Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[Jawn]

Well tomorrow is moving day. She has moved small stuff all week, but the bigger stuff goes tomorrow. Her sister and nephew will be here to help. It's going to be a long and difficult day to say the least. She has been very pleasant and friendly all week. I wonder if some of the tension is easing up for her? She is touching me and calling me Hon' and Babe again. She has not done that much recently. She is even doing it in emails to me (from her work to mine). I don't know if she is just slipping back into an old habit or if this is a positive sign.

One thing I will take as a positive sign is she packed up some framed pictures of me today. I thought she would leave them, so I was pleasantly surprised. And if I know her sister, she will put them out on a shelf in the new house when she helps her unpack tomorrow. ;-) She also made a comment today that I wasn't sure how to respond to, although I guess it didn't really need one besides my big smile. She said she and her sister went over her rental contract and I asked what for. She said that she wanted to know the penalty for when she breaks the lease to come back. I asked her if that meant she was already planning on coming back and she said she just wanted to leave that door open.

On a more religious note, it occurred to me today that the little house she is renting is in a church owned community. It makes me wonder if she was guided there on purpose? My wife believes in God, but is not very religious and this community is very religious. It just makes me wonder......

Any way, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, so that we can get through tomorrow OK. Although for me tomorrow night when she is not here will be the hardest part.

Thanks,

Jawn

 

[Nicolette]

Good luck for tomorrow Jawn. I admire you for coping with what can only be a very emotional and heart wrenching situation. May you both be blessed and find your paths re-join.

 

[AdamAnt]

I see good news all over the place Jawn! Of course the pet words point in a good direction, but you've got family members around her that are on your side. She's making sure not to burn the bridges that lead back to you, and the community she's moving to will be supportive of you being there when possible and of her reconciling with you....If there is such a thing with PTSD, I'd have to say you have the deck stacked in your favor from where I sit! BRAVO!

 

[amethist]

Hang in there Jawn, your doing everything right from what you have posted. It seems as if she appreciates you letting her go for now, showing her you understand her need for this.

It could be a good idea to change your own routine from now on. Hard as this may seem, but it will help you get through the first heart wrenching parts of all this.

As AdamAnt said above, it does look as if the deck is stacked in your favour. It will take time, you will not be able to rush her, and a Church Community could put her on the road back to you.

Take care of yourself.

Amethist

 

[Iam]

Hey Jawn,

I must say that your love shines thru your posts. The fact that you are giving your wife the space she needs and still there to support her is TRUE love. Love wants what is best for the person. Sees and understands what they are at and does what is in their best interest, without cancelling out yourself. It is awesome that you are looking at your wife's needs and desires, but you also need to take care of yourself. I agree with Amethist that it might be best to change your routine for now. Maybe it will help to feel her absence a little less. Maybe there is something that you have always wanted to do, but put on the back burner for one reason or another?

I am praying for both of you. Seems God is working His plan out already in putting her in a community of faith. Sounds like good, sound spiritual support that will point her to truth ;o)

 

[seedling]

Jawn,

Will be thinking of you; so happy to hear of some positive signs. Where she is moving to may be a place where less of the games are played that pit people against each other. Sounds good.

I think you have taken a lot of pressure off of her - and less pressure = less stress, maybe that's why she is able to be more upbeat.

I'm sure she will look at all the pictures with a whole range of emotions but hopefully will find an anchor there.

Maybe you needed her special chair to give you the hope she will once again sit in it. Don't feel guilty about wanting to keep what may be a help to you.

Take care........

 

[Jawn]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate it.

Ok, I did fine for most of the day. There was one time where I was in her kitchen and started to get a sad face and she told me to not go there. She also said you have been doing really good. She then hugged me and said it will be alright. She said this is just a step in the process for her to get better and that she would probably come back home at some point. Needless to say, that made me happy. She ended up hugging me a few times during the day.

My sister-in-law hugged me at one point and said that she was 100% sure my wife would come back to me once she was healthy. I said I hope so and she said “yes she will” and she wouldn’t let go of me until I said it too. So there were several positives today and I am trying to focus on them. I mentioned the framed pictures of me to my sister-in-law and she dug through boxes until she found them and she put them out on a shelf. Gotta love her for that. ;-)

Last night was very difficult for me. My wife had come out here to get some food for her place and to pick up the dogs she is taking with her. As she was getting ready to back out of the driveway I started to tear up. She told me out the open window of her car that it would be alright. As she drove out I completely lost it and spent a very sleepless night. This morning is very hard too looking around the house.....it seems so empty without her and her stuff.



Thanks for the suggestions of changing my routine. My T also suggested something similar and I plan on doing that. My wife and I used to go dancing a lot and to take lessons too. I have been looking at the lesson schedule of where we used to go and plan on starting that again. I mentioned that to my sister-in-law yesterday and she said good for you. She then said my wife had mentioned my idea of a date night and my sister-in-law said maybe meeting for dance lessons would be a good idea....but to give her a couple of weeks before pushing that idea. I do have a bunch of projects around here to work on, like putting new flooring in the bedroom and I plan on painting a shed today. But I also plan on getting out and doing fun things like dancing and other activities that I have let go over the years.


Thanks everyone,


Jawn

 

[Deleted member 5760]

Jawn - Wow that is so awesome that you dance! Ladies - come on, what a catch. I sincerely wish from the bottom of my heart that things work out for you. You've just been so wonderful throughout the whole ordeal. I hope you get the love in return that you've so freely given. My thoughts are with you dear.

-Jen

 

[Iam]

It sounds like there is still true hope Jawn. In the meantime.....do things that make you happy and fulfilled. It will be good for you to focus on yourself and who you are. You are a rare and special person, it is evident in your posts ;o) All will be well in the end, this is a journey in which both you and your wife will find personal growth which will eventually enhance your relationship with eachother. I truly believe that ;o)

 

[a3a2]

Jawn,

After reading your posts, I have nothing but respect for you. You and your wife will be in my prayers.

I must also say that as a ptsd sufferer, I though many times about making the escape. But in the end, I always had to come back to my knight. I hope you get your happy ending.

 

[kclarkesocal]

I'm very happy to see that you're seeing some positive signs...I think that I have some similar positive data points in my situation as well. I'm not sure whether there's any connection or not, but in my case, as I did a better job taking care of myself (and frankly becoming less obsessive about my relationship status) my relationship seemed to actually improve.

 

[Jawn]

Thanks everyone! Iam I agree there seems to be reason to smile now. Jen, thanks for your support. Thanks to everyone who has followed my story and provided support to me.

My wife came out to the house today to help clean the mess made during the move and she wanted to rearrange the remaining furniture in the living room so it doesn't look so empty. She was here for a couple of hours and spent most of the time cleaning or packing more of her clothes. As she was finishing up, I asked her if she wanted to go get some dinner with me. She said yes so we had a nice time at Subway (I go all out for my dates! lol). As we were getting ready to go, I hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. She said she would see me tomorrow as she will be coming out to pack some more stuff and haul it to her place.

Oh as we were talking over dinner I mentioned that I needed to giver her the spare key to her place back that she gave to me yesterday so our nephew and I could take a load over while she and her sister continued packing. She told me to keep it because I might need to use it again. Not really sure what she meant by that, but letting me have a key must be a good sign, right?

Anyway, it was a fairly pleasant day and I did get the shed painted and ran a few errands. My wife and I will be going to the State Fair on Monday, so hopefully that will be a fun time as well.

Thanks folks,

Jawn