Gender Dysphoria and Siblings

[Strange]

So I had a “nice” combo of CPTSD and gender dysphoria last week when I lashed out at my oldest sister, who was a culprit of sorts for my feeling “weird”. She’s a lovely person who just is unable to “get me” and I held anger about that for years. The “last straw” was receiving a birthday card from her kids, addressing me as “aunt” and my sister also was the only member of my family who didn’t respond at all when I shared I was trans. The little voice in my head wants to excuse and okay her micro aggressions to me away. I also don’t know what to do. Writing today because my other sister, the “peace maker”, responded to a text of mine sharing where I’m at. I said I was experiencing gender dysphoria, that there was a monster of sorts released and that I was working on integrating so I’m less reactive. My sister responded “it sounds like you’re going through a hard time. I hope you find some peace.”

My reaction was to respond with “Thanks, AI Bot.” and I gratefully knew better than to lash out again. At the same time - I’m in this space of wanting to explain and apologize while also being angry that I feel that way / the response I got wasn’t one of compassion.

Anyone ever been in this situation and how did you rectify moving forward?

 

[dharmaBum]

That sounds frustrating.

My kids and a total of 4 out of the 6 grandkids in our family are non-binary, but I haven't had to deal with this personally.

You definitely need an extra dose of self-protections when dealing with family around non-cis gender and dysphoria and how it impacts all the regular communication dynamics which can be dicey and fraught on their own.

Are you already connected with a gender-support hotline? I have a friend who has written about this quite a bit as they transitioned in adulthood after marriage and kids and one or both of their kids is transgender. The grandmother in the situation has been the micro-aggression type and made their choices about her a bunch.

Would it be ok if I shared their writing platform/links with you? I do not live this experience, but I love and care for many people who do.

 

[Strange]

Thank you so much for your candid and kind response as well as offer to share resources! That would be amazing and super appreciated.

 

[Movingforward10]

I'm not trans, but gay. Have had to, and continue, to deal with micro aggressions. It's very tough having your reality denied by people, especially family.

The little voice in my head wants to excuse and okay her micro aggressions to me awa

Yeah, I understand that. But it isn't ok for her to misgender you. I'm sorry about that.

What do you want to do about it? This is a 'her' thing, not a 'you' thing. Can you say "you've misgendered me and that hurts". And leave it at that? See if she apologises and explains herself?
Or: if she can't get over herself and accept you: then you will need to accept the reality of her limitations and reduce your contact with her?

My sister responded “it sounds like you’re going through a hard time. I hope you find some peace.”

This sounds like a caring response?


My family have always continued with various micro aggressions. I came out nearly 30 years ago. I attended my dad's funeral recently and didn't know if extended family would or wouldn't speak to me and my partner given their homophobia and how they have ignored us for many years. So, I get how tough it is.
But: their opinions have no reflection of you. It's them. Their loss. Their narrow mind. Their stupidness.
You live your life.

 

[Strange]

Thanks so much. I wanted to highlight your saying my other sister’s response was caring — it absolutely was. She has been my “detach with love” sibling during my angry periods and aided in appropriately challenging my “still needs work” behavior.