Relationship Broken Heart.

[Chloekim]

I am so distraught. My ex is talking to someone else already. It hurts so badly. I thought it might be the ptsd, but she has already moved on. This is after she told me it wasnt me. That she was never in love with me, but just loved me. That she didnt know what would happen in a month or in three months. She is already talking to someone and if she is telling me this, it has probably already gone farther than talking . It hurts so much. I just have to pick up and move the f*ck on. She said she noticed that I was on the dating site that we met on and i was moving on. I told her my profile says friends only. But it doesnt matter because she isnt interested in a relationship with me. :-( So sad. Just trying to breath and take it one breath at a time.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

I'm sorry for your pain. The most annoying saying ever --> give it time. <hug>

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I'm so sorry you have to feel like this. I agree with @BewitchedBewildered that the healing will take time. But it will get better. It really will.

Until then, try to distract yourself. Don't get lost in grief. Take a long walk, talk to your friends, watch your favourite movies.. Whatever feels right.

The fact that your ex wasn't in love with you, doesn't say anything about you. You can't force love, but you also can't force a lack of it. Just because she wasn't in love with you, doesn't mean that you aren't loveable. Please keep that in mind.

And you don't have to just "pick up and move on". In fact, that would be very unhealthy. Letting go of someone you love is very similar to grief over a loved one's death. The best thing you can do is to accept that the pain is there, but to not focus on it. Keep taking good care of yourself and keep talking about it. You will get through it.

I hope you will soon feel better.

 

[GrahamCracker]

@Chloekim I had a wonderful relationship with someone who did something similar to me...telling me she loved me while sleeping with someone else the whole time. She continued to lead me on thinking I had a chance after she'd already entered into a relationship with this other woman. Come on.

It's very hard to be so in love with someone and to have them hurt you so badly...brings up all sorts of nasty feelings: What was wrong with me? Why was I not enough? Did I do something wrong?

Honestly, what your ex told you is almost exactly what this particular ex told me. "she didnt know what would happen in a month or in three months." I don't know your ex, but I can tell you that this line is used A LOT by manipulators who want to keep you emotionally engaged when you are really just "back-up supply." It is a huge red flag.

My recommendation is to disengage from this person, give yourself space, recognize that you are a good, worthwhile person who is capable of caring for someone even if they are doing something painful to you and that this is not a bad trait. It means you are an emotionally honest person who can love someone when it's challenging. One day you'll meet someone you can direct that energy towards who wants you to be happy and they will appreciate this quality very much.

I hate to rehash what everyone else has said, but they are right that time is really the only thing that helps these feelings. Please just know that we hear you and your feelings are legitimate. let yourself grieve if you need to and don't let her comment about you being on the dating site get to you- you are the one who is reacting in an emotionally healthy way by grieving a relationship which clearly meant a lot to you.

Hope you start feeling better soon!

 

[Chloekim]

Thank you all. It feels so good to have someone discuss this with me without getting mad. Nothing like being broken up with over the phone and being kept in the wings till she finds someone else. Im guessing this isnt the ptsd. Its her being her. I am wondering how long she usually is in relationships. I bet this is a pattern. She also said she wouldnt tell me anything about the woman she is talking to. Im spending too much time on this. thank you for all of your kind words.

 

[Seaotter]

My sufferer and I had a really great relationship. Love is his trigger (who knew) and when I said I love you, he shut down and went numb. I saw him physically do it. From then on it was "I don't feel the same way as I did" but we are caught up in the push/pull dance for 6 months and two weeks ago he blocked me on FB because he asked for space and I ignored him. I miss him but I'm not going to sit around and wait for him anymore, make excuses...if he wants me he can fight for me. I'm tired of justifying/excusing behavior - my self-esteem is shot and I want me back. (I want him back too - but I have to do this.) Sorry, you're going through this - you're not alone. Giant hugs!!!

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

@Seaotter, that's very familiar. And it's so hard to do that. To recognize and accept that we, as supporters (ex in my case), are only human. We can love them the best we can, but it's so hard. The push/ pull tears at your self-esteem.

Love was a trigger for my ex as well. It's hard, even when you know what's going on. It builds inside, after 2.5 years, I needed reassurance. I needed to know I mattered, that he was still in it with me. And I made the same mistake during one of his isolations. Mine didn't fight for me. I hope yours does!

 

[Seaotter]

@BewitchedBewildered thank you for your kind words. It's very hard. When I ignored him, like he asked, he was the angriest I've ever seen him - abandonment issues? Then when things went back to "normal" a couple days later he blocked me. Days later (I see him at our mutual sport) and he comes up to talk to me. Two days later he's ignoring me... I'm tired. I miss him. He has to find his way. I feel so silly waiting for someone who cannot be in a relationship. For now, it will have to be cordial, not cold, but not warm. It would be easier if I could be angry at him, but I see him for who he is - scared. My head lives in second-guesses. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you - is there any hope of a reconciliation?

 

[KaidaM]

I am going through something similar at the moment. Had been dating a man with PTSD for a few months and he ended it saying he needed time to figure things out and is already back on a dating site. I won't rehash the details here but if you want you can read the thread I started regarding the situation. It is posted in the Supporter Relationships section titled "Can anyone comment please." The comments and advice I have received thus far have been great. I have already gained better perspective.

It is a sad thing for anyone having to deal with a break up no matter what caused it to happen. Hang in there, from past experience I can say that the hurt does fade and you will be ok.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

@Seaotter- I was dumped by avoidance. No break-up. He isolated and stayed away. It's been 9 months now. I did try to fight for him. It went from a really good place to gone. Although I guess I understand the PTSD elements, it still broke my heart and my trust in him. I don't see any chance for a reconciliation. I still love him though.

 

[Shatteredpan]

That's rough, I'm sorry... I hope things improve for you... *hugs*