Bubblize-ing (a Definition)

[Nam]

I used this term in a different thread. Every once in a while, I realize that I'm very sheltered....and maybe that's why my PTSD is manageable. Maybe if I had a full time job, I'd have to see my T every week. Maybe if I didn't have such a caring hubby, I'd have higher anxiety. I'm unsure if this is a healthy way of thinking...probably not. But I also wonder why some people seem to recover faster...and how others seem to lag behind.

A couple weeks ago, I went to a museum. It was a small one that had some paintings in it that I wanted to see. I thought I'd spend the whole afternoon there...so hubs dropped me off and went to a movie with the kids. I was grateful that I could just look at paintings without the distractions and worries of having the kids along. After seeing a few paintings, I realized that I was stuck. No way was I going to be able to stay there for a couple of hours. Within a few minutes, I had looked up a bus route to a bigger museum just a short mile away. Then I stopped. WTH was I doing? I'm gonna get on a bus with strangers? Not knowing what I was doing?

I swallowed that fear and went. Waited in a smoked in sheltered bus stop for the correct bus. I was so nervous. There was another bus stop kiddy corner, maybe that was my bus line? Finally, I asked the guy that was smoking (against the law) in the shelter. He said, "Yah. Need correct change tho." After rummaging through every corner of my purse, I found $1.75 in quarters. The bus finally came, the went in looking for the place to put my money. I found it and I asked the bus driver if it was the way to the museum. He said, "It'll be 2 hours." WHa? Finally, after asking a few more questions, I found that he meant that my pass was good for two hours. I felt my cheeks burn. Yeah, I had no clue what I was doing. And that sucks.

I sat there at my seat wondering how different my life would be if I had hardships like these people. They were getting to work. Trying to find work along a bus route in snow. Or going to the grocery store and carrying everything around. There was no way I could survive it with PTSD. No way. A nice lady with no teeth told me when to pull the string. She also told me to go to the back door.

Yep, I took a bus for 20ish blocks. That was outside my bubble. And I was proud of myself. So, am I healed or just bubbled? I guess it's time to start poking holes in it to see if I can stand. Just a little at a time, so I can adjust.

 

[Friday]

My response to that now is the uplifting motion of my middle finger raised to their face and sometimes I feel quite good about that.

I love these small acts of defiance!!! :sneaky:

I've been flipping the VA off for about a year, now. Every time I drive by they get the middle finger out my sunroof. Truth is, they scare me silly (if silly is defined as full body flail in the parking lot that takes 3 Marines to sort). No lie, you'd probably have to shoot me outside of their ER to get me to willingly go through those doors, and I can't even guarantee that one. I can't even think about the VA without my chest tightening & breaking out in a sweat. So they're pretty damn easy to spike: think, gasp, stop thinking. Okay. There. That's one done for the day. But every time I drive by? Present arms :happy:Couldn't even think of them a year ago, until I started flipping them off. Sometimes anger is useful.

 

[shimmerz]

So then bubbliz-ing can be reversed! @Nam, yes, you started the term in that thread and someone else asked how to deal with it - so forgive me - I forgot to give you full credit. ;-)

I think this whole concept is why it is so damned difficult to get me 'out'. If I freak out nobody can send me to the hospital (my worst EVER fear. Helicopters are my touchy trigger not airplanes. That one broke when I saw the ex's helicopter smashed to smithereens. lol. Yep, I laughed - very out loud. Nobody was hurt but I am certain he was drinking when he trashed it. I used to hear them long before anyone else and could tell the diff between that and a plane no problem. Now I don't. I think it was because I laughed and that broke the fear. I call that an overlay. Another emotion over the fear.

On that note, I noticed that some people mentioned getting to another emotion. @FridayJones mentioned defiance at VA and boredom at movie. @Solara mentioned engaging her brain in a class kept her out of fear (that may not be the way she intended it but that is the way I read it). I mentioned laughing and that broke a severe 6 year crazy reactionary trigger. @haltija mentioned the love of her spouse and @carmenstarlet mentioned an attachment to friends that would help her. I wonder if it is that simple?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I wonder if it is that simple?

Sounds simple, but I think it's still hard work.

 

[The Albatross]

I'm with Friday's comments and yeah it takes work. I also used goal setting (SMART goals) and found them helpful. Focusing more on accomplishing the goal than what I was thinking or feeling was assistive.

Smart Goals and an article:
S. = Specific
M. = Measurable
A. = Attainable
R. = Realistic and
T. = Time Based
http://www.smart-goals-guide.com/smart-goal-setting.html

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I do the stuff I am afraid of sometimes with friends because it's less scary and I can ignore the stressors better.
Last time I went to the movies (I have to admit that has been over a year ago), I went with a friend and we had crappy seats in the middle of everybody.

We went to the side aisle and I asked some people there if they wanted to switch seats. First they said no with a face like "what the f*ck, get out of here". But I said I have a panic disorder and I would like to see this movie, but I feel uncomfortable in the middle of all those people...

So they actually moved. But I don't know if that works all the time :p

Other than that, well, it's just a matter of broadening your bubble, in my opinion. There's a little reactionary voice inside our heads as PTSD -sufferers that says "I can't handle such and so". But the voice isn't always right. Sometimes you have to talk back to it and take control and tell it "yes I can". You'll feel for yourself whether you can really take on something or not.

 

[JustBe]

I have found that if a family member needs me I can do many things that I would never do for myself on my own. I think its the fact that I have a purpose, that I'm helping someone do something that they can't do on their own. It's like when my kids were little; every interaction, every social situation was painful but I did it because I had to, because they needed me.

Obviously there are many things that I still can't do but I find that my tolerance is greatly increased by doing _for_ other people.

 

[ghotiff]

Interesting thread. I'm struggling to learn what is "good" and what is "bad" bubbilizing.

For example, I've just been on holidays from work and due to some random events was "stuck" at home with my kids. So this was definitely a bubble, and it was great and I felt better than I have in ages.

Then circumstances changed so I went out do do errands at the shopping centre. I noticed my anxiety rising etc.

Before these holidays I did errands basically daily, and didn't notice my anxiety spiking during/from errands... But my general day to day anxiety was much higher.

So my question is...I can do errands, but should I try to minimize them? Or is this avoidance and bubble-izing? I don't know...

 

[haltija]

So my question is...I can do errands, but should I try to minimize them? Or is this avoidance and bubble-izing? I don't know...

I struggled with this for a while too. I eventually started looking into minimalism, particularly The Minimalists and Zen Habits. Controlling my outside environment by removing clutter has helped quite a bit. To me, I'd rather be in control of what I have rather than it eventually control me and give me more to do than what I can already handle. I have three kids and have to work and keep up with household stuff, so it has to happen.

In other words, I wouldn't say avoid anything but control it. Eliminate what isn't necessary and focus on what you need to, but it's helpful to stretch an inch beyond your comfort level to surprise yourself and build confidence.