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BPD BPD back

#13
This is beautiful and so helpful thank you @TruthSeeker


This is what I struggle with the most, the give and take. I think I'm getting better at this, but it's still SO hard. The awareness helps!!
If someone helps me, I thank them immediately...if I forgot.... right away, I text a thank you. If that person is having a bad day, I do something nice for them (bring over a meal, put a nice card in their door, give a few cans for their church food drive....whatever. I think it is the little thoughtful things that bring balance to a relationship.

This is beautiful and so helpful thank you @TruthSeeker
I'm going to write my own set of values down, I thought I had some but I think I need to write them down. I would want to be known as kind, thoughtful, independent and creative.
Most People of Trauma (sounds like a movie title) are really pretty smart and creative. Many people here on the forum have many talents.....it's good you are creative....a characteristic found in most survivors! 😁 You probably have multiple creative talents. Neediness and independent are at the opposite ends of the spectrum. When I left everyone who had knowledge of the world, and computers, and fixing things, I looked needy. I said no thank you....a lot.....YouTube videos are invaluable.....at helping with solutions to all kinds of things.....LOL.

This is beautiful and so helpful thank you @TruthSeekerI think I'm starting to get here, which also scares me because friendships based on shared values and interests to me mean that it's harder to leave if something goes wrong. But the people I'm around now aren't people I would want to leave. I think that responsibility scares me, to tend to good relationships. But I push through and work it out.
Boundaries.....I think are the key to keeping relationships from falling apart later, or providing distance initially, so that you don't take relationships too fast, and end up with drama....Boundaries, for me, have helped me modulate relationship expectations. Keeping expectations low keeps stress low. It also leaves the window open in the first year or two, to back away or get closer.....better you know someone, and they know you, the easier it is to work out problems later on. For each relationship, I hold fast to specific boundaries......no neediness on my part or theirs-I don't enable others to be needy (that is a huge stressor for me), the give and take is pretty even, communication isn't one way or strained feeling, and everything is comfy with values and morals-no drugs/alcohol is limited to special occasions.....it's not necessary and my past history was too full of it.

@TruthSeeker
I'm going to do this too! I think I'm actually starting to live my life how I think I want to, and it's been better.
That's great!!! Good luck!
 
Thread starter #14
I had another "episode" last night. I didn't react or act out, so that's at least getting better, but it was 5 hours of heightened emotions and now I'm so, so exhausted. It's nearly noon here and I'm just sort of getting started. I slept 9 hours. I am scared about this with working full time, but I've done it before. It'll be an adjustment. I'm just trying to be nice to myself but it's hard when I feel so much shame and anger towards myself.
 
#15
I had another "episode" last night. I didn't react or act out, so that's at least getting better, but it was 5 hours of heightened emotions and now I'm so, so exhausted.
Good job riding the wave and not acting out. And it's really natural that you'd feel exhausted - so try and not beat yourself up about sleeping late.
I am scared about this with working full time, but I've done it before. It'll be an adjustment.
Hang in there - you're doing very well.
 
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