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Breaking the habit of over-explaining

#25
It’s a temp ban but they say it’s in part because I am talking too much in an incorrect tone and I just can’t...

There is so much going so wrong I just can’t seem to be enough. I didn’t think there was any conflict and then bam. Something I needed to help keep suicidal thoughts at bay is gone.
I'm so sorry you got banned.
Slightly off topic...
but if swimming is such an integral part of your well being it might be worth considering a different avenue to include it in your life?

You know me <whistling> “Moving” is almost always my first solution based thought... and that’s neither possible nor desireable for most people. Still, it’s a thing to consider for either the short/long term; as some options would be immediately available, and others might “just” be the whole 5 year plan kind of thing.

Locally
- An apartment with a pool (but that still means dealing with people...who can close the pool, rent out the pool, have stupid rules, etc.)
- A house with a pool (rent or buy)
- A house with room to have a pool dug & pool house (for year round swimming, essentially a big ole greenhouse) built. <<< This is one of the best options for physical disabilities, as you can build it to suit your own needs.

Less Locally
- A climate that allows for year round swimming (Pools, rivers, ocean)
- A climate that makes home/apartment pools the norm

It doesn’t seem from an outside perspective like you have a whole lot tying you to where you are, right now. As, if I’m remembering correctly, you’re thinking of leaving your job, and have renewed the marathon-therapy-search. I could be completely wrong, in that, as there are more reasons to live somewhere than a job you love & stellar specialists.
I need to figure out how to shut myself up more. I spoke to the powers that be and after talking they are ending the temp ban early. They want to meet. Fine. They said point blank, “We didn’t want to prevent you from swimming but you kept refusing to meet with us.”

I began to look for places to swim up to 500 miles away, and dear goodness lakes require redactions to swim now because covid capacity issues. Pools are booked. I did find an alternative place for the weekend.

Moving is a whole other thing... and something I want to do... finding other ways to get what swimming does for my brain would be good too.

Why can’t I just be a quirky rambler?! Most my friends offline say I’m overly quiet. But on some things... why can’t the world just let me be a quirky rambler and move on...
Just a thought....swimming was going great, along with aerobics classes, and made all the difference for me. Then covid hit.....I'm from water....live on water, and will die on water....the water alone is calming. I decided to get a kayak....and explore. The exercise alone from kayaking helps a lot, and I can go for a swim, or let my feet hang in the water....and kayaking you get wet, got nature right there, and I've met a few waterfront neighbors. So, maybe you can branch out into other water sports. I've only had the kayak solution for a little over a week and it's made all the difference in the world since I can't use the pool.
 
#26
It’s a temp ban but they say it’s in part because I am talking too much in an incorrect tone and I just can’t...

There is so much going so wrong I just can’t seem to be enough. I didn’t think there was any conflict and then bam. Something I needed to help keep suicidal thoughts at bay is gone.
So, I'm going to throw this out there.....if swimming means so much, and it sounds like it is really important, sit down and talk with them....and find out exactly what their issue is with your tone....If you already know.....then consider this a learning opportunity to change that behavior that is causing them grief. .....I don't know, but I think you might want to look at the behavior that is gaining attention.....and work a solution not to do it on your pool time. I also like Friday's suggestion, to consider finding a location to move that has swimming year round as part of your living environment.
 
Thread starter #27
Friends who have seen my video interacting with them say they seem paternalistic and like they are over controlling. Everyone is telling me the video shows I did nothing wrong. I asked how to make a reservation with a change in rules for doing it and everybody says my tone is just fine. They think they are getting bossy with a disabled girl. I don’t care.

I have a ***slight*** hearing impairment in my primary care doctor and I have decided that we are using it to require all further communication be with pen and paper. That will eliminate tone and wordiness. They are agreeing. We are also going to ask for double time reservations so I’m not so stressed getting checked in fast.
 
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#29
No speaking means no tone. Problem solved.
<cough> Not really. You know this, yes?

Because

- If you want to get better at saying exactly what you want to say, how you want to say it? That requires practice.

- Tone is expressed more by body language than voice, although both -usually- synergistically affect each other, and the absence of either can convey tone in and of itself. The weight of silence. The absence of presence.

Sorry, Chica. You’re f*cked. It’s practice how you wanna do things, or get alright with saying too much, or too little, in ways you don’t wanna, with results that drive you crazy. Or, you know, continue to be vexed. On the upside? It’s a win/win/zero sum. Either you get better at it, get happier about it, or nothing changes. So any direction you choose to focus your energy on? Is the right one.
 
Thread starter #30
Weirdest thing - to make it right, they said they’d give me double time at the pool that they give anyone else for a time. One key person texted me to thank me and make sure my swim went well yesterday and today, and they invited me to speak to an advisory board about better disability inclusion. Another asked me to help design a new program. WTF. They encouraged me publically on record they want me back at the pools.

That how much they backtracked.

The only thing that changed is I put on my work-mode way of being. I spoke with calm authority over my life. Nothing else, just my life, my needs, and I used the language and terms they use and combined it with NVC (non violent communication techniques) —— just like to do at work with unreasonable people.

I also made sure my ADHD meds were on board.

I did something I was failing at in almost every darn personal or outside-of-work relationship lately... I spoke with calm authority over my own life and didn't keep explaining EVERYTHING until everyone agreed.
 
#36
I absolutely did this for years. Believed I had to defend my opinions, perceptions, ideas, etc. I don't honestly know how it stopped for me. I just know it came after a hellacious period in my life with severe trauma that cost me a great deal. I had cut ties with my mother, stepfather, and sister and moved across the country. I found my way to a support group and there I learned that I never had to explain anything I said again. I had to hear it a lot and did not know I had stopped until a person I did not want to spend time with pointed out that I had turned down invitations to stay after work to eat with her and couple other people. She said "You just say no and leave without any reason why." I almost started doing a happy dance in front of her but waited until later. LOL Mind you I had been in and out of therapy for 17 years at that point. So, it wasn't as easy as it sounds.
 
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