caligirl03
Silver Member
My boyfriend of 3 years, a combat PTSD sufferer, has never given me reason to doubt him. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves me very much and is a man of integrity. We've definitely been through our ups and downs with his PTSD, namely due to his explosive anger at times, but he is committed to getting help for it. He just moved out of state to become a firefighter (yay!) and would love nothing more than for me to join him out there and get married. I see a future with him; however, I would first like him to continue to further tackle his PTSD before taking that plunge.
He and my best friend of 10 years text each other once in a while but not a lot, and I honestly love that they get along. She has been our biggest supporter even when certain other friends have not even bothered to try and understand PTSD, and for this, I will be forever grateful to her. She is also extremely vulgar in the way that she talks and constantly makes generally sexual jokes ALL the time. She does this with literally EVERYBODY, and I know it's nothing more than joking. Plus, she is about 99.99% talk. She's actually quite prudish when it comes down to it. I always joke that she is like a 14-year-old boy in that way. I never worry about any of this because I know it's just jokes, and I trust both of them whole-heartedly.
So what happened was the other night they were texting about how his move and had gone and were actually talking about arranging to surprise me with plane tickets to go visit him. The convo was tinged with sexual references of course; however, they were kept general. I should also mention at this point that he had been drinking that night. Apparently the convo got "out of line" when he started joking with her about what she was wearing. She is of Middle Eastern descent, and they were joking about wearing a burka (which she does not). Then it shifted into talking about wearing PJs versus bras and panties to bed and him saying that panties and bras are always better, and that's what she should wear, and that he thought she might be wearing sweat pants and a crop top. She was offended and felt like he had crossed the line despite her trying to steer away from personal comments. She put him on check and told him that he ought to keep things kosher, and that he better not do anything to hurt me out there. He profusely apologized to her for letting things get out of hand and said that it was a joke made in poor taste and swore that he had no ill intentions.
They both felt bad afterwards and each came to me about it, saying it was a joke taken too far. My friend let me read the entire convo on her phone, and while it wasn't TERRIBLE, it was a definitely a little off-colored at one point. I respected that they were both forthcoming about it. The fact that they said something to me shows me there's really nothing to hide (also the fact that he lives far away). I have never for a second thought anything was there. My friend said it was out of character for him, and I completely agree. However, she said that because it's so out of character, she's worried about how he's coping living out of state especially with PTSD, and thinks he could be lonely and may act out on that. I do agree that it's odd that he would say those things to her even as a joke, especially because I know he has zero attraction towards her (she is opposite his "type") and also knowing who she is to me. I almost HAVE to believe it was just a bad joke because otherwise, how idiotic could he be, right?
He has been apologetic to me to the point of literally making himself sick. He said he knew his own intentions but realizes how the messages must have come across. He said he had poor judgement clouded by alcohol and also knowing that traditionally very little has been "off the table" subject wise with my friend. He assured me that he's never talked to anyone like this and never will again. I have asked him every question imaginable, and he continues to stick by his story that he just made a one-time poor judgement call and will never, ever do anything to hurt me including ever making jokes of any sort of a crude nature again. I do believe he is sincere, however, am still somewhat unsettled.
This is all just terrible timing as he's just left, and I'm still reeling from the pain of having to say goodbye to him. Also, he's about to start his new job and should be focusing on that. However, I can't help but still feel upset. Do I have a right to be, or was it just a minor infraction that I need to let go of and stop punishing the poor guy for? Also, could his PTSD have been a contributing factor in terms of understanding and knowing proper boundaries? Any clarification from either sufferers or supporters is greatly appreciated! And thank you so much for reading this novel!
He and my best friend of 10 years text each other once in a while but not a lot, and I honestly love that they get along. She has been our biggest supporter even when certain other friends have not even bothered to try and understand PTSD, and for this, I will be forever grateful to her. She is also extremely vulgar in the way that she talks and constantly makes generally sexual jokes ALL the time. She does this with literally EVERYBODY, and I know it's nothing more than joking. Plus, she is about 99.99% talk. She's actually quite prudish when it comes down to it. I always joke that she is like a 14-year-old boy in that way. I never worry about any of this because I know it's just jokes, and I trust both of them whole-heartedly.
So what happened was the other night they were texting about how his move and had gone and were actually talking about arranging to surprise me with plane tickets to go visit him. The convo was tinged with sexual references of course; however, they were kept general. I should also mention at this point that he had been drinking that night. Apparently the convo got "out of line" when he started joking with her about what she was wearing. She is of Middle Eastern descent, and they were joking about wearing a burka (which she does not). Then it shifted into talking about wearing PJs versus bras and panties to bed and him saying that panties and bras are always better, and that's what she should wear, and that he thought she might be wearing sweat pants and a crop top. She was offended and felt like he had crossed the line despite her trying to steer away from personal comments. She put him on check and told him that he ought to keep things kosher, and that he better not do anything to hurt me out there. He profusely apologized to her for letting things get out of hand and said that it was a joke made in poor taste and swore that he had no ill intentions.
They both felt bad afterwards and each came to me about it, saying it was a joke taken too far. My friend let me read the entire convo on her phone, and while it wasn't TERRIBLE, it was a definitely a little off-colored at one point. I respected that they were both forthcoming about it. The fact that they said something to me shows me there's really nothing to hide (also the fact that he lives far away). I have never for a second thought anything was there. My friend said it was out of character for him, and I completely agree. However, she said that because it's so out of character, she's worried about how he's coping living out of state especially with PTSD, and thinks he could be lonely and may act out on that. I do agree that it's odd that he would say those things to her even as a joke, especially because I know he has zero attraction towards her (she is opposite his "type") and also knowing who she is to me. I almost HAVE to believe it was just a bad joke because otherwise, how idiotic could he be, right?
He has been apologetic to me to the point of literally making himself sick. He said he knew his own intentions but realizes how the messages must have come across. He said he had poor judgement clouded by alcohol and also knowing that traditionally very little has been "off the table" subject wise with my friend. He assured me that he's never talked to anyone like this and never will again. I have asked him every question imaginable, and he continues to stick by his story that he just made a one-time poor judgement call and will never, ever do anything to hurt me including ever making jokes of any sort of a crude nature again. I do believe he is sincere, however, am still somewhat unsettled.
This is all just terrible timing as he's just left, and I'm still reeling from the pain of having to say goodbye to him. Also, he's about to start his new job and should be focusing on that. However, I can't help but still feel upset. Do I have a right to be, or was it just a minor infraction that I need to let go of and stop punishing the poor guy for? Also, could his PTSD have been a contributing factor in terms of understanding and knowing proper boundaries? Any clarification from either sufferers or supporters is greatly appreciated! And thank you so much for reading this novel!
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