Thank you for your responses.
I think I have ADHD (this one I was diagnosed once with before) and this could be making it hard to use several grounding techniques in my experience. It "resets" whatever I try to concentrate on with intrusive thoughts or external stimuli. The only one that works is forgiving, it's not exactly grounding but it allows me to have control over my emotions so that I don't stay hyper aroused.
I meant indirect bullying as in passive aggressive bullying. They would make derogatory comments in my earshot, but making sure to say it was a friend instead of me, to goad me into anger or something, not that I would, or they displayed hostile humiliating gestures, in forms of laughing and commenting.
I think they're too scared of me to confront me directly and harass me that way, for now.
I could ignore it, but the day this happened I didn't have sleep for 2 days and was on a depressant stimulant (energy drink) so I experienced the worst panic attack in my life. :( I can normally control myself but I noticed if I don't sleep, I can only control about 50%.
This was my first time going without sleep for two days and this happened to be the day I got bullied, and I lost control of my brain and the brainstem because it'd go under some electrical shock sensation where it shook from the inside to the outside, causing my neck to "give" in so I had rest it on my shoulder and I was too scared to lift it up. It was really scary, and being scared didn't help the panic attack. I was dissociating every few minutes too.
What my emotions wanted to do was break down right then and there and I didn't want that because I'm guessing the bullying would get worse. I don't think I would've gotten so much attention that led to this point if I didn't have symptoms describing PTSD to begin with.
I was able to keep it together enough for the remainder of the hour, but losing control of myself to that extent was really crushing.
It's hard to try to calm down my hyper aroused in general, but now that I have bullying going on, this made me worried to what kinds of effect it might have on me.
Logically I don't care about the bullies or their methods of bullying, but I know my symptoms describing PTSD does. It seems to send me off to some psychotic break, dissociation I think. I wasn't aware I had symptoms describing PTSD for years, as it was getting visibly worse, until a few months ago. Also, the bullies seem unhinged, and it's alarming because they aren't behaving like normal people (one would laugh so crazily loud that I can hear through my ipod, the other would laugh in a hostile manner, as if it's nothing to be ashamed of).
I'm avoiding services rendered by this school because it's a small one and it seems like they don't respect the privacy of the students. When I had complaint about some of my classes (I was too advanced for them and I wanted to see if I could get refunds) and sent an email to my advisor, seeking advice, she forwarded to higher ups without my permission, and then all my teachers seemed to be aware of it, judging by their change in demeanor. I was earnest and expressed some vulnerable information in it too, so that was messed up.
I understand things of this nature is complicated so I was just looking for some ideas other than the one I have now, which is to be generally happy and mind my business, working on my hyper arousal. I wish I could do more for my symptoms describing PTSD by avoiding the class/situations but alas. :/
As for grounding skills and CBT skills, I'm guessing it's mindfulness technique, meditation, and CBT is basically doing a narrative play by play in my head with thoughts and directing my thoughts, unless I'm wrong and there's more to these?
