Can gossip ever be a good thing?

[Deleted member 46500]

I subscribe to some very unusual newsletters and in the latest one Is an article stating that gossip is a social skill. It is a very compelling argument. Just wondering what others thought about this.

 

[ILoveLife]

I read somewhere that the primordials of language were exchanging information about food and water, then gossiping about the community's members, then telling stories. Not sure how necessary it is nowadays, but thought it was insteresting.

 

[Mach123]

Of course, it can be fun. I lived in a very small town once and it was indeed an art form. Because I was not born in the town and so an outsider, it was more fun for me and easier. The local coffee shop was the hub, where you got the latest. I thought it was great, but I know about the darker side. : )

 

[Justmehere]

Ever heard someone say “she is so gossipy” as a compliment?

I haven’t.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

All the ways we interact with others can be considered a social skill, I feel. That doesn't mean all of our acquired "skills" are desirable ones, by any stretch of the imagination.

Every exchange we have, be it in thought or actually expressed outwardly, releases an energetic cord in the direction of our intent. The more other folks feed into it, the more speed it gains as it keeps growing along. The snowball effect can kick in at any given moment and then you end up with an avalanche. It's up to us if we wish to keep releasing certain cords and fueling all of those energies that will eventually come back to choke us out of our own perceived comfort zones.

I worked in a place of much manipulation and backstabbing and saw first hand how the gossip scene could easily devastate lives and create a highly toxic atmosphere to try to function in. It was in a direct care arena where you'd certainly hope for much more stability among the folks making decisions that will forever effect the lives of others, but it seems to be human nature, unfortunately. It was often disguised as simply being a way to get ahead in the workplace by the administrative staff, so eventually, at some point or another, everyone participated at some level in hopes of keeping their positions or advancing for more money.

I've long since learned, mostly through repeatedly feeling those feelings in the pit of my gut when I know I'm about to engage in a behavior that could potentially cause harm/discord to myself or another, that if I'm going to talk about someone when they aren't present, I try to make it something that raises the vibrations of the moment (and hopefully the spirits of whoever the "gossip" will get back to) rather than lowering them as I was so used to in my former life, be it in the workplace or the typical social scenes I used to frequent.

There's enough other hateful/unfortunate/tragic shit in life that gnaws at us and takes us down and out, sometimes slowly but very surely, and I don't ever again wish to be conducting the kind of energy who thrives on taking other beings of any kind down and out.

 

[Rugby02]

I use the gossipers in my immediate neighborhood to my bonus but that's because I don't give a good G-d d*mned about what they say about me. I'm a fully retired PTSD veteran who has become increasingly acerbic.

The other day I saw my absolute favorite neighbor drawing a Buddhism abundance prosperity sign on my car (backwards swastika) and I had to laugh because he was just too much of a dumb*ss to know the difference. I don't know why he did it but,....after sending his Jewish wife a text gently asking about it (no response) I then approached the pen ultimate gossiper in the 'hood to ask him for his opinion on what he would do with this hate crime if it were made against him. While I passively gave him information, I also assured him that while I was sure it was a probably one-time poor decision that I was upgrading my security system to ensure that all future movements are time/date stamped.

Immediately the biggest gossiper came across the street to confer with him. I turned and laughed at my accomplishment.

And now,...with great production, I put a freaking Cabela's hunting camera ($167 total) in my bushes so that no longer will I have dum*ss notes on my car, no Buddhist signs drawn on my dirty car,....and all the knuckleheads are on alert. They already know that if they block my cars or threaten me in my yard that I'll call the police in a heartbeat (been done) because I really do need to make it to the VA for anger management and that I don't need some stupid gun due to my military training and chemistry background, which of course, I told the same gossipers all of this information when I moved into the 'hood a few years back so that they knew what they were dealing with when they suddenly realized I wasn't part of their klan even if I sort of look like them (I floss my teeth though...) Yes, I refer to my dog's feces as land mines,...and it just adds to the gossipers realm which makes me chortle.

NOBODY comes onto my property and I now park my cars in my driveway rather than on the street because as much as I love Buddhist prosperity signs, I might be the only one who has clarity on it and I just don't feel like washing my car that much. And my former favorite neighbor? Well, they have many more years of living right next to me and I truly hope that they find peace on their life journeys. Bless their hearts.

Gossiping is all resource management on my part--at least in my 'hood.

 

[Justmehere]

When people gossip, talk negatively about others without them being involved, the message that is sent to others: I am willing to talk negatively behind your back too.

When people refuse to engage in negative gossip, the message that is sent to others is: I'm trustworthy.

Plus, it's backed by scientific studies. Gossipers are the least liked in social circles. The social circle might enjoy the high and the bonding of being in on the gossip... but the one who shares the gossip will be the least liked of the group.

 

[Rugby02]

@Justmehere, I agree with you somewhat on what you've said but with caveats. I didn't see the studies, but only a reference in the article to other studies. Could you provide an additional link to an actual study?

 

[Justmehere]

If you click on the links in the article above, it goes directly to each of studies they referenced.

 

[Mee]

When people gossip, talk negatively about others without them being involved, the message that is se...

I have adhered to this. but I am reconsidering after my trauma. Other people ‘knew’. There was something up with one of the people involved, and past transgressions were apparently ‘common knowledge’. Had I indulged in gossip I would have been safer.

Shrug. If law enforcement were actually Useful I would agree. But I now think gossip probably keeps people safe sometimes.

Some of the countries others like the social structures of, Scandinavian ones, have strong cultures of ‘what others think’ and social behaviour. Gossip avoidance and shame controling some bad behaviour.

 

[Ronin]

Had I indulged in gossip I would have been safer.

Would you?
Where I am standing, projecting with the past is not much useful.
There is no way knowing how your different stances would be used against you. Maybe in no way. Maybe in worse. Maybe you would be better off knowing as in feeling more prepared, and things still would not get better just because you knew. No way to tell.

 

[Mee]

Would you?
Where I am standing, projecting with the past is not much useful.
There is no way knowing how y...

. That’s of course right and wise.

But yes. Had I heard what others knew I certainly would have not been in a position to be vulnerable to one of the parties. The other; no.... nobody knew I think.

I read about the term ‘missing stairs’ recently and this made sense. I often think that my stance if not indulging in gossip has lead to me negotiating places with missing stairs with no one to warn me about the missing step. Consequently there are aspects of ptsd I feel are kind of logical results of repeated occurance of seeing missing stairs. Isolation for example.

I am not saying I enjoy gossip. But there are times I think it’s useful.

I will also say I think communication can be useful in other positive ways : Sharing concern about someone you are worried is in trouble, or lonely . Where does community or friends coming together to support end and gossip start? I am not sure I guess.