Breaking the habit of over-explaining


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40 yrs of conditioning to explain what I say and do, right down to the details of my facial expressions or position of my fingers, went completely undetected by me until 3 yrs ago when I met a friend who says to me frequently, “You don’t have to explain that,” “You don’t owe them/me an explanation/anything,” “You don’t have to answer that (when he witnesses someone questioning me inappropriately, which in Canada seems pretty common),” etc.... When someone does this to him, he responds calmly, “What, are you writing a book?” Hahahahaha makes me laugh every time.

Anyway, with this regular repetition from him and my own practice of asking myself if I really need to explain myself, I’m just starting to reduce this a bit. It’s slow-going, but I’m truly learning this for the first time as an adult and it’s not easy for me, but I see the prize of self respect and self-love and freedom at the other end and I want it. I notice I don’t have to tell you people any of this!!! Hahahahaha thanks for being here. Very helpful and heartening thread :)