Body memories

[vikingr24]

See some typos already. Sorry I haven't figured out the editor yet -- either.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I was very close then to taking my own life

I have repeatedly been close, or stopped beforehand

One bite at a time. Reduce a problem to its simplest terms and you can figure it out. Let go of everything else

I have spent a lifetime repeating this very sequence, I guess that probably has a lot to do with why I still exist.

I was numb. I felt as though nothing could get inside me and make me smile or laugh or even cry. No event, a sunrise, a sunset, a beautiful picture, even the smile of a small child.

most if the time I am either numb from it all or want to get numb. The world expects me to try and go forward, while I just would be fine with going to sleep and never waking up. But I wake up, so I have to do what is expected of me, even though it prolongs the pain. For me letting inside, it's twisted, I literally cannot trust anyone or any situation. Its tiring, with hypervigilance engaged 24/7 fearing if the person I am dealing with or situation will bring me harm. It's like the abuse is always with me, follows me, has reduced me to a sub-person. I say sub-person because most people can tolerate and deal with uncertainty in there life, I can't, I fall apart right away once situation uncertainty is in play. It's a sad way to exist.
If there was a reset button that cleared my memory I would push it in a heart beat. I just want the pain to go away.

Anyway, I see my T on Wednesday, don't know where that will lead, as I know I am in a bad frame of mind again.

See some typos already. Sorry I haven't figured out the editor yet -- either.

Typo's make us human

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I see my T tomorrow, I don't know what will happen, my housemate says she has observed while I have not been depressed, that I have been moody and not right, if its that obvious I suspect my T won't miss it. Won't be surprised if I am forced inpatient or followed by mobil crisis.