Sufferer New and need help. How can I make these flashbacks and nightmares go away? Will I ever regain function in my fingers? Will the scar tissue go away?

[scout86]

and just tell me how lucky I am that it wasn’t worse.

I know people mean well, but that's the response of someone who's never been anywhere similar, isn't it? Of course it's good that it wasn't worse but it was still bad and recovering is still going to be a process. Recovering a picture of yourself that you're ok with is part of recovering.

I met with a therapist about PTSD, but she wasn’t helpful at all

Unfortunately, all therapists aren't created equal. I know it depends on where you live and other things specific to your situation, but it might pay to keep looking. How you feel about this new version of you matters. And, it's something you can have some influence and control over, but it's really helpful to have some guidance along the way.

It might be tempting to keep your thoughts about that "monster hand" to yourself. It might be good to share them, at least with your husband, so he knows what's going on. Otherwise, he might assume it's about him or something.

I am embarrassed of how my hand looks. Everyone says it’s not that bad,

You know, that's another pretty good example of things people say because they want to be nice and think that's what they're doing. On the other hand, maybe it really DOESN'T look as bad as you think. It seems like it might be nice to have someone you knew was giving you an honest opinion. Depending on where you live, support groups can be hard to come by. There are a lot of people who have to learn to live with scars, people who've been burned or in a variety of accidents. Probably more stuff I'm not thinking of. Seems like some support for that kind of thing would be really valuable.

The hand doctor told me I wouldn’t need PT because I’m able to move my fingers.

Can you move them as well as before? If you can, great and I suppose you wouldn't benefit from PT. I had joint replacement surgery a year & a half ago. Apparently most people don't actually go to physical therapy after the procedure I had, they just do some exercises at home. At the 2 week check back, my surgeon asked if I had any questions and I said, "Yes, what can I do besides the easy exercises they gave me to do in the hospital?" He sent me to PT. I know beyond a doubt that I recovered better with it than I would have without it and I still wonder how things would have gone If I hadn't asked that question and gotten that response. They kind of get used to dealing with people who don't want to work real hard, I think. Feel free to keep advocating for yourself. It's your body and your life.

 

[randilynnebrown0221!]

Thank you so much for your response! Everything you said rings 100% true. Its very difficult to hear "it could have been worse" from people who have never been through something like this. Not that I don't appreciate their support, but its just not helpful.

I've been researching therapists in my area and sent a few messages. I wish there were some support groups close by, but that is not the case.

As far as how my hands looks, its a constant reminder of the accident. I really wish people wouldn't dismiss me when I talk about it and admit that it does look bad. Only my husband has been honest and realizes that is what I need. Whether or not it will get better remains to be seen. On the nights that I can't sleep due to nightmares, I find myself reading about scar tissue recovery and looking at gruesome pics. From what I've read, it may never get better and may get even worse. The pain is really bad and keeps me up at night as well.

As far as PT, I may reach out to my doctor and see if he has any recommendations as my pain has not getting any better. My fingers have a burning sensation and I can't bend them, grip or pull things.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years and it has gotten a lot worse since the accidents. My self-esteem has taken a hit and I find myself wanting to stay in bed and hide. I've canceled plans with friends and mainly stayed indoors all summer. I have not been very affectionate with my husband or family and cringe with the thought of anyone trying to touch my hand. This is not like me at all! I am normally very outgoing, positive, extroverted, loving, confident, etc. I hate feeling this way and don't know how to get over it.

 

[scout86]

I've been researching therapists in my area and sent a few messages. I

I hope you find someone who's really good! And I'd like to encourage you to hang around on the forum. It's been really helpful for me at least.

My fingers have a burning sensation

I'll bet that's similar to the nerve pain I had. Except that I only had it when I touched something. Having it beyond that would be hard to take!

I can't bend them, grip or pull things.

That seems like something you should be able to improve. It for SURE doesn't seem like something a doctor should blow off.

I have a fairly physically demanding job and I really like what I do. As a result, I've decided that I deserve to be treated like a professional athlete. Which is kind of funny in a lot of ways. To begin with, I have a hard time convincing myself I "deserve" anything good. But, because I've taken this approach, I've learned that there's often more layers to what's available for care than I realized. You have a perfect right to the best recovery possible. I'd go at it like you were a concert pianist and see where that gets you.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years and it has gotten a lot worse since the accidents. My self-esteem has taken a hit and I find myself wanting to stay in bed and hide.

All of that is worth working on all by itself! This might be a sort of opportunity to make things better in your whole life. The therapist I worked with wasn't a big fan of drugs and I was glad of that. Don't let anyone tell you a prescription is the total solution. For some people, it's a lot of help but there's more to it than that.

I hope to see you around the forum! There are a lot of good articles and old posts here about things like nightmares and flashbacks. There are a lot of forum members with very diverse life experiences who have insight into all kinds of stuff. I've found that one thing I gained from reading about other people's experiences is that it made my own feel more "normal", even though PTSD is an abnormal experience.

 

[randilynnebrown0221!]

Thank you so much for your kind reply. This forum has been extremely helpful and I have spent many hours looking through the treads. I feel so bad for all of you dealing with these issues and wish I could take your pain away. At the very least, I am here to listen any time. :)

My fingers hurt constantly and not just when touching things. I talked to my doctor yesterday and she encouraged me that I am doing all the right things (massage, silicone strips, cream, exercises) and that my healing is perfectly normal. Considering the fact that 3 of my finger had to be sewn back on, I'm actually doing better than she expected. Physical therapy is always an option, but she said they would do the same things I am already doing.

I have called numerous therapists and left messages; no one has called me back. That says all I need to know and will keep looking.

