Relationship Broken Trust As A Result Of Ptsd?

[complexmind]

Have you all dealt with broken trust from 'questionable' relationships the sufferer has had as a result of the PTSD? What's appropriate to ask of the sufferer afterwards?

 

[BigBear]

Did they break trust with you? Did someone else break trust with them?

 

[Kintsugi]

Yes, CM, I'm not sure what you're asking. Whose trust is broken? Are you saying that your bride was in an inappropriate relationship while with you, or that she was in a past relationship that broke her trust for others?

I think that both are common, though the latter is more acceptable than the former and I think a little easier to deal with in terms of understanding what's going on. Best of luck as always.

 

[complexmind]

No. My wife has had a relationship with another Guy.

 

[TLight]

Oh. While she was with you? I'd say that's a deal breaker, PTSD or not. No excuses

 

[BrazenBull]

Personally, relationships with other people didn't cause it, but they did make the world seem alot more scary then I took it to be. Making everything worse, but by relationships I mean trying to be close to family, and trying to make friends that tore my heart out and stepped all over me.

 

[BigBear]

So, say it was before you were married. I tend toward waiting till she is ready to talk. She should also feel that you will be there solely to listen unless asked to do otherwise. We know that anything that effects her effects you. But it's probably going to effect her much more severely than you, so her needs must take priority. [Have I dealt with the effects? SSDD!]

However your tone drives me to think the other way that the relationship was during your marriage. This I didn't get to talk about with my first wife because I didn't understand until she was gone! If a sufferer is married and has an affair, they are fully responsible for your loss of trust. Unless you are codependent, they bear the full responsibility for regaining your trust. Suppose that you had an affair of your own... Then you are totally responsible for their loss of trust and for regaining it. The fact that they cheated first has no bearing on the issue. I don't think it maters how they cheated in most senses. The important thing is how are they going to regain your trust. Once your trust is regained, it might be helpful to investigate some of the conditions, but because your trust has been reestablished, I'd pursue it as if it happened before the marriage (see above). What ever triggered the colapse may need real attention in the future.

Bear

 

[Kintsugi]

I do not believe in being unfaithful to your partner in any capacity. I'm pretty old-fashioned, though. I believe that men have responsibilities to love and to cherish their wives and that wives should honor and exalt their husbands. Part of honoring my fiance is making sure that he is comfortable with my relationships with other men. I cannot have it any other way. He has honored me in the past by refraining from certain activities I find... lewd.

But my opinion of marriage does not necessarily match with others. For example, my mother once told me that at this point, her love for my father is unconditional: she would not even leave him if he had an affair. I was always horrified by this statement. My love for my partner is unconditional, but my commitment to my partner has one condition, and his commitment to me has the same--no cheating. Cheating does not belong in committed relationships. To me, this is intrinsic in marriage. To others, it is not.

 

[OKRADLAK]

PTSD is not a license to do as you please.