RussellSue
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My sister and I have had an on-again, off-again relationship all of my life.
Our family laid it out perfectly: I’m the smart one and she is the pretty one.
Naturally, this caused a lot of resentment from both sides. She didn’t really appreciate being pretty and stupid and I didn’t much like being ugly and smart but that was our reality.
As we have aged, I have realized that my sister isn’t stupid and has a big nose. She has noted that she wishes she also got my mom’s pretty eyes and that I am not always so smart.
And so, we are not so resentful as we once were. We also both have cPTSD and GAD and so we are able to bond, there.
But being sisters is hard. I think we both do try but ultimately fail to get each other. Add in the extra spice of shared and unshared trauma and sometimes it feels like we will never get this right.
Granted, she was also a hot chick tyrant when she was a teen and got herself kicked out of the house by chasing me with a butcher knife and locking me outside for the morning while I was trying to get ready for school. She insists she would not have hurt me and I DO NOT believe her but feel pretty confident that now that the flashbacks are over, I have forgiven her. I’m pretty sure she remains a tad angry at me for “getting” her kicked out by "making" her mad enough to chase me with a deadly weapon.
For her, I was not nearly concerned enough with being “normal.” I was embarrassing, I didn’t try not to be, and that was really anxiety-producing for her because being the pretty one meant that she had to show her people that she was cool or at least not a complete freak. Not surprisingly, I thought her people were assholes (and basically still do, including her husband of 19 years). In addition, she had no bond with my mother and I did. My mother repeatedly told my sister to mind her business and leave me the hell alone, even during times when juvenile hall was probably the best place for me. My sister resents this and insists that her violence and insults surrounded my well-being and that since my mother would not parent, she felt someone needed to. I remain skeptical about the accuracy of this, feeling that her motives were at least 50% selfish which wouldn't matter much in adulthood except that triggering stuff does still come up and she is still controlling.
Has anyone had a rough sibling situation like this and actually come to feel like they have a good relationship? Sometimes I think we are alright and sometimes I do not and don’t think we ever will be.
Our family laid it out perfectly: I’m the smart one and she is the pretty one.
Naturally, this caused a lot of resentment from both sides. She didn’t really appreciate being pretty and stupid and I didn’t much like being ugly and smart but that was our reality.
As we have aged, I have realized that my sister isn’t stupid and has a big nose. She has noted that she wishes she also got my mom’s pretty eyes and that I am not always so smart.
And so, we are not so resentful as we once were. We also both have cPTSD and GAD and so we are able to bond, there.
But being sisters is hard. I think we both do try but ultimately fail to get each other. Add in the extra spice of shared and unshared trauma and sometimes it feels like we will never get this right.
Granted, she was also a hot chick tyrant when she was a teen and got herself kicked out of the house by chasing me with a butcher knife and locking me outside for the morning while I was trying to get ready for school. She insists she would not have hurt me and I DO NOT believe her but feel pretty confident that now that the flashbacks are over, I have forgiven her. I’m pretty sure she remains a tad angry at me for “getting” her kicked out by "making" her mad enough to chase me with a deadly weapon.
For her, I was not nearly concerned enough with being “normal.” I was embarrassing, I didn’t try not to be, and that was really anxiety-producing for her because being the pretty one meant that she had to show her people that she was cool or at least not a complete freak. Not surprisingly, I thought her people were assholes (and basically still do, including her husband of 19 years). In addition, she had no bond with my mother and I did. My mother repeatedly told my sister to mind her business and leave me the hell alone, even during times when juvenile hall was probably the best place for me. My sister resents this and insists that her violence and insults surrounded my well-being and that since my mother would not parent, she felt someone needed to. I remain skeptical about the accuracy of this, feeling that her motives were at least 50% selfish which wouldn't matter much in adulthood except that triggering stuff does still come up and she is still controlling.
Has anyone had a rough sibling situation like this and actually come to feel like they have a good relationship? Sometimes I think we are alright and sometimes I do not and don’t think we ever will be.
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