Undiagnosed Broke My Jaw In My Sleep. Hi!

[Jenbrookify]

A year and a half ago I had the worst night of my life.

In my sleep, I broke my upper jaw clean off of my skull, knocked 4 teeth out, and tore through my lip. I consequently went to the hospital where they did nothing and I sat and waited for 9 hours. I won't go into details right now.

I am normally a cheerful, positive person. I laugh a lot. I am strong willed. But since this has happened I've been dealing with bouts of what's at least similar to depression (I'm not a psychiatrist) and fear and panic attacks. Sometimes I try to ignore it and hope it goes away but it just makes me feel insane. When I feel the walls closing in I fight myself to stay normal. A lot of the times I succeed. My mom doesn't know how bad it is, my dad sort of knows, and I'm not sure how to bring it up. No one really knows, though I realized I might have ptsd a while ago. You can't really go out and say something without a diagnosis.

I keep living in this altered reality of fear.

It's been a year and a half and I'm still not ok. It's a stressful place.

So that's me. I'm glad this forum exists. I think it's time to start addressing problems instead of hiding from them.

 

[Samantha_38]

How in the world did you accomplish all that damage in your sleep?

I'm not a good person to be asking about diagnosis. I'm not sure your trauma would "count" for the current standards applied to being diagnosed with PTSD, but I'm unsure...I'm not a psychiatrist either. In any event it sounds traumatic to me, and I hope you find some help.

 

[Jenbrookify]

Thanks Samantha.

Yeah it's weird because most people are scared of violent things that happened to them from someone else. I woke up with a bashed in face. I don't know how. I don't know why. And it terrifies me. There is nothing I can really blame except for myself so for a long time that's what I did.

I've asked my parents for a psychiatrist but even if they say yes they never act on it and I really don't want to push it. It's hard enough to ask let alone to keep reminding them.

 

[Jamey]

Like Samantha_38 said, it sounds very traumatic to me as well... and the fear and anxiety are all bred from that trauma; being anxious and fearing that it will or could happen again. I can understand why you feel the way you do and from what I have seen here (this forum), you won't be judged and you're not alone. Get it out, let it be known how you feel. That'll be a good start (it is for me anyway). Thanks for sharing.

 

[Jenbrookify]

Thanks guys. It's hard finally getting this out. I guess it gets worse before it gets better though.

 

[Hashi]

Hi Jenbrookify.

If it's OK to ask, what's your situation? Are you in school, do you work?

I'm wondering if there's any way to access a counsellor that doesn't involve your parents. I know that school counsellors probably don't have the kind of experience that's needed in the long term for something like this, but it might be a start to talk to some kind of professional and get their advice.

Or to talk to a doctor or hospital - who did you see the day you woke up like this? Can you go back to them to talk about you concerns?

I'm a bit puzzled that your parents don't do anything about getting a psychiatrist. I'm wondering what their take is on what happened. Are you able to say a bit about that?

 

[Jenbrookify]

@Hashi I'm in high school, and I've talked to my mom about getting a psychiatrist and she found one but then didn't really go through with making appointments and we were going through some financial issues and it was kind of touchy for me so I didn't want to push it. I was talking with my mom about a month after it happened and describing some of the things I was going through and she got concerned and said it sounded like some form of PTSD but she didn't go ahead and do anything. I talk to my dad about it sometimes but he listens and leaves it at that. I don't blame them, and I don't feel quite so debilitated as I once was by it. My dad had severe depression for a long time and didn't realize it so he never went to therapy. After my parents' divorce he took time for himself and essentially got out of it on his own. I don't think either of them really consider therapy necessary. I have a good relationship with my parents, but I don't like asking for help.

The doctors who saw me the day it happened really didn't pay much attention to me, they were pretty much clueless as to what to do. My personal doctor did recommend we do a sleep study, and that is something I did ask for several times, but again, no dice.

 

[Samantha_38]

I don't want to make you think things you weren't maybe already thinking, and possibly worry you more. Is there any way you dissociated and forgot what actually happened? Like something traumatic occurred that caused your trauma, and because its too painful, you don't remember? It's not "uncommon"...in the sense of the site we're on. In general I don't know how common it is.

My major in college deals a lot with anatomy, and injuries, and I'm 2 months away from graduating and being certified, so its not like I have no knowledge of this stuff. I have to say that I can't think of any way, without an underlying condition making your bones brittle or something, that you would've been able to cause this much trauma to yourself in your sleep. The fact that your parents seem so reluctant to get you help worries me more that there's something "odd" going on. I tend to be paranoid from time to time...PTSD you know...so it may be nothing. If you aren't worried about it, then ignore me, just thought it might be something you hadn't thought of.

