Battling Suicidal Thoughts Daily

[HOME ALONE]

As a result of my inability to find a new doctor and massive stress in my world right now, I had to take a cab to the hospital 2 days ago. I have been battling suicidal thoughts daily for a long time and the thought of being without care has plunged me into a toxic mindset.

I keep looking at my family photos to convince myself that I have a place in this world but I am fighting for my life hourly.

This is a very hard way to exist.

I look forward to hearing how other cope with these thoughts.

 

[TLight]

I'm in the same place. No where to go. No reason to be. Can't cope with anything. Just lying here thinking of the feel of steel on my temple and how it would be so nice.........if only I knew I would go somewhere better or at least no where at all. Hell would be bad........course it's what I'm used to.

I gave up on docs a long time ago.

 

[safenow]

I keep grounding myself. If you want an example, I've posted what I've been doing this last little while. It is not because I'm suicidal, it's because I'm scared right now.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/how-it-all-began.30110/page-24#post-516164[/DLMURL]

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/how-it-all-began.30110/page-24#post-516181[/DLMURL]

The thing is, I'm a multi, so it might sound a little weird. It will appear as though I am talking to myself, because I am. It is just to give you an idea of how I handle it when I am not able to function with what life is throwing at me and I can do nothing about it.

Those talking range in age from 3 to 34. Just so you know. The body is 67

 

[Springer80]

The thing is, I'm a multi, so it might sound a little weird. It will appear as though I am talking to myself. because I am. It is just to give you an idea of how I handle it when I am not able to function with what life is throwing at me and I can do nothing about it.

Hi Safenow, just thought I'd mention a British Organization that has an online members forum called First Person Plural and is set up to assist people with complex/multiple dissociation. :hug:

 

[nimkekaa]

I had to take a cab to the hospital 2 days ago.

Home Alone, I just wanted to say that I admire your strength in recognizing that you needed more help then what you could do for yourself at home. Then you went and got the support that you need. That is not easy to do.

Just lying here thinking of the feel of steel on my temple and how it would be so nice

TLight, I just wanted to check what you were meaning when you said the above. Are you making a plan to kill yourself or just expressing your feelings of lack of a better option? Do you have any supports? Do you have a safety plan for when you get to the point when you feel that suicide is your only option?

 

[WillyKat]

TLight. I know how you feel, cuz I'm feeling the same way. It won't be today, but I can't help feeling it's inevitable.

I once scared my old therapist. I described how feeling suicidal and ready to do it feels. It's like trudging through a freezing cold forest barefoot, bleeding, wounded, being chased by monsters, but you see a cabin ahead, with a light on, smoke coming from the chimney, and all you want to do is go inside. I told her that knowing there is such a cabin is sometimes comforting.