Can't Do Hugs

[shimmerz]

I used to love hugs. Up until about two months ago. Since I came back from California I can no longer hug nor be hugged. This is offending my peeps but more importantly it is bugging me. Seriously, because I was so 'huggable' and because I have just gotten back from what was supposed to be a permanent move, when people see me they are all over me, which would have been fine before I left. Now I want to just crawl out of my skin. I can't get my head around why this would have changed so quickly and profoundly.

What is it about hugs (for those of you who can't do them) that bothers you? Can anyone put a finger on it? Is it a space thing or a protection thing? How do you tell people to not touch you?

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@shimmerz take care missed you while you were away.

What is it about hugs (for those of you who can't do them) that bothers you?

When the body says NO. Brilliant Dr. Explains the mind body connection. Deal with myself. Have to use a luffa to wash and pillows so not skin touches. Hugs with clothes ok.

and/or http://www.democracynow.org/2010/2/15/dr_gabor_mat_when_the_body

 

[Harley Quinn]

First, did anything happened before coming back from California? It may come from there... Like a hug that made you remember of something that you don't like and your brain associate this uncomfortable memory/feeling with the sensation of hugging.

 

[StarChild]

Dear Shimmerz, I hear you. May I ask you, what it is, that you feel in such a moment? Is the closeness, or the act of giving, respectively receiving? Or is it an (unconscious) feeling to be unworthy of hugs (love)? Please just answer if you're comfortable with it.

I have to tell this to my friends sometimes. Because a touch or hug would burn like fire on my skin. Although it's not a physical thing, but clearly has its roots in my psyche.. So I tell them "Today I can't give hugs, because my skin burns."

 

[shimmerz]

@TreeHugger, no it is not an unworthiness. It is a feeling of repulsion. I don't want people in my space! What is it about hugs? I remember my psychiatrist at the beginning of all of this PTSD thing specifically telling me not to accept hugs from therapists.

"Today I can't give hugs, because my skin burns."

This is a really good plan. Thank you. I will give this a go.

Like a hug that made you remember of something that you don't like

This is a good point absolutely. It is not like this though, as I know how this type of reaction feels. This is different somehow and largely so. It is more about being violated. Even when it is someone I love. I have had a huge shift in my triggering and reactions since I got back from California, and am at a loss as to why my personality seems to have shifted so much. This is one of many
changes.

take care missed you while you were away.

Oh, @Changeling, thank you so much. I missed you too!
Why didn't I know about Dr Mate? Thank you so much for the link! Excellent video! I am researching him now and will watch more. You are right, he is brilliant. I especially love this quote:
if we’re not loved, we become charming
This was me before California. Now I don't give a damn about charming. ;-)

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@shimmerz You are still charming as you not the duty or mask.