General Can I Ever Be Happy Again

[gretchensites]

Hello im new to this.

I have been with a guy for almost 3 years now. We had a baby very early in the relationship. The first 3 mounths of the relationship were great he was to nice infact seemed flawless and Mr right. The past 2 1/2 years I have wanted thought about tried and wrote about killing myself. I feel as if I have no way of being a normal happy 20 year old girl.

I cant remember the last 3 years of my life just pain from it. He has violent outbreaks some physical mostly mental. I'd rather feel a broke leg then the mental pain that I sally go through. I have been cheated on numerous times and he tells me that he did it because I'd piss him. I would be the one to say sorry.

He tells me certain things about myself that I shld fix and how the ones he cheats on are so much hotter. I consider myself attractive at one point now I dont.

I beg to him all the time and so sorry please everything you can think of. He doesn't care he gets even more mental with me like it makes him happy. He matches being a physcopath but why do I still want him back.

He kicked me and our daughter out again today, because I found him watching a porn and I cried about it. He will not talk to me and says very hurtful things I feel like the only way to stop hurting is to take my life but I know he wouldnt care. He is so good sometimes but one wrong word or move puts him into rage!

We have broke up befor for 3 months haveing no contact and one night I sent why? And he said sorry and we moved back in it was good again like at first. Its now been 5 months since then, and I am not able to see any good in anything anymore I feel ugly like I shouldnt be able to breath the same air. I am really done this time, but how can I deal with the pain? How can I be happy again and gain confidence back. I have no support system anymore. I have pushed everyone away for him. Please help me

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sorry you are in so much pain. You have been terribly abused and it is wrong. I think you need to get yourself into therapy and get help for what you have been through. Can you contact a womans shelter? I am very concerned for your emotional well being.

You can get through this and start to feel better but you have to stay away from him. He is really bad for you. It is domestic violence and you deserve good in your life. This man is sick and very abusive and is destroying you. You can start over and rebuild your life. It will take time and hard work. You will make it. You will be feeling pain until you grieve it out of you.

You will make new friends and have a new support system. I am confident that you can rebuild a much happier life. Keep in touch and keep us updated on your progress. We can be a source of support but we are very limited in what we can do. We can emotionally support you. Hang on there is a better life for you. Hugs.

 

[Loloma]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

Have you no family that you can go to for help? You deserve a better life than this as it is not healthy for you or your little girl. From the sound of it he will not improve, and you are the won that is suffering. As Gizmo suggested a womans shelter would be able to help and give you support.

Your self esteem has taken a beating, leaving you feeling worthless when in fact you're not. He is not worthy of being in your life. I am telling you as I have been in this situation a couple of times and it took me the first time many years to get out. The longer you stay the harder it becomes to leave. You are young and have the rest of our life in front of you. Please don't think of harming yourself, as you say he's just not worth it. Maybe you want him back because you are afraid of being alone, or perhaps you don't know how to move forward. Only you know the reason.

Please stay on the forum, perhaps others can offer more advice. Take care and :hug:.

 

[LizardViolet]

Please get out. Friends, family, women's shelter. Gizmo and Loloma are exactly right. He is destroying you, but you are strong. You are. You can get away, you can put yourself together, you can raise your child to be a kind and loving person, and you can succeed. Take it one step at a time. And the first step is to get out.

The people you pushed away, I'm willing to bet, at least one or two of them would be there for you if you reached out. If you don't feel comfortable reaching out to any of them, your local police or sheriff's station can put you in touch with a family violence shelter. Or the local family court, or the local YMCA, or a local homeless shelter. If you're in the U.S. you can call 800-799-SAFE.