Can't Seem To Bounce Back

[Deleted member 12723]

PIratelady, thinking good thoughts for you at this time. I am sorry you have to go. People usually are on their best behavior at the funeral, it is afterwards that the problems occur. Like people here have said you are strong and can do this. You can always take it into therapy if it gets too bad. Let us know how it went and how you survived the ordeal . Hugs.

 

[piratelady]

Made it through round one with the family...and I am on the edge. Off to round 2 hoping to keep my composure. I swear I have heard so many of the comments from the "what not to say to a PTSD sufferer" thread today I want to scream!!

 

[squirtsmom]

Here is wishing you the best in round 2.

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

Knock em' dead PL .... Not literally!:roflmao:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thanks for checking in. I am rooting for you. I hope you survive round 2. You are doing good. Hopefully soon it will be all over for you. And then you will get a break.:tup:

 

[piratelady]

Well, I made it through a very long and trying day. There were so many horrible comments made about how someone can't just "get over it." I took at lot of it personally and got rather upset.

After the after-gathering we went to visit some other family members that weren't able to come. That's when the criticism started from my brother. I have such a hard time telling where some of his comments are coming from - if they are meant as nice comments/advice or directed at me as little digs about how I'm sucky. Since I wasn't sure, I kept my mouth shut and tried to keep my feelings under-control. The more tired I got, the less successful I was at playing happy.

Right now, I'm trying VERY hard not to cry and trying to remember I only have to get through tomorrow morning and then I can drive home and cry if I need/want to. I am beating myself up a little for lending my brother my car so he can leave for the night. I just..have a bad feeling, but I couldn't say no. Apparently the whole setting boundaries homework from my therapist is a FAIL.

Anyway, I've spent one day with my family and I feel like I'm a failure again. It's like growing up all over again. I feel fragile, weak, and not good enough. One day ... can tear down what little I've managed to re-build. I am dreading my next appointment with my therapist and telling him what a failure I am. :cry:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

((((PL)))) Please do not forget that you are outnumbered. You are doing the best you can. You are getting beat up emotionally, and ganged up on at that. It is not a fair fight. You are not failing, they are failing you. This is what you are experiencing. It is not a fair fight. You have been bombarded with negative messages all day and you did not even scream like you wanted.

I wish you were not there alone, I wish you had someone there on your side. You are doing the best you can in a crazymaking and high drama situation.

Remember you are dealing with master and skilled manipulators. They have a agenda, you are simply trying to survive their assaults upon your psyche. They know what they are doing. I am sorry you loaned your brother your car. It means you are trapped. They are trying to wear you down.

Here is a little trick that I used when I was with toxic people. I imagined that they were martians from mars.
And when they said and did something odd, I would say this must be how martians from mars act. It really worked. It helped to ground me and I did not take the comments and acts so personally. I hope this helped and did not hurt. Remember to be gentle on yourself and stay strong. You are almost done with them. You can detox with your therapist over all of this. You are a good soul. You are smart and talented and funny and bright. You have a very caring heart. You are a good person. YOu deserve good and you sure do not deserve to have verbal abuse heaped upon you. You are almost done. It will be over soon. I am very proud of you. big hugs.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'd leave early pl, with a big smile (should be easy- think of the freedom). :) You are an adult woman, and you have the right to leave, and without explanation.
I hope you can think of something else when you're there.

You are not a failure. You're just not hardened, and you're triggered. Pardon my language, but screw the rest- you did it! :) :tup: Way to go! :)

((((Hugs))))

 

[Srain]

PirateLady,

You walked into the hornets nest and each person there performed the way they were suppose to, lifelong habits and in unison, the one who is moving on into "healthy" is you. That is rough no matter how you cut it and I seriously do NOT see you as a failure at all nor will your therapist. It will be a great opportunity to discuss what happened and to find what might work better next time you encounter your family. Stumbling teaches us so much, this is where the support helps.

Please don't be so hard on yourself,
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Rain

 

[piratelady]

Thank you everyone for all the support and positive messages. I left right after breakfast this morning and just got home. I got almost no sleep last night, I had nightmares and other stressful dreams all night. I guess now that it's over I should start to feel better eventually...again thanks everyone, your support really means a lot to me.

 

[Tinyflame]

Rain is right pl, you are a success not a failure.
Is it not healthy, to prefer kindness, sanity, dignity, respect, love and support between persons?
Who could blame you for wanting to run!

The healthier you get, the less tolerance you'll have, or will fit in to, unhealthy environments or (family or otherwise) situations.

Hooray!!!! You DID IT! :) :tup:

 

[per aspera ad astra]

Well, I made it through .... I've spent one day with my family and I feel like I'm a failure again. I feel fragile, weak, and not good enough. One day ... can tear down what little I've managed to re-build.

Dear PL ~
1st: I love your avatar. 2nd: Not reaching a very high expectation on your first try definitely does not constitute failure. I think you said

I kept my mouth shut and tried to keep my feelings under-control.

Just accomplishing showing up and not completely losing it, and getting home safely would be a success in my book. I can see why you feel they've torn down what you've rebuilt, but maybe seeing it as they poked some (or many) big (or enormous) holes in what you are building. Even I can see you are not starting from scratch. Repair sometimes seems less overwhelming to me than feeling like I am starting over. and 3rd: I can only hope you T will help you see how proud you can be for being strong and using the support of here in the process.:tup: It may not feel like it, but you did well, especially considering how underprepared you felt going in.
IMHO