Relationship Can Anyone Comment Please?

[KaidaM]

Hi, I am new to these forums and thus far am finding the information and comments here very helpful.

I have been dating a man for a few months who has PTSD as the result of a major accident on a highway. He has accessed a ton of help provided for him and has come a long way. He broke up with me recently saying he needed time to think and figure things out. He has been under a lot of stress recently with many factors coming into play so I was not shocked that he asked me for time and space.

We had met on a dating site, decided to be exclusive and we both removed our profiles. However, I checked today out of curiosity to see if he was back on the dating site and he is. I have met a few men online that immediately reposted their profiles so was wondering if he was doing the same thing. His profile now says he is not looking for anything serious and is just wanting to meet interesting people. Before, his profile said he was looking for a serious long term relationship. We have a ton in common and he always told me he was so happy he found me, we got along extremely well.

While I understand that relationships sometimes can become scary and cause anxiety for those with PTSD I am wondering what may be going on with him. If anyone can provide some comments or advice I would be grateful.

Thank you.

 

[arfie]

PTSD is far from the only cause of relationship anxiety. He is the best one to ask and it doesn't sound like he is talking. I would let it go and move on.

sorry for your disappointment.

 

[nursenurse]

I would second that motion. Don't over read. Actions speak louder than words. You may have helped him define what he needs in a relationship. And serious isn't it.

 

[Tswevnz]

Hi
Welcome to the forum.
Firstly sorry to hear about your breakup , never easy to lose someone. As for advice .... Well it's hard to say the right thing as we don't know you or your ex partner personally. However ... Judging by his actions it seems to me he perhaps wants something less serious ? Facing death kinda does that to you - it changes your perspective of life- it could also just be that you weren't the right person for him .
Or the right person for him "right now" .

I think you are better off not reading to much into his actions , they are not a reflection of you or what you had together . He has by the sounds of things been through a crazy time ..., and it takes time to get our head screwed back on in the right way after things like that.
Meanwhile - weather his choices are based on / and or is a reflection of PTSD .... Or if he simply wants to be single and just have fun " no strings attached " by dating new people .... Who knows. Personally (unless I already where in a deep commited relationship ) I would struggle to give that much of myself after a massive trauma, since most of the energy goes to healing.
Chin up - stay strong - if it's ment to be it will :) all the best !

 

[KaidaM]

Thank you for the comments thus far. What I would like to add here is that he still deals with nightmares, sleeplessness despite taking a sleeping aid and feels tremendous stress if there are a lot of things to deal with. The last time I saw him I stayed over at his place for the first time. It was a turning point in our relationship. We ended up not having sex as he backed down from that but cuddled and made out instead. Initially he wanted to have sex. We both said we were falling for each other. The next day I sensed something was wrong and I think that was when he realized this relationship was not what he wanted. I was attributing all of this to the PTSD but perhaps my assumption was wrong.

 

[Justmehere]

Breakups always hurt - and it would be hard for me to go through this. I would be wondering about the change in what he says he is looking for too.

It's hard to be in a serious relationship with someone when also battling any major mental health problem, PTSD included. PTSD can make relationships scary. If I other things stress him out, then serious relationships might as well. And he may not be into you. It's hard to say.

To say he may not be into you - that's not because you have done anything wrong. He could be a real sleezeball who is looking for a certain type of woman who doesn't have the thoughtfulness you have. Or he could be a decent guy who realized he can't handle a serious relationship right now, and had the respect to break it off with you before sex was involved, out of respect that you were looking for something long term.

I once dated a guy who didn't have PTSD and said he loved me and then backed away pretty quickly too. A lot of things in life can lead someone to do that.

In his case, it could be the PTSD, and could be many factors that are not related to PTSD at all.

Break ups are miserable either way. I'm sorry this happened.

 

[Tswevnz]

I think what makes relationships so hard .... Are the expectations....so when you barely function on your own - it's extremely hard to live up to someone else's.