C-PTSD: A Diagnosis That Finally Fits

[penelopetree]

Hello,

I'm new here. After 9 years of unsuccessful bipolar nos treatment, my current psychiatrist agreed after I brought in some articles defining c-ptsd and a print out from Wikipedia. I've been living with this for over one year. I am 50 years old. My abuse was largely sustained in childhood; like some here, I was revictimized repeatedly as a young adult.

The articles here are fantastic. The site looks so promising. Thank you.

 

[emmat]

Welcome to the site! I'm fairly new here (diagnosed with C-PTSD after years of being looked at for depression and other anxiety issues). Everyones been really kind and supportive :-)

I wish you all the best on your journey.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Welcome! I had that horrid bp diagnosis for five+ years and was all too happy to get rid of it!

 

[penelopetree]

Thank you both for the welcome! I was happy to shed the BP diagnosis and it's attendant medications, however, the initial relief of recognition, a sense of futility has taken it's place. I'm not sure what recovery, remission, or any other life goal really is now.

Years have passed. Stress related health issues have risen. I've gained some wisdom, perspective, and psychological health, but a sense of connection and a view of a larger picture illude me. Anger at being cheated, grief over what has been lost; these are overwhelming.

I can feel more cheerful. Bottom line, right now, life is tough. Not outside anymore, but inside.

Thanks for listening,

Penelope

 

[Lauren]

Welcome Penelopetree. I am fairly new here too. I was diagnosed wit PTSD 8 years ago. I didn't think much about it, never studied what it meant. I went thru CBT and it helped. I have been in therapy again now for 9 months. My new T diagnosed me with PTSD as well (I initially went in for depression.) I came to this site and started researching. I didn't want to believe it at first. This week I accepted the diagnosis and like you, at first felt relieved. It validated my feelings, behavior and actions. At least ther eis a legitimate reason for them. Then came the feeling of hopelessness and disallusionment. How am I to overcome this. I am allowing the feelings for the first time, am having flashbacks and incredible anxiety.

As you read further, I find that there is hope. That we can be healed and learn to manage this rotten, undeserved condition. I am finding a lot of encouragement here from the other members and useful information from the articles.

Good luck to you in your journey!

 

[WhiteFlag]

Welcome Penelopetree!
Please don't feel too discouraged. It is a shame that your psych is unfamiliar with treatment for this group of disorders (e.g. PTSD, C-PTSD) which I personally think exist along a continuum...however if you work with this T well, there is no reason he or she won't be able to find and analyse the best evidence for what may help. Please don't lose hope! Trauma is a 'hot topic' area as there is SO MUCH new information coming in about good treatments. If you get a chance, have a look at more than Wikipedia- it sounds like you have some pretty good skills on the old comp and Google Scholar has some really good articles about what works (if you don't like all the jargon, try just reading the results section of the abstracts)- reason being that a combination of therapies which works for you may not work for another... In other words, the more you find out about the options the better! There IS healing from Trauma and you will find SO many examples of it right here. I am fairly new here too and greatly value what the others share already. Some of the healing is painful...but some is wondrous. Like when you start being able to reduce your own anxieties and start 'smelling the roses' ; these sweet things in life many of us never knew before and others rediscover during healing but either way they are especially sweet because they are so new.

Best of Luck on Your Journey,
WF

 

[James B.]

Congrats on getting an accurate diagnosis, and I really like the way you went about it.

 

[penelopetree]

Hi! Thank you all for the encouragement and ideas. Today is a bit better. Very odd getting to know one's self at my age. I realize by your individual posts you know in your own ways what that means. An enormous task, fraught with anxiety elicited, in part, by revisiting deeply embedded pain. In part, anxiety comes from reawakening to a large, chaotic world without guarantee. I feel vulnerable. Is that what it's like to be alive? Vulnerable?

Then again, I have moments, hours, even a day of being alright. Happy. Just being alright. I love color. I love listening to birds sing. Sunlight on geraniums, the side of a house, a water glass. Realizing that my parents are gone, and I really don't have to go back to that house again. That no one can tell me what to believe or how to behave any longer.

I haven't had the time to explore the forum yet. I look forward to getting to know everyone.

Peace,

Penelope

 

[BloomInWinter]

Penelope,

I am in the same place you were when you began this thread - your post gives me hope.

I feel validated, but am now trying to cope with the reality of what this diagnosis means. Its comforting to have answers, and frightening to realize just how much of every minute of every day of my adult life has been spent dealing with this injury.

Right now, it feels so lonely and shameful to me. I feel like I made wrong decisions somewhere that led me to this dark place.

I too have been researching, reading, and reading yet more. I don't have the courage to bring in any info to my T. Good for you!

 

[guenhwyvar]

Welcome Penelope, I'm new here too. I can identify with the lack of connection and sense of futility of which you spoke. They seem to consume my life these days, when I'm not working. The feeling that I have at work gives me hope that things can be better, and I'm glad you also spoke of having times when you are happy. Here's to a better future and sense of connection!

Guenhwyvar

 

[penelopetree]

winter bloom

What a beautiful screen name. Thanks for writing and sharing. I'm sorry that you feel the diagnosis fits. You must have felt pretty bad and had it rough. Life isn't fair.

I felt such relief after I told my pdoc/therapist. He repealed the BP diagnosis. I asked him why he no longer wanted to try mood stabilizers. Because I don't believe you're bi polar he said. So I had and have quite a degree of trust in him.

After he read all the papers, he agreed. He still does. Sometimes I try to argue that I have borderline personality disorder and he disagrees, sticking with c-ptsd.

My sense of self really never formed correctly, so someone else could diagnosis me as BPD (except for self-injury--I never did). I was very afraid of that, but not anymore. I don't see it as important as I once did.

I wish you so much goodness on your way. Whatever happened to you, however you may have reacted, it wasn't your fault. None of it. It happened, but in no way did you deserve it. Does that make sense?

Tell someone you trust if you haven't already--that's my subjective advice.

Peace and flowers

Penelope

 

[Nishkaa]

Hi Penelope,

I've been dx'd with ptsd and c-ptsd, had one "depression with a acute psychosis" (hospitalized, but the threat was real!). :)

I got the dx's but I still wasn't able to get proper treatment (my health care doesn't cover trauma therapists, etc.). I wasn't taught how to cope with my symptoms, and so they continued to get worse, and even a longer trail of trauma/under-protecting/re-traumatization, etc., since. But I like you now, have found external safety, and still working on the internal and still working on correcting thinking habits that could still put me at risk. I don't like being vulnerable either, it's really frightening, it's scary to feel that way (and worse if it happens and I'm out in public, being triggered or something). It's not too bad though. It's been worse.

I guess I feel for you because there you got a misdiagnosis, which likely meant also that you weren't getting the right treatment for what you were going through. Things have gotten better for me, the past year or so with a social worker I see once/month, sometimes twice/week-- it's the best I can get, but it's a lot better, because she has at least taught me some new basics re: managing flashbacks, helping me recognize when they are happening to me-- it's a big help. I still have a very long ways to go towards building more stabilization in my life and in getting better at managing my symptoms, but at least I think I found the right track.

The other thing, that's sad about a misdiagnosis, is that they're not really hearing your pain, the things that have been walled up, and then over-medicated even. . .

But here we are, and I'm glad you found this place, as I'm really glad I've found it too.

Wishing good things on this newer journey.
Peace,
~N