Can you lose your soul? PTSD and emotional "reduction"

[Abstract]

It does sound like a level of depersonalisation and disconnection.

I have to say I personally don't see doing or experiencing as self. And I have experienced parts of me being wounded and "missing"(I actually thought killed) and a big change in who I feel I am but I still tend to hold onto the idea that the essence of us is so much more fundemantal than that.

Some people act out at others after trauma. Its that anger expressed outwards. Others act it out internally. Anger expressed inwards. Noone stays the same in life no matter what their experiences and we move forward through life no matter what that entails.

I wouldn't write yourself off and rather look at making amends for anything you did and try to move past it. Work on healing and you dont know where that could potentially take you. Hopefully feeling like you are reconnecting to the values and things that are still important to you. If you didn't care you wouldnt be posting here. They are still your values.

 

[Deanna]

Hello great people from the myptsd forum,

An Example: Although I am an agnostic/atheist I've often experienced strong reactions going into churches. There was an element of sacredness and the vibrations were also very strong. Now it basically feels like I'm looking at matter that was built by human beings. The world feels much more mundane and I am often lost in existential questions.

Sorry, I should have added this quote to my post. I was responding to the religious aspect of your post. My post was intended to be a spiritual side of RULES more than anything else. Don't mix religion and PTSD right now because it sounds like the base of your emotions. Be good to others and they will be good to you. ( Simple rules) I can't put religion and PTSD together either. So, don't worry about it. We have to concentrate some days at just being who we are and be okay with that.

I feel this way sometimes but I don't dwell on it anymore. Basically because I can't change it. Acceptance is a new self and making that work for just me, some days. Other days it's for others and then they both suddenly come together with time.

This thinking is not loss of soul but nostalgia of what might have been seen as overly sensitive. On the the opposite of that side, there is huge imbalance of the old soul.

The new soul works but its not perfect.

I'm despereatly trying to make sense out of these experiences. Maybe thats what @somerandomguy and @Deanna's Gap meant .

 

[manyquestions]

While getting very much where everyone is coming from with that soul angle, and what not...

I was also taught that souls are retrievable, renewable, returnable, and other Now Is Not Forever Miserable, things. :sneaky:

So there for anyone thinking the damage is soul deep.

I am not sure why I can't comprehend this sentence but do you think they are retrievable? I definitely experienced soul loss and I've never experienced something so frightening in my life. Is this damage permanent? Will I never be able to love (again)?
Someone here who knows what I'm talking about? I feel like a ghost.

 

[Ronin]

I do not think this is any sort of soul issue, to be honest.

How you treat people, and that it changed while you took drugs, is a viewing issue that is well within your power to fix. That you do not need any sort of shamanic reconciling interventions for, a priest, or anything of that sort.

How you see other people, and how you treat them, has lot more to do with core beliefs + choices than any sort of soul thing. :)

 

[EveHarrington]

You’re experiencing textbook PTSD numbness. Your soul isn’t dead or damaged. Work on healing and your feelings will slowly come back. This isn’t a spiritual matter where your soul is dead. Your system is overwhelmed and has shut down.

 

[Reflections]

Getting a PTSD socialist sounds like a good idea. If they have training with dissociative disorders that's a plus!

It sounds like you you cannot right away though there are things you can do to help in the mean time! Learning mindfulness, ground techniques, DBT skills might be helpful! Some people benefit from somatic based exercises like Yoga. There are books on dissociation if that's helpful. I also found Kristen Neff's books helpful, she's a T that uses mindfulness and moreover compassion in her work. It really helps to change my self talk.

Dissociation is a normal part of life, the most mild forms of dissoication are day dreaming or zoning out while driving. It's helpful in temporary situations of stress or crisis. The problem is when our brain relies on it to fix everything or all the time! Which isn't helpful. We need to feel connected! Dissociation is just a defense mechanism. You learn better coping skills and how to be present you can start to let go of dissociation. It can take time but it's doable! Even the most dissociative forms of dissociation like DID are treatable. Like others said, things may never be exactly how it was, but things do get better. Being able to love again? I don't see why not. Take it one day at a time.

