When we were young and under the same roof, my brother began regularly attacking me when he was about 13 and I was around 10, as in lying in wait and then jumping out from behind a door and grabbing me. I was never raped or penetrated with anything or had my clothes torn off, but he did everything else, including leaving painful bruises on my sides and stomach, arms, breasts, thighs, and pubic bone area. He is now nearly 56 and is homeless, walking the streets of a large city mumbling to invisible friends and enemies. My heart goes out to him and I do love him. But he can never come home. He cannot live with or visit me. If he ever wanted to I would say no and if he insisted by repeatedly showing up I would put a restraining order on him and keep a loaded weapon at my door (I am trained in its use). When my kids were young, we even had an escape plan that we practiced if my brother ever showed up on my doorstep. We put it into action twice. Both times nothing happened but we still continued to practice it. Fortunately he never showed up again. I don't think he is a registered sex offender at this time but he lives in another state so I am not sure. Back in the old days, he would not have been charged with anything anyway regarding his assaults on me, even if I had the bruises to prove it.
So how do I live with this? I am not one to believe in "evil" as in "devil evil". I tend to see the acts of a mentally disturbed individual as being mentally disturbed acts. With this thinking I can logically make wise decisions. My brother is mentally disturbed (classic schizophrenia). He was also physically beaten and nearly starved to death as a child by our schizophrenic mother. That did not make him schizophrenic or evil (though it probably added ptsd to his current status). Schizophrenia is a genetic disorder, not symptomatic of evil or the result of abuse. That said, someone with such mental disorders should never be trusted, ever. Not even on medication.
On the other hand, my younger half-brother is a registered sex offender because he tickled a 17 year old in an inappropriate spot (I saw her sitting on his lap but left the room before the tickling episode happened). The 17 year old happened to be the younger sister of his wife (they were having marital problems before this happened). They got divorced shortly after the tickling episode. After he got out of jail, he came by the house and asked if he could spend the night and maybe borrow $50. I said no to both requests, not because he could not be trusted like in my brother's case, but because I had an under-age girl in the house and it would have violated his parole. He left in a big huff. But, not my problem. What he did was against the law and I will not try to lessen the affects of the consequences. Yes I love him. But that doesn't mean I get emotional about it or make allowances.
To make a long story short, I think that dealing with these family secrets and the messiness of life is made simpler and clearer if I step away from the use of the word "evil" and use less emotionally loaded but far more descriptive terms for disorders and behaviors. It just makes it easier to deal with it and allows, I think, for wiser, more level headed decisions.
