Childhood Body memories of arousal

[Bluerainbow]

I am very early on in my healing of possible CSA and currently in therapy. I've recently been struggling with what seems like body memories of arousal when I'm thinking about the trauma.

I know this is a common experience for those that have experienced sexual assault but no-one really says what that arousal feels like so I don't know if what I'm experiencing is normal.

If you struggle with this what does this feel like for you? Does your body actually have a physical reaction or you just remember what that feels like? Is it more an urge to engage in sexual activity or something else?

 

[Friday]

Does your body actually have a physical reaction or you just remember what that feels like?

No childhood trauma, here.

- An actual physical reaction? Equals flashback. And yep. That happens.
- I “just” remember? Can be infinitely more brutal painful, but no, there is no present day reaction, as I am remembering, instead of reliving.

 

[MxEnby]

Hi Bluerainbow,
Similar to you I have only recently started looking at my potential CSA for the first time ever in therapy.
I have tried to be overly explicit while still kind of being descriptive of what I experience.
I don't have image-based memories so I solely experience what my therapist calls body memories. When I am experiencing body memories, I feel my body reacting and becoming aroused. I am female-bodied so for me most of this arousal is focused on my genitals. My genitals lubricate, become slightly engorged and I feel phantom sensations/pressure/faint pulses of pleasure.
I don't feel an urge to engage in activity or do anything. I don't know how to really explain it other than it is like my body is replaying things that happened to it and natural physical reactions caused by external sensations but with the volume (in terms of how much pressure/roughness/etc is on my skin) is turned way down.
I'm not super sure if this is what you are asking about so I apologise in advance if it isn't (feel free to delete).