Blew it last night

[Iamsensative]

I sent an email to my therapist, happens every once in a while. I was freaking out, not at him but how i felt at that moment. My body felt like a thousand ants were crawling on me, i was panicking over work and struggles. I felt like i wanted to just die, i wake up some nights like this. He is my safe person, i write him often to bring myself down but don't send. This one i sent. Of course he responded to me first thing in the morning. Lecture me on where, i need to focus, how i cant keep driving myself. I know he is right and i feel awful hitting send. I hate so much to lose it and he is always there. But i know i stress him out with emails like these. But he responds anyway. I just feel awful, i sometimes cant control that need to just let him know. But i am always ashamed and embarrassed. It rips me apart. I hurt so much right now, i dont want to upset anyone.

 

[loui50]

Has he ever told you not to email him? If you were driving him crazy with emails then he would tell you that you crossed a boundry. I use to write emails to my t all the time and not hit send. Sometimes I would send them if I really needed help and just writing it down didn't help. Talk to you t about the emails at your next session. It will surely make you feel better!!

 

[Iamsensative]

Has he ever told you not to email him? If you were driving him crazy with emails then he would tell you...

No he lets me email, i can text but that doesnt stop that feeling of not being rationale and out of control. If i could bring it down i would not hit send, but its just an awful feeling. I finally fall asleep and wake up in horror that i hit send. I will talk to him, i am sure he will bust my chops. But inside i feel so out of control, i dont want to upset anyone. See him next week but this fear creeps in he is going to tell me no more. Still irrational see..thank you for your support.

 

[PointlessExistence]

Did you ever tell him about the debilitating inner conflict you go through when deciding whether to email him or not? I think this would be a great thing to tackle in therapy. It can be a win/win. If all goes well, you'll not only be addressing how it affects, you'll also find out how it affects him.

 

[Spacecadetess]

I sent an email to my therapist, happens every once in a while. I was freaking out, not at him but...

I am sure you are not upsetting anyone. He is a therapist after all who wants to be there for you.
Hope you are feeling better..

 

[Justmehere]

He may find the emails helpful. He gets to know what it's really like for you in your worst moments. He also gets the opportunity to help coach you to a better place.

You also have an amazing opportunity here to talk to him further about how you feel sending the email, and experiencing his acceptance of you, not the worry and judgement you think he feels, and then to figure out some really solid strategies so that you can manage things more like you want to be able to do.

Mistakes are simply another chance to grow. They are an expected part of healing.