Bruce Parry sexually, verbally, and emotionally abused me from the time I was 12-yrs-old (I thought I was 13 when it started, but he told me in a letter that I was twelve) until I was fifteen or sixteen. I don't really remember when it stopped, but once he moved out of our house the sexual abuse never happened again.
I think that he stopped coming into my room at night (before he moved out) once I put up small hook locks on the two doors into my room. He still could have easily gotten in, but I think that the locks made him more conscious of what he was doing, and he couldn't pretend that what he was doing to me was OK anymore.
I don't think he has ANY clue how much his actions during those years have affected my daily life since then.
I am scared ALL the time.
I am on antidepressants, anxiety, and sleeping meds that help keep my PTSD symptoms somewhat under control, but I still have panic attacks and often wake up terrified. It is very difficult for me to spend much time away from home, because that is the only place I feel even close to safe.
One day just passing time on the internet, I decided to make sure he still lived in Chicago, half a country away from me, and discovered he is on the board of a national organization for veterans.
It made me so angry I wanted to send an email to everyone on his board asking them if they knew they had a pedophile as a leader in their organization. I didn't do it because I didn't see how hurting him would make ME feel any better.
I think about writing to him to let him know the full impact he has had on my life, but I'm not sure if that would be helpful to me or not.
This is the 1st time I've publicly outed him and it terrifies me. My family knows a little, but not the full extent of what went on for the 3-4years he lived with us. Intellectually, I know it was not my fault; and that "forgetting," pretending it wasn't happening and that I was asleep during the abuse was the only way I could cope with it at the time. I just wish it didn't still affect me so deeply now, or have such a huge impact on all of my relationships since then. I don't really trust anyone fully, and just that one thing: TRUST or lack of it really, is what continues to hinder all of my interactions with people.
I'd like to say more, but I am freaking out too much right now to continue. I can't believe that I put his name down. I guess that's a big enough step for now.
I think that he stopped coming into my room at night (before he moved out) once I put up small hook locks on the two doors into my room. He still could have easily gotten in, but I think that the locks made him more conscious of what he was doing, and he couldn't pretend that what he was doing to me was OK anymore.
I don't think he has ANY clue how much his actions during those years have affected my daily life since then.
I am scared ALL the time.
I am on antidepressants, anxiety, and sleeping meds that help keep my PTSD symptoms somewhat under control, but I still have panic attacks and often wake up terrified. It is very difficult for me to spend much time away from home, because that is the only place I feel even close to safe.
One day just passing time on the internet, I decided to make sure he still lived in Chicago, half a country away from me, and discovered he is on the board of a national organization for veterans.
It made me so angry I wanted to send an email to everyone on his board asking them if they knew they had a pedophile as a leader in their organization. I didn't do it because I didn't see how hurting him would make ME feel any better.
I think about writing to him to let him know the full impact he has had on my life, but I'm not sure if that would be helpful to me or not.
This is the 1st time I've publicly outed him and it terrifies me. My family knows a little, but not the full extent of what went on for the 3-4years he lived with us. Intellectually, I know it was not my fault; and that "forgetting," pretending it wasn't happening and that I was asleep during the abuse was the only way I could cope with it at the time. I just wish it didn't still affect me so deeply now, or have such a huge impact on all of my relationships since then. I don't really trust anyone fully, and just that one thing: TRUST or lack of it really, is what continues to hinder all of my interactions with people.
I'd like to say more, but I am freaking out too much right now to continue. I can't believe that I put his name down. I guess that's a big enough step for now.
