Other Breaking Up With Ptsd,so Confused.

[CHRISTIAN]

So where do I start and I try to understand within the confused state that this has left me. 14 months ago I met the most amazing human being. I knew from the start that this angel has broken wings and as the months transpired she opened up just a little of how she was abused sexually, verbally, mentally by her ex partner. A few of the things that I had heard were horrific and knew that this was going to be a selfless relationship and I admit that maybe at the beginning I tried to fix her, I learnt really quick that all I had to do was be there. Not be her therapist or her rescuer just be there.
I recently have this knowledge of her PTSD and have started to educate myself and trying to understand that there may have been triggers of things I said, done, actions whatever it may have been, to my ignorance and through the lack of communication on her behalf she started acting really funky(not blaming her though I wish someone would've told me prior so that I could've educated myself earlier).
I moved away to another state(only an hour plane trip) a month ago for work and I thought it would be a good idea to give her some space to see what it was that she wanted. We were still in a relationship and in contact everyday, until she went to Vietnam for a friends wedding and I received a text that our relationship was done and it was time to say goodbye.
At first I was in shock and obviously went into my own flight or fight mode to try and understand what had just happened but I gave her the space to contemplate if this what she really wanted. As 2 weeks have gone past I have received messages from "BABY I MISS YOU", " I think of you", " I've spent the weekend sulking for you","I love you", so this left me quite confused because I can admittingly say I absolutely love her until this past Wednesday when I sent her a long text and the reply was " I don't want to talk to you anymore, please do not contact me again".
I've been left so broken,disorientated,confused. I am Depressed and I do nothing but cry(I Have contacted a counsellor for this) but trying to understand what has happened has been the hardest for me.
I know this post may seem a little scattered and it may be reflective of how I'm feeling at the moment but I guess I'm just trying to gain some clarity.
Be blessed everyone
much AROHA.

 

[Danielle Regan]

I have complex ptsd and I am up down up down there actually a page on here that is about people asking why did they brake up with me it's very in site full and usefull not in all cases but sometimes the ptsd can take away a persons emotions from my experience sometimes it because we feel guilty for the shot we put our loved ones threw sometimes it cause we generally don't know what we want all the things she text u are properly true that she misses you and stuff from my experience alot of mine was threw embarrassment for the way I acted during one my episodes it's nothing you have done or she it really is confusing for the sufferer and for the partners you have to know inside your strong enough has she been going councilling or seen a pshyciatrist or a ythin counculling for your self is good because I don't know if u know but u can get ptsd off your relationship I think it called secondary ptsd somethin like that take care of yourself first that's important but think if this is for you because it's not easy on you and some times the suffer will have it for life x,xx if you still feel confused go on the forums chat to some people I wish u well in your journey my friend and good luck xx

 

[Danielle Regan]

That thing is on the home page second one down about the partner thing hope this helps

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

It might just be what it is. You are you and she is she and if she said she doesn't want contact, all you can do is respect that.

I broke up with my ex years ago and he blamed it on my mental state. I believe it was the right choice FOR ME and if had nothing to do with him or with my illness. I wanted to be single. It was a really good choice. All of my friends were grateful and therapists approved. He was really kind to me for the most part - but it wasn't good for me. And I knew it. I made the choice that was best for me.

I don't know why she did it. But maybe it is best to just accept it as it is and move onward.

 

[christian isola]

I have complex ptsd and I am up down up down there actually a page on here that is about people...

Thx Danielle, much AROHA for your reply, I have been advised of secondary PTSD and how it affects partners and hence why I am seeking help.
She is not seeking help for her condition and although I have tried and got a life coach to see her free of charge just because she saw the love I have for this angel to which I got a response of" doesn't seem for me, i appreciate the thought though".
I understand that the pain of what she goes through may have to become bigger than the pain of getting help but I guess this is only something that she can do. Regardless of the outcome of all this,i will always be here forever if she needs me and to answer your question yes I would embark on the journey with my new found knowledge of PTSD but I do need to know that she would be willing to help herself with me by her side.
Thankyou for responding.
Be blessed

 

[christian isola]

It might just be what it is. You are you and she is she and if she said she doesn't want c...

I get what your saying but I guess the yoyo of yes/no.... push /pull effect is what is confusing and heartbreaking.
I don't blame her issues,and I feel quite ignorant that I didn't know how to incumbus this earlier.
I guess i'll just give it to the universe but losing your best friend to become strangers with memories has left a whole in my chest.
Thanks for replying.

 

[steel]

Hey there Christian. Glad you are here and what you have said makes perfect sense. My situation is a little different than yours in the respect that my ex-partner ( I am the one who has PTSD) did things that kept me pretty highly triggered (having to do with trust and boundary issues between us, past transgressions, ect.)
In many new relationships and in the case of my relationship, things can be intense, many times in a good way... but if trust issues flare and I get triggered, I run. I can hurt and love that man with all I've got... but he'll never know it because I am protecting myself. An episode can last a couple of weeks and I can spend many days out on the tundra by myself totally dissociated.
I am not sure what the sticking point is between you and your partner but I know in my case it had to do with trust... every. damn. time. And this distrust has proven to be well-founded in the past.
I was saddled with a lot of things growing up which have prevented me from being able to openly communicate... or even feel like what I want or need are worthy of anybody's time or consideration. A deep sense of abandonment is probably my core hurt. If anyone is able to provoke those feelings, it is certainly my on-again off-again guy with his history of checking out on me and his penchant for ambiguity and open possibilities. And when those old emotions get provoked I spin out in a huge way.

I have to ask if your leaving and moving to a different state may have accelerated her episodes. And did you move away to give this time and space... or maybe rather to force her hand? I don't know what went on.... but it sounds like trust is an issue here.

 

[CHRISTIAN]

Hey there Christian. Glad you are here and what you have said makes perfect sense. My situation is a litt...

Steel i think from her past messages what happens is your right it may be trust issue but its like she has said whenever she feels loved she freezes up and becomes distant. She hates the fact that she hurts me by doing this and that she wishes that she would just let me love her etc.. I also agree that the move may have accelerated all of this but my only intention was to give her room(i have left 2 small boys in Sydney which was not an easy decision to make)for we had spoken forever to move up here.

 

[steel]

Time will tell Christian and I know that doesn't make it easier. I am so glad you are getting help and I hope that she will follow your example.

 

[Danielle Regan]

If she won't get help it will literally get work like I say I have completed ptsd and I'm telling you to stay out of a relationship with her and be friemds because it will get worse for you and we can be very selfish and not care for others feelings be careful with yourself you have to look after number 1 if she doesn't want help there nothing u can do stay safe friend remeber your just as important as she is xx

 

[Danielle Regan]

Just because she has ptsd doesn't mean he should put his life and dreams on hold she won't and doesn't want help if I was Christian I'd take a step right back because she obviously still confused or ashamed to do anything about it she won't get better till she gets help

 

[CHRISTIAN]

Just because she has ptsd doesn't mean he should put his life and dreams on hold she won't and d...

Thankyou friend