Basic advice for supporters of those with mental illness

[anthony]

Think about how you would react if a friend told you they'd just been diagnosed with a physical illness. You would most likely react with concern and an offer of support, right? Now think about how you'd react if a friend told you they'd been diagnosed with a mental illness. Would you act differently toward them? Would you feel there was nothing you could do to help?

Sadly, too often people respond in a negative way when they hear a friend or family member has been diagnosed with a mental illness. This only perpetuates the stigma associated with mental illness and can leave the newly diagnosed person feeling rejected and isolated. You may be unsure of what to do or what to say, which is perfectly natural. But these tips can show you how to offer your friend the support they need.

Let your friend know you're concerned and are here to listen
Don't feel you have to offer advice. Active listening and your earnest concern for your friend's well-being can be more than enough. Be compassionate, and understand that your friend may be feeling scared or confused about their diagnosis. Mental illness is widely stigmatized; it is feared, viewed as weakness, avoided and sometimes even unfairly penalized within society. If your friend opens up to you, it is usually enough to merely be concerned and present for them.

Let your friend know that you still care about them
Make sure you still include them in your social plans. Invite them to a movie or out to lunch, but if your friend declines, don't be too insistent; they may just not be up to it yet. Even if your friend seems withdrawn, it can be invaluable to show that you actively want them to be a part of your life.

Offer practical help
Perhaps your friend needs a ride to an appointment or help running routine errands. Offering to lend a hand in times your friend expressed loneliness, increased stress or seems overwhelmed is more than a nice gesture. It could be exactly what they need. Just be careful not to overdo it, otherwise it may seem patronizing or make them feel helpless.

Respect your friend's privacy
There may be times they won't want to discuss their illness with you. Be understanding of this and don't take it personally. The diagnosis isn't and will never be your friend's whole identity, and they may not feel comfortable having it brought up. While some people may long to 'vent' about their mental health struggles to a caring friend, others may want to avoid those conversations as much as possible. It's generally best to let your friend set the pace for such discussions, although if you see that they seem unwell, casually checking in won't hurt.

Be patient with your friend
Remember that finding proper treatment can take time and possibly a certain amount of trial and error. Try your best not to express too strong an opinion of one type of treatment over another; some people do really well with medications, others with traditional therapies, others with a mix and still others with other types of treatments, such as equine therapy. Your friend will likely explore several paths for quite some time before anything will take notable effect. Remember, it's even more frustrating for the person attempting to better their health, so keep in mind that patience is most definitely a virtue for those who are supportive bystanders and cheerleaders.

Some Closing Tips
If you are afraid your friend is having a psychiatric emergency and may harm themselves, encourage them to seek help immediately. If they are resistant and you feel their life is in danger, don't be afraid to call emergency services.

Remember to take care of yourself too. While it's important to support your friend, you shouldn't have to change your life around or give up things you enjoy. If you start to feel stressed or overwhelmed, take some time out to relax and unwind.

Maintain a hopeful and positive attitude. Keep in mind that a person with mental illness can lead a productive, rewarding and fulfilling life.

 

[GMW]

I’d also like to add “accept their diagnosis – whatever it is. Denying the existence of a mental health issue because you can’t come to terms with it yourself, is neither helpful nor appropriate. Always remember you are NOT a psychiatrist and even if you are, you shouldn’t be trying to diagnose/un-diagnose your friends and family. Leave that to the professionals and always remember your friend/family member probably hasn’t told you enough to make your assessment of their issue accurate. Refusal to accept your friend’s diagnosis, insistence that it’s not a big deal or they will definitely get better (some MIs are incurable) leaves us unable to discuss our fears and concerns with you. If we have an incurable MI the last thing we need is someone filling us with false hope and reassurance based on blue-sky thinking. We don’t need to have to deal with your denial as well as our own.”

 

[lymphomamama]

Cant agree more about accepting the diagnosis of professionals who work with the person you love. Dont try to be a freelance diagnostition.

 

[lymphomamama]

Why do so many people feel such a deep need to diagnose others? Its particularly damaging when the freelance diagnostition knows nothing about the history of the patient, ther experience or injuries. Too many people think they can tell you whats wrong based on “one guy I knew” or “I read this so I know”. Leave it to the patients professionals they absolutely know more about than some busy body.