I should probably figure out why I trigger people to get forceful or think that is needed
He replied that I need “a direct and forceful approach to be effective.” He said he would be too nice and empathetic.
Since this kind of thing seems to come up kind of often, do you think there would be any benefit in flipping it around and getting THEM to explain themselves? (I've done this. I find resisting the impulse to defend/explain myself is kind of hard at first, but it's possible.)
I don know what that guy's problem was. Far as I know, an intact is a simple gathering of information and doesn't require any decisions or value judgements by the person conducting it. Doesn't sound to me like he did a very good job. If you actually want to gather information, it seems like you need to let the other person talk and ENCOURAGE them to talk. You don't do that by arguing with them, like he did.