British Vet, Afghan

[Alex1991]

I posted in the other ptsd forum but i feel this one is more suitable.

I dont know where to start really. I first came under contact when I was 19. The first few times, like any 19 year old on their first tour I wanted to get the rounds down, adrenaline was flowing, Im not going to lie and say I didnt love that buzz. But no experience of contact was ever the same.

But that wore off quickly. I dont know what i should and shouldnt say, details etc.

I did things that i know where morally wrong, and kept my mouth shut when others were doing things. I also performed my duty as expected.

I knew it affected me within days, I was having reaccuring nightmares and became very irate. I was MEDEVACED from my unit leaving them with 3 months to go.

I then had a bad time back in the uk, relationships with friends and family broke down, went into lots of debt and hit a real low point. At this stage I was eligible to sign off and did so. I discharged the week my unit returned from afghan.

I always feel massive shame on this subject. I feel I abandoned my unit and left as a coward. But I couldnt face that life and those people, experiencing the things I did with them. Do I have a right to feel this way? I know people have done 3-4 tours with PTSD, yet all i accomplished was 5 months.

This is the first time I have expressed any of these feelings since the events themselves occured. I just dont know what to do.

 

[Zipperhead]

Evening Alex. Sit down and have a read.

 

[Jimmy1]

Good morning Alex. Never feel guilty mate, you did what you could. Imagine if you had of stayed and froze up at the wrong time?? You could have got yourself killed, or worse, got someone else killed and survived yourself, then you would be living with the guilt of that for the rest of your life.
You served your country in places where other people only talk about. Take a pat on the back instead of feeling bad.
You are welcome on here anyway. Sit down and have a read.

Cheers

Jimmy

 

[Ned]

Hello Alex. I agre with what Jimmy said. Don't be too hasty passing judgement on yourself. Different rules, mate. What you can do is have a read of other people's stories (there's a Brit contingent here), and have a conversation when you are ready.
If you haven't already, might consider getting in touch with Combat Stress, not guaranteeing it's a cure-all but see what they offer.

 

[Anglesachse]

Welcome to the fold Alex mucker.

Pull up a sand bag, and rest a while, you ain`t alone no more son. Like Ned said, there is an ever increasing Brit contingent on here (much to the disaprovement of our Aussie, Canuck and Yank friends LOL).

Seriously, we are a good family, and you`ll fit in. Read as and when you can, and post when you need to.

The Shame and the Guilt are normal with the beast, but you will learn to live with him and tame him. You ain`t alone on the road anymore.

 

[Alex1991]

Thanks guys its much appreciated

 

[tho9900]

Alex.... two people can go through the exact same situation sitting one meter apart from the other.. one gets PTSD the other is fine.. my cousin was on CH-34's flying as door gunner in vietnam for 9 months.. I did 4 deployments abt 3 months each nothing like what he saw... he is fine has a wonderful family.. I jerk myself awake at night with some face or smell in my mind..

Don't put yourself up against anyone else but yourself.. the guilt? we all have it to a lesser or greater degree...

this is a good place (lol all these brits and aussies here are rubbing off on me, I almost said "mate")

I would serve with any of these guys if it ever came down to it.. relax and just say what
s on your mind... we've all got our little dark place in our mind we don't talk about much.

 

[nomedic1]

Welcome Alex hope we can be of help

 

[Lee C]

Welcome mate, i take it you were INF cos you need a good scrub ! Before judging mate i was an OPA or FST commander (17 years of my 23 year career)as they changed it to so i have probably worked with you mob at some point.
Nice theres another BRIT onboard (y)