Can't Make Eye Contact

[DiamondBug]

I really struggle with eye contact. I don't really know what my therapist looks like properly because I've never made eye contact with him. I've only seen him when he comes to get me out of the waiting room. Now I know he's coming from the noise of his shoes on the floor, so sometimes I don't even look up.
Our seating arrangement is two chairs two chairs next to each other facing a wall with a table in between, so I look straight ahead and I'm guessing he faces me. I do struggle with eye contact in general, unless I'm at work where I can normally make prolonged eye contact with people or with my boyfriend which is the same sort of thing. Just with my therapist I really hide, he has even said he doesn't really know I look like. He asked about changing the seating arrangement a few sessions ago and I really panicked and said I'd probably still hide from him anyway. It's not like it's a trust issue, well it certainly doesn't feel like it, because I do trust him more than pretty much anyone. I just have this urge to hide, it's probably because what I talk about, but it's literally uncontrollable. I have really long hair that I sort of use as a shield. I don't know whether anyone else does this? Or can shed any light on why this happens?

 

[Bristol]

I really struggle with eye contact. I don't really know what my therapist looks like properly becaus...

I can relate to this, my T sits opposite and i keep my hands busy playing with play-doh so i spend the whole hour looking at my play-doh, maybe towards the end ill look up but my eyes always feel weird then like i havent been blinking, its hard to be in the spotlight i think

 

[Snowflake]

I struggle as well. I hug a pillow and I stare at my hands or wall. I'm afraid if anyone looked into my eyes they will see filth.

 

[expectingbetter]

I can understand the feeling and I think it is very common in therapy. People mostly feel so vulnerable and ashamed for sharing hard stories and emotions and just would rather avoid putting themselves to even more vulnerable position with making an eye contact, it feels like there is no way to hide the emotions then at all and it feels scary.

For me actually is pretty opposite situation, I find my therapist's eyes to have very soothing impact on me so I look her in the eyes most of the time. I even ask her to do that when she doesn't. It is calming me down. I can see so much of a good in her eyes and such care and understanding that I somehow use it even to help me heal, like a remedy on a wound. But I know it is pretty rare and even odd till some extent but it works for me.

 

[The Albatross]

Well on a primal level, direct eye contact can be viewed as a challenge/threat. For myself long past the end of abuse I had to work to rejoin and keep eye contact... my "eyes would not track" they said. Depending on the abuse I expect it may be similar for you.

Direct eye contact in my abuse homes was seen as "defiance" and actively retaliated aggressively against. Ultimately I found, I was unable to make eye contact with dang near anybody... many would look over their shoulders, for instance to "see who I was looking at" and be confused because they didn't know who I was talking to.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Eye Contact Avoidance is very common with PTSD. When I was at sheppard pratt TDU I avoided eye contact all the time, sometimes closed my eyes, to avoid contact. Towards the end I was a little better with eye contact. But its still an issue for me.

 

[Leighlee87]

I'm the same, and as someone above stated, eye contact was seen as disrespect and defiance in my household. It took over a year before I could start making eye contact with her even momentarily, and even now if the conversation is covering uncomfortable material, I can't/won't/ absolutely refuse to look at her. But now, I can look at her at the beginning and end of sessions, and when discussing easy material. Now I find myself look her in the eyes when I get really frightened in session, which is something I would have NEVER imagined myself doing. So, if I'm going through a terrifying flashback and trying to ground myself, I will desperately search for her especially since I can already hear her talking to me. The first few sessions of EMDR were incredibly hard and my hands were literally shaking. I kept looking up at her and she kept reassuring me. Something I would have never, ever done before--I would have much more likely hid my head in my knees and refused to cooperate. The other one is if I get triggered badly enough, I will lose my ability to speak and cannot physically move. I usually make eye contact with her so that she knows, I haven't dissociated or gone into a flashback, but that I need help out of that catatonic state (which is awful because we have discovered the only thing that seems to do it is to touch my hand, and it's the only time she has/will ever physically touch me--but I can't exactly sit frozen on her couch for 2 hours).

 

[Panda Bear]

Most of my time in therapy when things were rough, I would keep my eyes closed. I still struggle with making consistent eye contact and I love my T and we have a fantastic relationship. Five years down the road, it's still work to look at him.

Eye contact in general is rough all around.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I found that when I was in the hospital I often had my eyes closed if I felt unsure or unsafe about something, or not grounded.
That changed once I began using grounding skills.

I think its part of being in trauma time in some way even if your also in the here and now.

 

[watundah]

Agree it is linked to.vulnerability with me. I try to remind myself to make eye contact in session and it is a conscious effort. I think seeing the depth of her gaze, compassion and caring can be alot to carry. Even simply looking in each other's eyes can be way intense. I do think I could gain more and share more with her if we had a visual connection. I'm goinf to work on this! Last week I was having a hard time, she asked me to make eye contact and I simply couldn't. I am best at fleeting glimpses.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

When I see my abuse therapist, I hold a frozen orange in my hand to keep me grounded and from sinking into trauma time, you might want to try it, put an orange in freezer. And carry it in something to your session, and hold it while talking (you will need to switch hands at some point).

If I did not do this I could not do the therapy. I would just shutdown, or disassociate.

 

[Runlola72]

I have always had a tough time with eye contact. My daughter has Aspergers and I suspect my dad does, so I suspect I may have some traits as well. It's especially hard with my therapist. But after meeting with him for a year, and him never making an issue of it, it feels like some weeks it's much better. So maybe it's a ptsd/trust issue after all, and I'm just slowly feeling safer. I used to look at his pic between sessions because I could not picture what he looked like. Now I can clearly hold his face in my mind so I know I have been looking up more