BPD Border line personality

[GMW]

I have only one thing to add to what's already been said;

When I realised another name for BPD is Unstable Emotional Disorder that made me feel a whole lot better because the description is there in the title and it's one I feel BETTER fits the problem.

There's nothing wrong with our personalities! We are lovely people who have been badly hurt. OF COURSE WE WILL BE UNSTABLE!! Look at what we have been through! I personally think there might be something quite disturbingly wrong with someone who can go through what I have and be "normal". I'd look at THEM like THEY had 3 heads!! My therapist told me that developing these problems is a NORMAL REACTION TO AN ABNORMAL PROBLEM. Wow, the validation from that statement was like someone pouring healing oils directly onto my broken heart.

After my diagnosis I was made to feel like a bunny boiling, attention seeker who didn't deserve help. Guess what? I already believed that about myself, it just confirmed it. I was ready to kill myself.

It was then used as an excuse for my boss and several others to drug and rape me because "nobody will believe her"

I hate that diagnosis.

I thought I would need DBT too, and my nearest DBT specialist is in London (2 hours away). I found my current therapist when I saw she has specialisms is abuse, trauma, self-harm, etc etc. She hit every box and is only 5 mins away. When I met her she was warm, validating, she seemed to really care and had an endearing "soft" quality I connected with. I found talking to her easier than I expected. I was so convinced I'd need a psychiatrist that when I told her about my BPD diagnosis I thought she'd say "ah ok that changes things... you need more help than I am qualified/experienced to give". To my surprise she didn't. She took it in her stride. She is one of the more expensive therapists in my area BUT she is worth it.

It is all about finding the right fit. Finding someone who understands that you aren't a "quick fix" and more than anything you need validation and a space to talk about your insecurities. Not necessarily about finding someone specialised in DBT. If you really think you'd benefit, there are books on DBT out there.

Good luck brave girl xxx

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have BPD. A lot of PTD & BPD synptoms cross but the biggest challenge with BPD was my extreme emptions. Felt them all in the highest intensity and other then Seriquel XR, my biggest help was DBT. It helped me to learn how to regulate emotions, distract, self soothe, tolerate distress better etc.

It certianly doesnt have to be the biggest challenge.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)focuses on the concept of mindfulness, or paying attention to the present emotion. DBT teaches skills to control intense emotions, reduce self-destructive behavior, manage distress, and improve relationships. It seeks a balance between accepting and changing behaviors. This proactive, problem-solving approach was designed specifically to treat BPD. Treatment includes individual therapy sessions, skills training in a group setting, and phone coaching as needed. DBT is the most studied treatment for BPD and the one shown to be most effective.

Treating BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I can give you some important insight into BPD, which is one of the worse places to be, and I believe those of us who have gotten that DX as I did years ago, its probably from some of the most severe abuse experiences, often multiple over a period of time. I tend to be believe BPD is a from developing a complete inability to trust period. Thus the inate need comes into place thus the old BPD description they use to describe it 'I hate you don't leave me" thinking.

The good news, BPD does not have to be the nail in the coffin it is made out to be, you can move from having a BPD DX just by working at hour you think with a very very very good therapist (thats key), someone who understand the concept of splitting we engage in, and how to deal with it, and someone who is excellent in cognative therapy, I had such a therapist, while my gains were nothing compared to where I need to be, the improvements I made could be best be described as huge breakthoughs, if I had not had that therapist I probably would by now be in a chronic hospital setting probably for the rest of my life, worsening instead of improving. If I could put things on a scale of 0 to 100 with 0 being 100 percent recovered and 0 being a basket case, and untreatable and never improving, and not improving, she moved me from a 20 to a 25. Which when I was going no where and going back wards could be considered a miracle in itself. I am probably between a 35-55 now on that scale if I was to self judge, but without that little movement back then to 25 I would never have improved at all. I no longer carry that BPD DX, I have other ones now, but that in itself shows what can be done with the right person and the hard work. Even having improved I do get down about the struggle, going thru that now again. I but I do give myself credit for having put the BPD DX behind me.

