Can't Cry In Therapy

[KP the nut]

After a few months of therapy I cried for the first time last week. Not huge shaking noisy sobs, those I save for when I'm alone with only the dogs and occassionally with my husband to hold me. It was quiet soft tears rolling down my face through closed eyes.

It was during EMDR and I stuck in an awful memory. T didn't touch me just spoke very softly and quietly, telling me I was safe, I was with him, he asked me to open my eyes and focus on him. He did this until I was able to 'come back'.

IMHO there is no right or wrong here, but to do what you are comfortable with. I only know I'm terrified of having to back to that place next session.

 

[Jade-]

.I'd freak out if my T. touched me.

Me too! I still have a hard time when mine gets close to me....I would totally flip out if he ever actually touched me in any way, even if he tried to shake my hand.

I have been able to cry recently though. My T. asked me to talk about something and I didn't want to because I knew I would start crying. He told me "it's safe to cry here"........and just hearing those words made a difference.

 

[The Albatross]

My "carer" knows not to touch me and has learned how to verbally empathize without touch and intimacy. That's just where I'm at right now. I like that, your T just affirming "its safe to cry here" , I reign mine all in an am not feeling anywhere safe to do that.

 

[Iam]

I totally understand Alli. I have been in therapy with my male T for 1.5 years and I have never cried in session with him. Crying even at home alone is tough though I have been able to do so over the last year which is a huge step forward for me. I have felt like crying in session with him, eyes even fill up, but I always shove it back down. I think if he did what Jade's T did, telling me "it's safe to cry here" that maybe I would be able to. I haven't been able to access anger when I am with him either. He thinks it's because I project my father onto him.

I hadn't cried for years because of fear of losing control and just fading away. And, like you, I really want to know that whoever is there can comfort me if that happens.

I have cried, quiet silent tears once during EMDR with my trauma T. EMDR seems to help me access my emotions. I think it is also because my trauma T has PTSD and knows what to say to me. She acknowledges what she sees happening (e.g. "Did your eyes just fill up?") I also know that, even though she won't touch me, she will bring me back to a safe place before I leave. So maybe for me it's a trust issue.

 

[Reclusive]

I do the same thing. I know if I cry I won't be able to finish what I was saying and all that will come out is squeak squeak squeak! And that's just a waste of valuable time. Also, I get migraines when I cry, so there's a negative consequence tied to crying. It didn't used to be that way, just since... stuff. Before my fiance would go with me, I would cry in my car in the parking lot after I left my T's office, but now I need to keep it together for my fiance so I just end up stuffing things instead. I find that instead of crying, I have to nap when I get home because keeping it together is just THAT exhausting.

 

[Iam]

I find that instead of crying, I have to nap when I get home because keeping it together is just THAT exhausting.

Boy is that the truth!

 

[allitherapy]

I couldn't cry even out of session up until a few months ago. When I talked to my therapist she asked why I never cry and I told her it's because my family always shunned me or ignored me for crying when I was younger. She told me it was ok to cry and that she was allowing me to cry. Since then I've been able to actually cry alone, but still not with her. I think it's the combination of wanting the response from her and feeling like I'd be wasting my therapy time.

Maybe try talking with a trusted loved one and if you feel the urge to cry they can comfort you. It wouldn't hurt before hand to tell themyou may cry.

This sounds so nice, and I wish I could have this. Sadly, I have no trusted loved ones. I'm really glad this works for you.

I think I'm going to talk to her this week about why I don't cry and the response I wish I could get from her and see where that leads.

 

[Ron]

Good for you, good luck ! Keep us posted !

 

[Heather]

I don't *think* counselors are allowed to touch patients..

I don't know about that. When I was in college I had a counselor that would hold my hand when I cried. It was very comforting. He was like the father I never had. I found it VERY healing. To have a male that was safe to be vulnerable with and know that I could trust that I wouldn't be hurt.

And I've seen other counselors offer their hand during groups when patients have been melting down. Lord knows I've been in enough of'em:rolleyes:.

I guess every counselor is different. If the one that I'm seeing now tried to touch me I think I'd freak. It's not that kind of relationship.

 

[anthony]

You cry afterwards, that is just as beneficial for a release than during. Its far better you do it afterwards than bottle it up into anger instead.

 

[The Albatross]

Good point Anthony, I have had some pretty solid experience with the rage thing and I can't recommend it. Hopefully I can reconnect through the diary and start some cryin'.

 

[livergirl70]

I sometimes cry when I get back in my car. Don't hold back if you need to cry in there though, I sometimes have tears pouring down my face but it doesn't feel like I'm crying if that makes sense, I only realise I'm crying when my t-shirt gets wet lol