School would be a good place to start, going to a doctor would be another good idea. You don't need your parents permission for either of those things, you may need your insurance information though, but if its a doctor you've seen before, like you're regular doctor, they should have it all on file. If you have your insurance info. you can also make your own appointment with a psychiatrist too. They may not be able to prescribe you anything, depending on your age, without parents consent, but they should be able to at least talk to you. If its truly just is that your mom fails to remember to call, you could take that burden off of her and call yourself, and then just let her know.

Just some ideas. I hope you find help. I commend you on being able to talk about this, and look for help all on your own when you're so young. I was not able to even admit there was a problem at your age, and I'm just now finally getting myself help (10 years later), and I'm still scared and nervous about the whole situation.

 

[Jenbrookify]

@Samantha_38 that does kind of freak me out. I know the injuries are weird. I did write a trauma diary entry if you want to know the whole story. I have thought about that before, but I live in a good neighborhood and there was no one that wanted to harm me and we weren't robbed or anything. My parents definitely aren't hiding anything, they just think I'm fine. My face is healed, my teeth are healing, I just have a scar.

I don't know if I really want to go into therapy. It's one thing to decide to do something on my own and another to convince my parents I'm sick enough to need a psychiatrist.

Once I ask for therapy, it's as if I'm broken. I don't want to be broken.

What I really want is to find out how it happened. I asked my mom again about the sleep study but she pointed out that it's been a year and a half and I haven't had any more problems with getting hurt. Whatever happened probably was a one time thing and won't happen again, nor can it be studied. I just can't deal with the fact that I might never know what happened. I do think I hit my head at some point, and it has crossed my mind that maybe I was awake but I just lost consciousness. Or that I blocked the memory. I don't know. I have no clue how I got from sleeping to torn and broken face, and it's hard to think about that night.

Thanks for the support and info. I guess I can confront this because I have to deal with it all the time. When you're scared of sleeping you don't really have a choice but to face your fear. I am constantly dealing with different triggers and I think it's made me stronger. As a student with my sights set on top tier schools I don't have room to freak out. I know now that there is a problem, but I think that going to therapy will blow it out of proportion. I'm talking about this during a good day, when I've had almost no symptoms, so maybe I'm biased, but I just don't want to go do something that will make my issue worse by making me think it's worse than it actually is.

 

[Samantha_38]

I don't know if I really want to go into therapy. It's one thing to decide to do something on my own and another to convince my parents I'm sick enough to need a psychiatrist.

Once I ask for therapy, it's as if I'm broken. I don't want to be broken.

When you're scared of sleeping you don't really have a choice but to face your fear.

I just don't want to go do something that will make my issue worse by making me think it's worse than it actually is.

Alright...if you could sound ANYMORE like me, I'd think you were me! I've been doing the, do I go to therapy do I not go to therapy thing for 10 years. I know exactly what you mean by making it seem "real" then, and like you're broken. I can't speak as to how it works, because I've officially only attended two appointments so far. I'm not exactly knowledgeable about the whole therapy thing, but I understand EXACTLY what you are saying.

I think everyone on here is scared of sleeping. We relive everything too. You get the added "bonus" of having your trauma occur in your sleep, which I can't even imagine, but we all understand being afraid to sleep.

I don't think any good therapist would think your "problem" is worse than it is. From the 2 appointments I've had, he's only focused on the problems I already have...not invented new ones. I realize 2 appointments isn't a lot to go on. I still think therapy might help you. Or even just a sleep specialist (like neurologist, or something), someone who could maybe make sense of what might have happened. I'm sure it is hard not knowing.

 

[Jenbrookify]

@Samantha_38 I don't know what to do. I can try to talk with my mom again, I won't be able to do it on my own because I don't have a car or money to pay for appointments.

I don't think the psych would blow things out of proportion. Maybe just going is blowing things out of proportion. I don't know. If I want to convince my parents I have to want to go and I don't really want to go.

 

[Samantha_38]

If I want to convince my parents I have to want to go and I don't really want to go.

You are very right there. I can tell you that it isn't as bad as you're thinking. I can also say that at least for me, I've definitely had the it gets worse before it gets better problem. After two appointments, I'm going back for a third though. You can try to find someone you can email online. I know when I was looking for someone a google search would turn up people and if you clicked to open up their individual pages a lot of them had a way to email them. This would be free, and you could ask if they think you need to be seen, and how you could maybe do that.

I never tried emailing anyone I found that way because a different person basically fell from the sky when I was somewhat looking, and not sure if I was ready yet either. That person is the guy I'm seeing now, and I never for a million years thought I'd be saying that. I think it will happen when you're ready, and I completely understand not being sure if you are or aren't ready. This site is a good start to getting ready though, I wasn't looking at all until I became a member of this website.

Basically, when you are ready it will happen and you'll figure it out. Until then, do what you can and what feels right for you, and participate in this site if it seems to be helping. It's helped me a lot, and I haven't been a member that long.