My recommendation, is find the right therapist, you may have to go thru several, you need one who understands, is qualified, and won't let you manipulate the process. Someone who will supportively challenge you to challenge your own thinking. For me it was a simple process of reflecting on interactions I had on daily basis, and understanding my reactions and the others reactions, and exploring how I could have processed things differently. Its a slow process. But it does wonders.

 

[trying2movefwd]

Thanks @hurtingbadly.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

'I hate you don't leave me"

I so dislike the title of this book.

I have BPD and have all symptoms but one. This one that aligns with the title of that book "idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel". I dont do that. For me its like "go away but please dont leave me".

I tend to be believe BPD is a from developing a complete inability to trust period.

I can trust, though trust is extremely hard, it isnt impossible.

Trust, for me, is gained over a long time of you being trustworthy, showing me you can be trusted and are not going to hurt me. It does take a very long time but still not impossible.

I trust my therapist 100% and people on here 70-ish% but that's way better then when i first came here thinking all was put to hurt me.

cognative therapy

CBT is good, DBT is better which is part of and inside of CBT so I suppose have a therapist specializing in CBT is good. Id say get a good trauma therapist as they likely will be trained in CBT, DBT, EMDR, and others.

Therapies for BPD per Mayo Clinic:

Borderline personality disorder Treatments and drugs - Mayo Clinic

I no longer carry that BPD DX, I have other ones now, but that in itself shows what can be done with the right person and the hard work. Even having improved I do get down about the struggle, going thru that now again. I but I do give myself credit for having put the BPD DX behind me.

That's awesome.

I want to expand on this for a minute. BPD, just like PTSD, isnt curable BUT it can be managed and if managed well enough, a person may not have enough symptoms to meet the criteria thus loosing the dignosis.

Just wanted to explain that. But that's awesome you've managed it that well!

 

[trying2movefwd]

@lostforgottensoul I also do not meet that criteria. I am however either on good terms with you or a angry or hurt, but never hateful and very forgiving. I am more the chameleon wanting you to like me so I become like you.. without my realizing it's happening. I meet just enough criteria to receive the dx. :( But it helps I know this about myself now. No wonder I fear "loss" so much.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I also do not meet that criteria.

But

I meet just enough criteria to receive the dx

So you either dont meet the crieteria or you do just enough to be diagnosed. And its not really a bad thing to be diagnosed as its only naming something you already have. Thats all titles are.

I am however either on good terms with you or a angry or hurt

That, in my opinion, would fit. The point of that is its black & white thinking about people. Seeing someone good until they hurt you then they are a horrible person, basically.

You dont have to have that symptom, i dont, but i have all of the rest and you only have to meet 7 of the 9 symptoms for dx, i meet 8 of the 9 symptoms.

 

[Doggylover]

I think BPD is an epithet. I, and others I knew when I was at the Menninger Clinic where I've heard everyone gets diagnosed with a personality disorder--is traumatizing in itself. I explained to my psychiatrist that telling someone they have a personality disorder or character disorder implies that the person's entire self is disordered. He had said to a colleague, who shared what he said with us in a psychoeducational group, Dr. ___ says that "telling someone they have a personality disorder is not a compliment."

 

[trying2movefwd]

I meet 7/9

 

[trying2movefwd]

I started this discussion and now it's really bothering me to the point of tears! *sarcasm as I say, Im not borderline or anything* :cry: (why does cutting help me, sigh, shrug, ugh, scream!) I just want to haven't in months.

 

[Changing4Best]

I confessed to my T that I thought I had it and she agreed. She says she uses a lot of different techniques and therapies on me. I like it best when she describes a similar problem in her life and then tells me how she solved it. That seems to give me some hope that my issue can be solved and since I am rather creative, I can relate her solution to my problem and come up with some kind of similar solution to solve the issue.

 

[trying2movefwd]

4 months in and a very good T is still trying to help me get stabilized. Something old T couldn't do the 14 months I was with her. Sometimes I feel like just giving up, like it's going to be too hard or that I am an "impossible case" But I really want DBT to work for me, we can't quite get there though if I keep S/Ing. :( Suggestions for stopping S/I thoughts appreciated. I know grounding,mindfulness,distraction.. im trying those things, but what specifically works or has worked for you all?