Can You See It In Others?

[shimmerz]

Keep in mind I have an attachment disorder which has me wanting to 'attach' to people more so than others. That may be what you are seeing here @scout86. I am a delver.....for better or worse. I am also an observer I am certain because of my past abuse. I tune in fairly quickly to others.

 

[shell]

Yes I can, it's almost for me like I can feel their pain, even though they say nothing. I think it's why I avoid people alot, because I notice things and it brings up pain in me.

Is it part of being hypervigilant that I am constantly observing what is happening around me, so I see more. I see others insecurities, and issues because I recognize myself in them.

 

[scout86]

@ghotiff , good question and maybe a complicated answer.

One of the survival skills I learned early on was the benefits of keeping your head down and your mouth shut. So, while I might be on the lookout for signs of a threat, I think maybe I also don't (or haven't in the past, because this seems to be changing) look too closely at other people and wonder what's going on with them. It it's not a threat, it's not relevant, more or less. I talk to people. I ask them questions and get them to talk about themselves and their interests, if they seem like they want to talk. Because most people like talking about themselves and then they aren't asking things of ME, But, I rarely deal with anyone for long stretches or daily, so I just kind of let any questions about why they might be as they seem to be slide. Because maybe I don't want to know or need to know. Keep it superficial, keep it safe. Does that make sense?

Since I've been in therapy awhile, I've started to wonder more about other people's behavior and the possible reasons for it. Now I might be more likely to wonder about someone's history than I would have been a couple of years ago.

With people who've become closer friends, there's a "you'd take a bullet for your friend" kind of intense loyalty that draws me to some people. Turns out a lot of people with PTSD have that. Among other things, I guess.