Feeling like a ghost, numbness, lack of emotions, those all sound like depersonalization.

The lack of life, vibrancy in the world around you is derealization.

This page might be helpful:

Therapy for Dissociation,Therapist for Dissociation

What you're experiencing is what others have too. We're all a bit different though or maybe different ways of interpretating it. Some of us will feel like we've lost our soul. I've read so many descriptions like behind a wall of glass, floating head, life like a movie, floating above. It actually took me awhile to realize I was struggling with a chronic form of dissociation because I didn't relate to online descriptions.

So a clarifying question might be: If you're depersonalized at the moment - Do you also have trouble reading the minds of other people or seeing them as individuals? The phenomenon I'm describing here has precisely this effect. As I "don't see/feel myself", other people are a mystery to me too in this state of mind as they're simply "walking faces". I can make logical assumptions based on their apperance and the context but I'm not able to really read other people as I was able before being in such a state.

I think at times I can. I absorb emotions of others, disconnecting so I don't feel their feelings is something I know I do. It wasn't safe to feel in my home. I was beginning to think I wasn't much of a "feeler" but I just forgot... I got lost.

I could be wrong, but that could be a disconnect from those around you (derealization) or a disconnect inside to feel your own feelings (depersonalzation) which is kinda needed for mirroring (feeling what others feel just by seeing them).

 

[hithere]

before the trauma you had some strong beliefs about the world and life. the trauma shattered those beliefs. You may not know what those beliefs were, so you will have spend some time being reflective and "soul searching" for what those beliefs were. Maybe you believed the world is a sacred place full of life and goodness. Then that belief was shattered. I agree with @somerandomguy that it will take time and you won't be the same. However, I do believe you can adjust your belief and be open to possible new views and beliefs about the world and life. I also agree with the person who said souls can be retreived. Have an open mind and heart, but guard them at the same time.

 

[ahershey]

PTSD is like a cancer of the psyche. As I read in so many replies, I have found that although I have changed, I am still me. As I heal, I learn about the new aspects of me, and how I relate to the world around me now, and how it differs from before. Sometimes, I can blend the old and new, and that is pretty cool.

Cognitive Restructuring helps. A PTSD specialist will help with that. Pretty much you train yourself to view things positively.

Good Luck.

 

[Reflections]

PTSD is like a cancer of the psyche.

What you said here, is pretty hurtful to me. While I'm tired of my symptoms, they are just attempts to protect me and in some cases they have. I dont think they are like a cancer, abuse is more akin to that.

 

[Tinyflame]

Abuse is, but I'd call it a cancer of both, actually, mind heart and soul.

 

[manyquestions]

Thanks for all your great posts. They really were valuable to me and I understand my problems a lot better know.

I am really on unfamiliar territory right now. No one can explain to me what happened exactly. I think maybe a good way of describing the problem is that I lost my "inner child". I was always a little bit narcissistic due to a lot of childhood abuse but I managed to never hurt anyone and I knew about my problem with emotional empathy which I simply substitued with a lot of cognitive empathy. My heart, soul and mind were intact although battered by all the negative experiences I had. This time with the pain killer it was different - I was tempted by evil as I had the worst support you can possibly imagine. They really behaved obnoxiously stupid and unempathic. I am usually in 100% control of my impulses but this time I wasn't. Maybe I'm obessesing about it but something in me died when I yelled so viciously at a family member. I can simply not tell what exactly that was.

I will never listen to anyone but myself again. This is the lesson of the story. I always knew better and still I questioned myself, had so much self-doubt that although I knew better than anyone I didn't listen to myself.
LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

 

[Ronin]

You... yelled... at someone.

Not as a pattern of doing that regularly, not mutilating them, not killing them. Nor their friends. Nor their family.

..... All I am saying if that is your grievance and feeling of irretrievable loss, maybe it is time to let go of that looking and looking so deep into something that is not that grand scope sin. Ruminating will not help you there, and it does not rate being ruminated about, from where I am standing.