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Body work?

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Bibine

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For the first time ever in my life, I can feel that the body really does have a memory, and it is quite mysterious. I am reliving flash backs sometimes, or getting insights, and they are accompanied by bodily sensation - that some would call 'menopausal' but that are really connected to trauma.

In France, there's a therapy called 'micro kinesitherapy' (like micro physiotherapy), where the therapist finds the area in your body where trauma is located, and with subtle movements tries to unlock it.Then for two days you're supposed to be tired, and you can not do two sessions too quickly, it takes months to rebalance.

So I had an appointment today, but I chickened out. I don't feel ready. I don't feel the need to be pushed right now. I am already super tired, and sleepless. I canceled the appointment...

Now my question is: does anybody have good experience with some kind of body work (therapeutic)? I can feel my body needs something to evacuate, I go for walks, cycling, yoga... but maybe there is more?

Thank you..
 
I’ve had reiki sessions and done some yoga specifically for yoga as well as going to a body worker who can pull past emotions out of you really quickly. My stuff is really locked down cause none of that has worked for me but I do plan on doing somatic experiencing at some point. I think there’s a lot to it.
 
I do restorative yoga, very gentle and deep, and it always reconnects me nicely - I never regret my sessions, on the contrary.. but these things are never intrusive, as you go as far as you can go and it will never push you beyond your limits. I was wondering if in some kind of body work therapy (like the one I mentioned above), the therapist could maybe go beyond to where you really want to go or are ready to?
 
I had to take a break from bodywork because it was bringing up memories and sensations I couldn’t cope with. After a long hiatus, I’m now trying some myofascial and cranial sacral work. The focus right now is on my hips and psoas. It’s emotional and we’re going very slow. I’ve been more open than I think the practitioner expected and she’s not trauma trained. However, I have nothing to lose so I continue to be very open and honest and she has taken it in stride. I don’t let anyone touch my throat and told her why. If there’s anything she wants to do around my throat, she asks me if I feel like I can put my own hand gently over it for her.
 
I had a similar feeling of needing to allow the memories to be processed through body work. I wanted my therapist to touch me so badly and I was so depressed thinking about it.

So I researched and found out about Peter Levine and somatic experiencing.

Also I found Pat Jackman on YouTube. She does emotional release massage, and even people without trauma can end up bawling on her table because she helps them release old fears.

So I found someone who does emotional release massage in my area. My massage therapist uses a method called Trager. It’s very gentle, but very profound.

I had never had a professional massage and I had experienced trembling panic attacks whenever discussing the trauma or whenever someone touched me or showed concern toward me in an intimate way. That had happened since I was a teen. Whenever I dated someone the trembling would go away after a while of getting to know them.

When I first went to the emotional release massage my body shook really hard for the whole hour and was in pain for a while after that, but I felt okay because I knew that I was safe. I cried and also said positive affirmations about myself and she encourages me to say or vocalize whatever comes to mind.

The massage therapist said that the trembling was just old fears being released from my body.

I have gone a total of four times now. Each time it’s different. It has never been as bad as the first time, but the shaking still happens and sometimes other body movements too, and she always says that’s good. Each time I feel reconnection or re-integration with a different part of my body. I talk to my body to find out what it wants to say and what it is holding onto.

I always feel a shift—I usually feel a lightness or a calmness afterward.

I realized that my body is reacting to her as though she is my dad. I even told her that. And she said that’s right but that now I can tell my body that it is safe, and that I will always keep it safe.

I still go to talk therapy. In talk therapy I have been focusing on the breakdown of my marriage. In the emotional release massage it goes straight to the core—to the one who is afraid of never getting enough, to the one who keeps asking why, to the one who feels utterly abandoned.

I guess in talk therapy it might go to the core too, but it’s hard to tell, because there’s so many words and a lot of talking about husband and kids, and still trying to stabilize that.
 
Thank you so much for sharing this, it is very precious to me. I suddenly remember that some 28 years ago, somebody who was learning Trager gave me a massage once. I have no recollection of that experience... but I my try to find a therapist now. Thank you again for your soothing way of sharing. It really helps. Wishing you a lot of good.
 
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