Can Anyone Tell Me They Have Learned To Trust Again?

[nomedic1]

You can trust again its just a matter of believing in the fact that there are good people out there, and especially on here, so even though this sounds strange practice on us

 

[intothelight]

Learning to trust is tricky, but I think that everyone has to have their own definition of trust. Personally, I had to learn to trust myself and that was the starting point. I also learned to trust other people when I didn't lump them into some self-made category that was prejudiced by my own fear. Basically, I had to accept them on an individual basis.

There are also degrees of trust. There is nothing wrong with having various levels of trust as there are different levels of intimacy within relationships. An acquaintance is not someone I am going to trust with my deepest secrets, but I will trust them to meet me for lunch at the time and place established.

Being trustworthy is a reflection of someones character and only they have control as to how trustworthy they are. If they violate my trust then that speaks volumes about them and not me. In the end, they are the ones that lose and I won't allow myself to become distrustful based upon their actions. I can chose to terminate or modify the relationship I have with them, and I also chose not to allow their actions to limit or hurt my other relationships.

Just my .02.

 

[rightkindofme]

I trust my husband more than any one else. He has screwed up a few times but in general he has been ridiculously nice to me for nine years. I feel lucky.

 

[Ayasha]

I grew up not really knowing how to trust anyone but over the past few years, I have been working very hard to learn to trust. There will be times where someone breaks that trust and it makes you feel like you can't trust anyone ever. I learned it's much easier, and healthier, to try trusting people on an individual level. For example, I trust my therapist but that doesn't mean I trust ALL therapists.

I still have a long way to go when it comes to trusting others--but the hope is there that we can all learn to trust.

 

[therisa]

Sigh.

This is a loaded question, for me, given the things, which happened, when I came out of the closet, as a trans-lesbian, to my mom and the abuse that I suffered, at the hands of my younger brother. For I find myself, doubting my own ability to trust myself and others, given my disastrous relationships with other people and family members.

My mom told me, “Hell would have to freeze over, first, and I would have to, come crawling on my hands and knees, and begging for her forgiveness, before she would think about it”. The day after (July 2, 2006), I exposed myself, as a trans-lesbian, to her. Destroying whatever remained of our relationship, in a thirty second telephone conversation. And my brother, he used me, as his outlet for his anger, which placed my life, in jeopardy, several times.

Unlike many of the other posters, here, I find I have trouble trusting Born Again Christians, given how I was treated, after coming of the gender/sexual closest. Which they made me, feel like I was, the scrounge of Creation, because of my sexual orientation, as a lesbian, quoting verse after verse from both the New and Old Testament, condemning my sexuality and gender change.

And my inability to trust myself, speaks for itself, given my constant returning to those, who abused me, as a child, seeking their approval, when it was never there, for me. Am slowly, working on rebuilding my ability to trust, again, with my three beautiful cats, who accept, as I am. To which, I give them, thanks, every night, before I go to bed, to sleep, with a gentle kiss, upon their heads.

 

[rightkindofme]

Sigh.

This is a loaded question, for me, given the things, which happened, when I came out of the closet, as a trans-lesbian, to my mom and the abuse that I suffered, at the hands of my younger brother. For I find myself, doubting my own ability to trust myself and others, given my disastrous relationships with other people and family members.

My children have a legal godmother because both my husband and I do not want our children ever ending up in the environments we got out of. Their godmother is a trans-woman who is also a lesbian. Her wife is twenty years younger than her. Things could look bad from the outside. But I have known them for all of my adult life. I trust them like I trust no one else in the world. She is *absolutely* the person I would trust to raise my children if I died.

Not everyone has a problem with people who are trans or lesbians. Some of us think that it is pretty awesome for people to exist with a wide array of experiences in life.

But I'm an atheist.

Everyone deserves to be loved as they are. No if's, and's, or conditions. I'm very sorry you have not been treated how you should have been.

 

[therisa]

Not everyone has a problem with people who are trans or lesbians. Some of us think that it is pretty awesome for people to exist with a wide array of experiences in life.

Thank you, Rightkindofme. For reminding me, there are people, who value me, for my heart and soul and not what, I was born, between my legs. This means a lot to me. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Unlike many of the other posters, here, I find I have trouble trusting Born Again Christians, given how I was treated, after coming of the gender/sexual closest. Which they made me, feel like I was, the scrounge of Creation, because of my sexual orientation, as a lesbian, quoting verse after verse from both the New and Old Testament, condemning my sexuality and gender change.

I am SO sorry you've been treated this way! I think it's horrible that people twist the meaning of the bible to back up their reason to hate. (And I'm not saying the bible is perfect, because it isn't!) First and foremost, God is love. Anyone who uses God as a reason to hate is terribly misguided. It's taken me a LONG time to get to this point as I was sexually abused by someone of the church, so I know what it's like to mistrust anything and everything religious.

 

[just me here]

When we're in the "lack of trust" and raw, untreated stage, we are more likely to automatically reject people and situations, especially ones that trigger our trauma. You sound like you have made some progress to identify where you are likely to automatically make an association that isn't based on current experience.

Yes, well said. I wasn't consciously aware of my prejudices against religious women until my stepmother started in playing her judgemental game on me after 2 years of lack of contact and I suddenly started having problems with all of the women in my life, mostly problems with trust and communication styles. And I had extreme anger towards all religious people and especially women, all unfounded and based on things that happened long ago.

The step mother is such a bad representative of what so many people think is a good way of life, she drives more people away from religion than she knows. Her entire life is based on getting others to bend to her wishes out of fear of her disapproval, she only has influence on those that foolishly chase her approval. She is one scary person and living in her home just a few short years has had a negative effect on my entire life.

I have been coming to an understanding of how I have been effected by her for the past two years, after I reluctantly told her and my father I was done trying to get along with them and their beliefs. Now I see it as the best choice I ever made. Coming to see this strong prejudice in myself has been hard, but as said by Grace M above, I am on my way to cleaning up this mess now that I can see it for what it is.

 

[just me here]

I just have to say, a strong prejudice like the one I have may have an identifiable root and a clear path toward getting rid of it, but the hard fact to face is that my feelings have been reinforced by a lifetime of experiences and getting past it may be harder than most life changes, harder than losing weight, harder than dropping a bad habit.

I still don't think I can trust anyone, and trying to trust is dangerous in that a breech of an experimental synthesized trust could squash all hope I have of ever relearning to trust willingly.

We are the product of our experiences, and my experience with religious women has produced a strong prejudice against them. That's just the way it unfortunately is.

 

[Jagged Angel]

I believe that you can learn to trust again. I have not learned how yet, so I can't give any pointers, but I hold out hope. Unfortunately, many of us have been kicked far too many times to even contemplate trying to trust.

 

[tired of the fight]

just me here and Jagged Angel,


Learning to trust again has been difficult for me. It's awful that the trust is ripped away.