@torietoo - I just want to echo others and say that you are on too many night meds...
Thank you for your response:) I saw a new doctor yesterday. He's a medical doctor and not a psychiatrist which I think is very good because he went through all the medications I have been taking and how they are affecting my physical health and mental health. I find it amazing how every single psychiatrist or medical doctor has so many opposing ways to treat. I know that that's how it is. That's why I never feel like I'm in danger of anything happening. I shouldn't blame that on the doctors. The problem is that I just don't care about myself and will take any pill. Pretty much every day I take two or three ibuprofen just because. It has never helped with any pain or headache but I still take them because it's like a compulsive thing. If I don't take it , my brain won't leave it alone until I take it.
I had a bilateral pulmonary embolisms last year and didn't know it. The circumstances worked out that I went to my medical doctor just to get refills and thank goodness she asked questions and took all the tests to confirm that that had happened. One of the medications I'm on now for my brain can actually cause me to have another one. I have thyroid disease and another of the meds interact with that.
I wasn't treated badly like alot of doctors do so I was open to telling him the truth about my sleep meds. To tell you the truth, I wanted him to just refill my xanax prescription and not question like all my other psychiatrist have done. I got so scared about him going to take my xanax away because that's how I sleep. I didn't tell him about the OTC sleeping pills and the Advil PM. He was pretty upset my previous doctors prescribed Trazadone when I have Xanax.
But, I did read these comments and see how dangerous taking all this is and I'll call doctor on Monday to tell him about the other pills. He also is switching me to Clonazepam 1mg twice a day and then he wants to be able to get off most of my meds but wants to wait until I start going to a trauma therapist.
I ditched my last therapist about a month ago. She didn't know anything about how to treat trauma. I did find a therapist that I will try but he doesn't get back to the country until next month.
Right now I'm not getting any exercise and I totally understand how great it is especially when it comes to sleep but here's the problem. I have been physical labor kind of gal since I was young. I started having problems with insomnia around 16 or 17 and started with Melatonin and it worked for a bit. I started bodybuilding at 17 so I worked out two hours twice a day plus cardio and a couple hours of racquetball a day. Even when I only had 4-5 hours to sleep, I still couldn't sleep. I stayed awake for 5 days in a row no matter how much exercise I got.
The the job I had for 11 years was a very physical job. I used one of the things that show how many calories I burn within so many hours. I kept track for everyday for two weeks and the average calories I burned in 8 hours was over 2,000. I worked 6 days a week and if I begged my manager to work 7 days then I would.
Still never had that feeling of being tired to fall asleep. Then I continued to take only one kind of whatever sleep med my doctor prescribed, then body get used to it then try another. I think it was five years ago when I was prescribed xanax and I can't even remember how I slept. It's been the last couple years that I've used all these pills for sleep carelessly.
I'm Going to wait until I start to have a good therapist to take those other steps with meditation and yoga. I have seriously tried meditation and a couple years ago I actually could put myself in the most ecstatic state of wellbeing within minutes. I have once been able to be in that state for a little under an hour at that same period of time in my life.
Now if I close my eyes with the intention of just sitting and watch and not judge thoughts, alot of images and voices, which aren't very nice to me, will intrude every single time. I had one therapist who actually used the practice of meditation in my sessions and there was so much action going on with images and voices and odd body sensations happening as soon as I closed my eyes.
She would guide me with my breathe and feeling the sensations of the parts of my body but the voices were already active. Soon, I had to tell her to not talk about feeling the sensations in my body at least until later because Instantly I left my body.
I had to move to a different start so I couldn't see her anymore. I think that that was a breakthrough but now, I really have no idea what's going on with me. Obviously I'm not giving up and I don't have an answer when a therapist asks me why I'm in therapy. I don't see a future or past. All I know is that this second I'm alive and that's all I know. I don't do spirituality at all . I'm being propelled foreward whether I like it or not:)
