Can Anyone Tell Me They Have Learned To Trust Again?

[just me here]

I don't trust anyone.

In a college psych class I heard an anecdote about a man that thought he was free of prejudice. He was a member of many charitable organizations, he volunteered, he raised funds for the less fortunate members of our society. He was sure he had no prejudices in him until one day he realised that he hated rich people for being rich.

I would have said I was as unable to trust any group of people as much as any other, no real lines of division, no real "prejudices" for any group over any other. Just general mistrust of everyone in general.

No more. I have come to see that I distrust religious people more than any other group, and of that group I distrust religious women most of all.

A religious woman was the first person in my life to teach me the meaning of bald faced unremorseful dishonesty and I have built on that early experience a large library of stories of mistrust, with the religious entries all underlined and the ones involving religious women highlighted.

Please dont bother to defend religion or women. There are wonderful religious people in the world, many of them are women. But I am admittedly prejudiced against them and trying to trust them isn't within easy reach. I already want to be able to trust again, especially women and if possible all people deserving trust. Don't jump on the obvious point: I know it is wrong to put all religious people in the same category and I know that not all women are untrustworthy. Don't get caught on this point please.

I want to know if you have had as deep seated a distrust as the one I have shared here. Were you able to get past it? Can you say you have learned to trust again? I need hope if it is out there.

 

[Leah123]

Yes. :) Have hope.

 

[LostWorld]

For me no, I've been betrayed too many times so it's really tough

 

[therapybankrupt]

Cant give you a yes here. People have really let me down.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I believe you can.

I had the same prejudices. I disliked religious people. I didn't trust women. Yes, both were related to my trauma.

And then I met this guy and he was the son of a baptist minister. Not someone I'd ever think I'd become friends with, but we became so close. We had many conversations about trauma and resulting issues (he was a survivor, too) and he was able to show me that not all religious people are bad as he was religious but never forced his beliefs on me. And then he pointed out that I held the action of one against many (including God). I realized he was right, and over time my perception changed. (It was a lightbulb moment of sorts!)

Now the woman issue, well I'm still working on that. I don't have any close female friends. I'm starting to open up to female family members, but it is a struggle. I can open up to guys in a heartbeat, but never so with women. I fear the potential manipulation and backstabbing that was present in other female relationships as a child.

So yes, there is hope. I'm nowhere near being past these prejudices, but I'm moving in that direction. (I think it says a LOT that one of the people I can trust most is my female priest!)

 

[just me here]

I am married but I have to say that if I was single, a ministers daughter that tried to convince me I was wrong to distrust her (and her god) is so far off any imaginary radar screen of mine that it is laughable. That's not a trust I can begin to imagine, let alone aspire to, but thanks.

A female priest, possible, no relationship possibilities, no sexual tension, no contact away from the church. It could happen but I am a long way away.

I set my trust alarms to be so sensitive, and religious women get no benefit of any doubt. I judge harshly for small breeches of trust, those are the only warning you get before the big ones happen. When someone sets themselves up as being better than everyone else because of their religion I turn the alarms up to max sensitivity. They don't stand a chance. I don't get the opportunity to trust them because they can't possibly live up to either of our standards if that makes sense.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ok. I was just using myself as an example. I wasn't saying "do as I do" rather "letting go of prejudice is possible because I am doing it".

Trust is possible if you can take a leap of faith for 2.5 nanoseconds and be open to the mere possibility that others are trustworthy. If you can't take that split second leap of faith, I'm afraid there's not much hope of moving down the road toward greater trust at this time.

 

[Alienated]

Nobody can be trusted anywhere, If you give anybody a chance.... You will regret it. It's not prejudice, just fact.

 

[Grace M]

Possible. I don't know the percentage possibility. I think once you have experienced trauma from danger that arose from an unexpected place, you always reserve a bit of judgement just in case. I'm not sure if "trust" means complete comfort and ability to relax and give another person freedom, or if there are levels of trust. I'm inclined to think there are levels of trust.

When we're in the "lack of trust" and raw, untreated stage, we are more likely to automatically reject people and situations, especially ones that trigger our trauma. You sound like you have made some progress to identify where you are likely to automatically make an association that isn't based on current experience. It may sound basic, but it is progress. So, in your situation, I would guess you can continue down the road to trust where you have fewer automatic associations because you are able to question and evaluate if the current situation warrants some distrust.

As far as physically being relaxed, not having to process the information, etc, I guess how far down that road depends on how severely traumatized you have been, how helpful is the help you get.

In my opinion, if it gets better, that's good. I don't expect full recovery.

 

[cdg]

Trusting is tough. Trusting myself is pretty tough also.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Yes, I trust people. Not all people but I 'learned to trust again." It's possible. :)

 

[DMerish]

I certainly don't understand the concept of "trust" in the way that I used to, and probably never will again. I'm okay with that because what I learned was that "trust" as I knew it, was attached to an expectation that something will occur the way one wishes it to occur, or how one imagined something should be. Doing that just seems a bit foolish now. Living with expectations often bit me in the a**. So, trust? Nah, don't need it.

I have hope though. I like having hope (without expectation), because when my hopes become fulfilled I feel real happy.