Other Breaking Up With Ptsd,so Confused.

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome to the Forum!
It is SO hard to try to have "normal" relationships when the pain of PTSD and all that goes with it gets in the way. I agree that unless she is willing to get help, she would always be one step away from leaving. The on and off stuff is SO INCREDIBLY hard, and I am sorry that you had to learn the hard way.

I hope that you will be able to move back to where to where your boys are. In my opinion, they need to be first in your life. Little boys need their daddies, and their mom needs to be able to count on you as their father. You have wisdom to share with them that only a father can do. I am sure you want them to grow up to be emotionally and mentally healthy, without abandonment issues.

Blessings to you, and PLEASE reach out for help with your disappointment and sorrow. You may need some counseling to help you through this rough spot. It is a STRONG man who can admit when he needs help.

Again...welcome!

 

[EveHarrington]

It's possible that moving away triggered abandonment issues and she decided to push you away.

I think it's important to realize that there's "space" and then there's "S-P-A-C-E".

You thought you were giving her what she wanted.

Actually she probably wanted some breathing room and ability to be independent while knowing you were still within reach when she needed you. (This scenario-----it's easy to get back together.)

Instead you gave her S-P-A-C-E by moving hours away. You can no longer be there when she needs you for support. (Skype/phone/text----not the same, you are still "gone".) This scenario------getting back together? What would be the point? You're already gone.

At this point I think it's safe to say the relationship is over and you should move on.

 

[CHRISTIAN]

It's possible that moving away triggered abandonment issues and she decided to push you away.

I...

Thanks Eve and yes you're probably right,actually I know deep down inside that you're right especially out of the blue today I get a message telling me to leave her the F alone after no contact with her, and yet now I'm the one seeking counselling. The space was agreed upon as we knew we would see each other every fortnight whilst she found whatever she was looking for,but yes its now about acceptance and moving on.No ill feelings just a shame that our communication was not open enough to understand what was going.(I'm not going to beat myself up anymore for not understanding PTSD.
tHANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE eVE.

 

[EveHarrington]

Please don't beat yourself up! This PTSD stuff isn't easy for anyone. :hug:

 

[Powder]

Giving an insecure person space is sometimes mis-perceived as a form of abandonment or pre-abandonment, or as a red flag that you cannot be really trusted. It depends on the person's past and emotional baggage. Within PTSD, the person has usually been severely harmed by someone, and has very good reason to be overly cautious. It's not just "mental illness."

Many articles I read say that often the PTSD sufferer sees the world more clearly than their therapist, and therein lies the problem. Reality sucks, bites, etc. That hinders trust or the ability to ride things out. There is almost instant warnings to run away at the first sign of a problem.

Hey, I'm PTSD. My husband of 18 years this Dec. will tell you, I treat the car the same as I did our relationship. One thing breaks, and I feel "unsafe with it" likes it's trying to "get me."

Uh, oh. The AC broke, time to part ways.

I appear to have commitment issues, when in fact, I'm just f-ing scared about everything all the time.

I tend to want to change jobs, in case they will get rid of me. Too scared to actually find out. Just wanna run.

Sounds like running is what feels right to her, rather than talking things through. Could be fear. Could be that talking through is not the option on the table due to lack of skills or feeling like it would work.

 

[CHRISTIAN]

Giving an insecure person space is sometimes mis-perceived as a form of abandonment or pre-abandonment, or...

Thankyou and much AROHA.... you are right she was thoroughly hurt through two relationships she had and her father which probably didn't give me chance in hell, that and that I didn't even know that she suffered from PTSD until she decided to end a relationship which came 2 hours after finding out my oldest friend of 39 years had passed, so potentially to lose 2 best friends in a space of 2 hours, well lets say it wasn't a joyous moment.
Your right in saying that she runs away rather than talk but in saying that its now the rejection of acting like I never existed in her life which really hurts. Regardless of relationship status cause lets be honest any hope I have is quickly diminishing due to her actions in all of this, I struggle to understand the concept of having a solid relationship where love and communication was the key, it was always the key and from one day to another... its gone,like it never existed. I know and understand that maybe by giving her space to which we had conversed it may have accelerated a trigger but........ BUT is the only answer I have at this very confusing time in my life right know. Hopefully seeing my psychologist and continue to be on forums like this can give be a better understanding.Responses would be most welcomed because I feel lost.

 

[Powder]

That's understandable. Sounds to me like you put so much in and it was sudden and unexpected a loss. I'm sorry for the loss of both your girlfriend and the death of your best friend at the same time.

How terrible. I wish that didn't happen. I hope you gain lots of support with the counselor and this forum, and your other friends.

 

[EveHarrington]

Giving an insecure person space is sometimes mis-perceived as a form of abandonment or pre-abandonment, or...

This is too funny. Yes I do treat relationships like "uh oh the AC broke and it's time to get a new car"

The ironic thing is that I can't throw away stuff. I keep it til it's deader than dead. You would laugh if you knew how much old school technology I hold on to. But relationships? Oh no, I breathed funny in front of you------sorry, gotta move on!