As far as my depression/anxiety, I have been dealing with this for 20 years. I take 3 different medications at very low dosages that help tremendously. I've grown to accept that I need these medications to live happily, despite my initial reservations. About 5 year ago, I got it into my head that I didn't need these medications and decided to stop taking them. Long story short, I spent the next two weeks in the psychiatric ward at the local hospital. HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE! I think of it as a diabetic who needs insulin. I certainly support anyone who can handle their depression/anxiety without meds. I wish I could too.

I'm struggling very badly with motivation. The job that I love is ending on 10/30 and the work I've been doing so hard to complete for the past two years will never even be used. Very disheartening. I would much rather spend the day in bed alone. I haven't actually left the house in a week. I don' want anyone to see me in this condition or see my hand.

How do I get out of this slump?

 

[joeylittle]

As far as my depression/anxiety, I have been dealing with this for 20 years. I take 3 different medications at very low dosages that help tremendously. I've grown to accept that I need these medications to live happily, despite my initial reservations.

Just about finding a therapist - are you having these psych meds managed by a psychiatrist? If you haven't, I'd suggest asking them for a referral to a therapist that would be qualified to help you resolve the traumatic event you went through, ideally someone who does EMDR. If they can't give you a referral, they could probably at least give you recommendations.

And actually, if your psych meds are managed by your PCP, they may be able to refer you to a therapist. You can also research your area for outpatient behavioral health programs specifically geared towards trauma processing. I think it's great that you want to be proactive, and am encouraging you to stick with the search, even though it can take a loooong time to get in to see someone.

As far as getting out of a slump goes...behavioral changes - small ones - are a solid first step. Don't expect yourself to go from 0 to 100 overnight...I know that makes sense, but it's very hard to do, especially if you know yourself to be significantly more functional than you feel you are right now.

I haven't actually left the house in a week. I don' want anyone to see me in this condition or see my hand.

Are you getting up in the mornings at a fairly regular time? Are you getting dressed? Those can be two things to tackle that you might try and do for three or four days this next week. If you feel like doing more, do more...but you don't need to start with "get out of the house". Start with getting up and putting outside-person clothes on.

Keep it simple. -just keep anchoring yourself in things you can do, simple changes in behavior that you can get consistent with. That's one way to go.

 

[randilynnebrown0221!]

Thank you so much for your response. I am actually going to a new therapist this morning, who specializes in PTSD. I called my insurance company and they were able to find me a trauma therapist within 2 miles of my house. I'm a bit nervous, having to relive the accident. My medications were originally prescribed by a psychiatrist, but I've been on them for so long that they are not prescribed by my PCP.

I work from home, so its not necessary that I get dressed every day. I try to push myself to do so, but I will admit there are days that I stay in my pajamas all day. I do manage to shower, brush my teeth, wash my hair, etc. almost every day. Considering that I am very fastidious about my appearance, this is not normal for me. I did manage to go out this weekend and socialize (dinner, pool party, cookout); I was exhausted after each event. I am normally an extreme extrovert.

The pool party was in the my neighborhood and I was asked repeatedly about my hand and heard "oh, you're Randi with the hand." I know the neighbors are genuinely concerned and mean well, but I never wanted to be Randi With the Hand. It still looks horrible and hurts every minute.

I HATE THIS!!!

 

[scout86]

I am actually going to a new therapist this morning, who specializes in PTSD.

I hope that went well!

I called my insurance company a

Good for you! Just making that kind of call can be pretty hard.

I'm a bit nervous, having to relive the accident.

Being nervous (or terrified) seems to be so common it's part of the process. My therapist has said that the point is to get to where you remember the event, not to relive it. There's a difference and "reliving" is almost the essence of PTSD. I hope things go well. It won't always be easy, but it should be worth it.

 

[Soleil]

I met with a therapist about PTSD, but she wasn’t helpful at all. I’ve tried to find a support group to no avail. The hand doctor told me I wouldn’t need PT because I’m able to move my fingers. I feel like I can’t get the help I need. It’s so frustrating!

Find a new therapist. Not all therapists are a good fit for all patients, and vice versa. I also highly recommend EMDR. Ongoing talk therapy is likely to help you as well, because "disgusting" goes deeper than skin deep, same as beauty

Get a 2nd opinion about PT or, if you have a good relationship with this Ortho, just ask "Can we try it, just to see if it helps ____ (whatever symptom(s) you'd like gone)?"

Hth. GL in your recovery!

 

[randilynnebrown0221!]

Good Evening, All

I went to a new therapist yesterday who specializes in trauma and I’m feeling hopeful. He is a soft-spoken, kind man who put me at ease immediately. He suggested we try isometric therapy, a physiological approach that deals with alleviating the physical effects of stress and replacing the flashbacks with positive affirmations. Has anyone done this?

He had me lay in a reclining chair with warm water inside that pulsates and massages you, while wearing headphones as he talks to you through a microphone. It was amazing! I haven’t felt that relaxed in a long time. This is only part of the therapy, as we will be mostly talking and getting to the root of my issues. He also practices CBT, EDMR, and hypnosis, I’m willing to try anything to feel better!

Another major stressor right now is that the only job I’ve ever actually liked is ending. The contract did not get renewed and the last day is 10/30. There is a chance that they will put me on another contract, but no guarantees. The worst part is that all the work I’ve done for 2 years will never be seen or used. I’ve been sending out so many resumes/applications that I’ve lost count and have several phone interviews this week and next. My heart just isn’t in it at all.

I didn’t leave the house at all last week and stayed in bed more than is healthy. I’ve been neglecting myself and barely eating. I know I am in a slump, but don’t know how to get out of it. Every time I look at my badly scarred hand, I am reminded of the accident which only makes me more depressed.

Thank you all for reading and for your kind, thoughtful responses.