels dismissive and rude. I wasn't sure why. You have said it for me when I was grasping for words for it. Thank you.

as if there's no social involvement whatsoever for living in society.

 

[Mach123]

I felt guilty about how I shared it with others. Plus it had a really devastating face that was non sexual. I left a swath of damage. When I think of me as a child, I don't remember being non sexual. I used to think "why me," about that.

 

[T2L]

Part of me blames myself and thinks I should have been able to stop the abuse as a child, but the adult me knows that's not logical. I was a child and 1) the adults know what's right or wrong and 2) I couldn't have left the situation. It wasn't MY responsibility and that should never be placed on a child. They don't have the means to stop it many times.

On the flip side, I blame myself for remaining in an abusive relationship for 7 years. I was an adult, so I should have been able to stop it, right? Wrong...whether it was due to my upbringing or my personality, I emotionally did not have the ability to get out or stand up for myself. I also repeated the caretaker position and felt extremely guilty for even thinking of kicking her out. Could I have stopped it even as an adult? I used to wonder why people didn't leave abusive relationships, until I experienced it myself. Now I understand and just stopping the abuse is NOT easy even as an adult. I worked on this topic in therapy this week and I was angry at myself for not leaving. However, isn't that in a way blaming ourselves for the abuse? I know it is for me and I need to stop blaming myself for someone else's behaviors. I'm not sure if I'm expressing what I'm trying to say and I'm stayings to go in circles.

 

[DharmaGirl]

There are many reasons you don't leave as an adult. Many people are cut off from family and friends, many people have been brainwashed into believing they deserve it, or no one else would want them, or that they are terrible people, many are cut off from money, have nowhere to go, are trying to work out the abuse they suffered as a child. Blaming yourself is what your abusers taught you. They taught you to take responsibility for being there. Too bad they couldn't take responsibility for giving the abuse.

 

[freyjacat]

I have thought about this a lot regarding my csa. I would wake up to my abuse. I didn’t stop it because I felt frozen. And it happened multiple times. So it’s hard not to blame myself, but I learned that the “freezing” is called tonic immobility. Learning that really helped me in my recovery.

My abuser would go on to abuse another. So it is still something that really bothers me.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I put a stop to it at age 12. I simply said “Get out of my room” and he did and I never spoke a word to him the rest of his life. He would always stare at me though, making me feel very vulnerable and just so sad that I had this burden. By the time I was 15 I was in a love affair with meth that lasted 3 years. The euphoria it gave me made all the memories disappear. I put on new skin, went off to college, never touched drugs again and within 2 years of that, I was in a love affair with booze. That erased memories too, but I was sick and tired of the whole f*cking thing, and I quit drinking. Within 3 years I had a major mental breakdown that I’m still fighting. With help from prescribed meds that I am addicted to.
Yes, I feel immense shame that it only took a single sentence to put the abuse to an end. Why didn’t I do it sooner? Why did I find the courage? He’d been raping me since I was 4, using grooming and presents and physical abuse to remind me to stay silent. Many times I had a pillow over my face barely breathing.
How can a mind be so controlled by propaganda? I see it happening to my country by its fascist leader. It is sinister, exacting, you come to believe that there is no reality but to endure it. But all it took was a simple sentence. My t says pedophiles usually let go of prepubescent girls so as to not impregnate them. How kind of them. Bake him a f*cking cake.
My friend said let’s go to Florida, dig him up and put a bullet through his skull. I don’t plan to ever be in Florida.